To ask why so many child-free people are on Mumsnet?

[DarlingClementine85]

I already know this is going to be divisive and I'm hesitating before I even type this. I don't mean this in a snarky or judgemental way at all. It's just a straightforward question that I've been pondering. It seems there's a lot of posters on here who are child-free by choice (I'm not talking about people dealing with infertility who would dearly love to be parents). And I was wondering why, as this is predominantly a forum for getting or giving parental advice? For questions about trying to understand their friends with kids, I absolutely get it. But I see plenty of threads about various parenting issues and there's always people saying things like "I don't have kids, but..."

TIA for not taking offence!!

Mumsnet HQ have replied many, many, many times before on these types of threads to say that everyone is welcome.

Thankfully @mnhq are more inclusive than many users! If they're not confused about why people from all backgrounds and experiences use the website then I don't see why users should be.

They are?

It’s an online forum that’s free for anyone to post on?

I said ’I personally…’

Hi folks

We're popping by to say EVERYONE is welcome on Mumsnet. Parents, non-parents, dads, mums, sisters, aunts, cousins, brothers and so on.

We have hundreds of topics where users from all walks enjoy taking part in the conversation. Yes, we are a parenting site - but we are also a discussion board and membership is public. Mumsnet just rolled off the tongue many years ago and now we're the largest discussion forum in the UK.

So yes - everyone is welcome.

Thanks Lily. Is there a hierarchy? Dreamingcattwitches has said the child-free are self-entitled to think they can be here on equal terms with parents.

Thank you @LilyMumsnet

Thank you 😊

Thank you @LilyMumsnet!

Ditto, thanks @LilyMumsnet !

There you go @DarlingClementine85
You have got your answer. Happy now?

I do find the name of the site outdated if it isn't for parents anymore.

People can do what they want online obviously but I honestly can’t imagine if I were child-free by choice or a bloke why I would spend my time browsing a site called ‘mumsnet’. Perhaps they should rebrand and change the name of the site since it’s not being used as intended.

How is it not for parents? It’s not exclusively for parents, but parents are people and all people are welcome here. There are still plenty of boards related to parenting for the posters looking for help and support with that particular aspect of their life - which is a big, but not the sole, part of anyone’s life.

It's just developed and grown beyond its initial conception, it doesn't need to change it's name.

It has a brand and there's no need to change the name unless their are negative connotations with it, brand-wise.

The foundation of Justine's Mumsnet is definitely still here, there's a lot of support for parents, by parents - but there's also much more.

It's gone far beyond that initial scope and it's now a huge forum, with many voices.

So you can't imagine why someone would want to spend their time browsing here if they're childfree, @Shoutinglagerlagerlager , but a simple rebrand and suddenly the same posts would be fascinating?

Do you struggle with most things you can't imagine? Or perhaps you just struggle with the basic comprehension that people are different to you. 😉

So weird 🤣 the threads with the most traffic are absolutely nothing to do with kids.

There’s another rule now- you can only post here if you have young children who require looking after. If your children are grown then you’ve no business being here. I’ve seen the following on a thread that was, shock horror, nothing to do with parenting and was actually about the royal family:

But you do sound a bit unhappy! Why are you on a website called ‘ Mumsnet ‘ if you don’t have to look after children… is being a mum the only thing you have in your life and even though your kids are grown up and gone you still feel the need to spend hours posting boring opinions on the site Perhaps you need another focus ? Friends perhaps?

Presumably the irony of a poster with the word ‘mum’ in her username policing who can post here based on their status as parent of young children asking someone disparagingly if ‘being a mum is the only thing you have in your life’ is entirely lost on the poster herself 🙄

Exactly this. If a poster is concerned about her 15 year-old daughter, the mother of boys aged five and seven has no more insight than I do other than by the virtue of being a mother. We can both think back to having been a 15 year-old girl, but neither of us have parented one. Why is my opinion less important or valid?

Frankly, I find the idea that non-parents can never criticise a parenting decision just because they don’t make those decisions themselves bizarre. The whole “But you can’t possibly understaaaand how hard it is, you can’t say what you’d do” routine… why does this only seem to apply to parenting?

If you were unhappy with your medical treatment, you’d be advised to at least question it - you wouldn’t be told “Awwh, but being a doctor is hard though” and be expected to suck it up because you’re not a doctor and therefore don’t understand. And I’d bet my house on the parents who think they should be beyond criticism from non-parents are up at the school quick smart if they think the teachers are treating their child unfairly, despite not being teachers themselves.

I remember once giving a poster advice and support on how to help her suicidal teenager, because I was a suicidal teenager (whose own mother was abusive and therefore utterly useless).

Perhaps I should have made it clear that my experience was irrelevant, having never birthed a child. :O

It’s such a great name though.

Ah the phrase "just because we haven't birthed a child" thrown around in a way that diminishes so much of what it actually is to be a mum, always puts me in mind of the Peep Show quote,
"If there isn't room here for people who stand against everything you believe in, then what sort of hippy free for all is this?"

How does it “diminish” it?

I have my neice living with me and have done for some time. I may not be a mum but i know far more about what it is to parent a child well than my abusive parents ever did, my mother may have birthed me but she did not parent me.

So you are right birthing a child alone is not the sum total of good parenting. But what I hate on here is how often parents put ALL parents above childfree people. Forgetting that that means they are making out that abusive parents are better than childfree people. So actually sometimes its the parents who distinguish it merely based on who birthed a child.

The thing that gets on my threepennies about this topic is the utter lack of imagination on the part of the OP for posting in the first place. Every every time.

Just scroll through the topics. Work it out. How hard can it be?

the phrase "just because we haven't birthed a child" thrown around in a way that diminishes so much of what it actually is to be a mum

No it doesn't. It's a factual descriptor. Sorry if you'd prefer an ode to motherhood each time.