To ask why so many child-free people are on Mumsnet?

[DarlingClementine85]

I already know this is going to be divisive and I'm hesitating before I even type this. I don't mean this in a snarky or judgemental way at all. It's just a straightforward question that I've been pondering. It seems there's a lot of posters on here who are child-free by choice (I'm not talking about people dealing with infertility who would dearly love to be parents). And I was wondering why, as this is predominantly a forum for getting or giving parental advice? For questions about trying to understand their friends with kids, I absolutely get it. But I see plenty of threads about various parenting issues and there's always people saying things like "I don't have kids, but..."

TIA for not taking offence!!

Weird that you’ve assumed people calling you and OP for exclusionary behaviour are non-parents. Plenty of parents can see through you.

The only hostile people are you and OP, hell bent on demonising child free people.

All this time you’ve spent insisting you can’t be arsed to do your homework or that it’s too upsetting, when you could have done an advanced search yourself and reported back 😂

People with kids have said insensitive things about the childfree too. There was a thread on here where one poster laid the blame for the appalling child abuse cases that were widely discussed in the media last year at the door of people who don’t want children. I didn’t extrapolate from one person’s illogical and offensive drivel that this is what ‘parents’ believe, yet you came on to a thread asking why childfree posters are on MN to go on about what surely - if they exist - must be a small minority of childfree posters.

No, I don’t go on the parenting threads as like the majority of CFBC I have zero interest in them. There’s still enough on here that is relevant to my life and interests as has been repeatedly pointed out.

Yet I see you are posting about childfree posters being entitled in thinking they can post ‘on equal terms’ as parents - this is a public forum and anyone can post as long as they follow the rules. You are coming across as the entitled in your comments, thinking that you as a parent can police who can post and how.

My work blocked Reddit on the work network.
So here I am.

🤣🤣 you really do think you're in a special club don't you. Embarrassing.

What a load of bullshit on one thread 😂
I very much doubt OP is getting “threatening personal messages now”

I guess those will be from all these ‘child free people’ who seek out posts by Mums just to ridicule them right?
The reality is I have seen FAR MORE posts from parent to parent judging them, but is that ok because they birthed a child so have some sort of right to be a dick?

In the words of Billie (I'm showing my age here)

"because we want to!
because we want to! "

If such threads exist, they're clearly not 'parenting' threads, are they?

Wow, it's almost as if you're not new and you just wanted to have a go at the mean ol' childfree women. 🙄

It’s a largely female space where people talk about relationships and life.

I occasionally read the parenting threads but only when it’s something like mums having trouble with other mums.

I suppose YABU for asking this question in AIBU :), @DarlingClementine85 .
I'm pretty sure there is some newcomers' corner somewhere on this site, where replies would be more user friendly.

And that's the first thing to learn here - if you want smaller, more focused discussion, write to a specific subforum.

AIBU will give you the biggest number of reactions in the shortest time, but you need to sift through them, as part of the posters didn't understand your question, half of them won't reflect your updates and you will be inevitably told you are being unreasonable (that's a kind of tax for posting here).

Penis Beaker

OP I've only read your posts as having been on here for a year or so now I can imagine how horrendous some of the comments you will get are, and I can't bear to read them! But I would say I thought/think exactly the same. It's confusing why, as someone with no interest in being a parent, you would want to be on Mumsnet. I wouldn't go and join a whiskey drinkers forum because I have no interest in whisky, even if there are all kind of topics on there about style and whatever else. I did see you had a very helpful comment from someone about happening upon the forum when searching for some specific advice on Google so I guess that's where some people find it. I must say I suspect some other people have joined purely to be vicious because there are a lot of people that seem to enjoy being that way on here on perfectly reasonable posts...

@OhwhyOY please point me in the direction of other large, busy forums that are largely woman-focussed and have a strong tradition of gender-critical feminism and I'll go there instead and get out from under the feet of all the mummies.

I was on another, smaller and more niche forum and a well known member who was pregnant at the time was also on Mumsnet. She linked the thread on there because it was so funny.

I've been around ever since, and recognise occasional posters from the other forum.

Incidentally the other forum also has people who aren't the target demographic and would seem to have no reason to be there but they are still valued members of the community.

Exactly this.

I must say I suspect some other people have joined purely to be vicious because there are a lot of people that seem to enjoy being that way on here on perfectly reasonable posts...

Ah yes childfree women just joining to be vicious whilst the parents on here are all perfect angels 🙄

Parenthood does not convey sainthood. The vast majority of posters on here, parents or not not, are amazing and supportive but they dont take shit and they give it to people straight. Some of the posters are cunts, parents or otherwise. And some love to do the faux naivety and whine about mean people and wonder why women arent kind any more because they don't like having their shit called out. But parenthood status is fairly irrelevant to any of that.

So maybe some childless people do join purely to be vicious who knows? But maybe some parents do too, who knows? For all we know the sea serpent poster might be the mother of three sets of twins, with an outing hobby, a husband who cycles and a 6 figure job. Who knows?

Weirdly im a member of piston heads despite not driving and i never get asked why I dare be a member on there...

It’s called Mumsnet. That’s the first thing you’re faced with. I don’t think it’s entirely without merit that your first impression would be that it is a site populated by mums. If the name drew you to the site why would you feel you had to trawl the wider site to get the measure of it? And yes there are off parenting topics but it’s not beyond the realms to consider that those threads might be secondary interests to people that also happen to be mums. That what drew people to the site is to come for the parenting advice then stay for the rest.

The OP expressed surprise that people who aren’t parents at all have looked for the site in the first place and stayed, that’s all.

After all, I doubt I would have looked twice at a site called “dadsnet” as I would have assumed it had nothing in it for me. But there’s nothing to stop a football chat or a tv series chat starting on that site among who I would assume to be dads. I might well be interested in football or a tv series but I wouldn’t have found it without thinking I had a reason to trawl the site.

People don't usually search "mumsnet". I searched about house sale and this site came up. I just keep away from proper parenting topics. But bitching about sellers/buyers can be very much done by anyone. Also the money threads are interesting. Again, popped up on google.

There have been several explanations in this thread into how child free people have found MN and why they've stayed.

I got some great advice about leaving a violent relationship many years ago. Should I have left immediately after because I've never had children?

This is exactly why.

I do take your point @DarlingClementine85

I wonder this too!

I'd have thought that many young members of MN would have other places where they could ask for advice and 'chat'.

I'm often really surprised when I read a post and it's from someone, say mid 20s, and childless. Not a criticism, but I wonder what brings them to something names as a 'parenting forum'.

Are there no other forums like this for young(er) people who are childless?

Childfree and childless are 2 different things.

Should we not go on the feminism, style or pet boards (which have nothing to do with parenting), because we don't have children?