Page 2 | Ex’s fiancé posting my 4 year old

fouetter · 2023-05-21T15:40:44+00:00

My husband and I haven’t finalised our divorce but he is already engaged to his girlfriend, that he’s be secretly with for 10 years. My husband has not spoken to me in a year since i discovered her existence. She is now posting my 4 year old son on social media, and my lawyers complained to his lawyers it was inappropriate, and to my surprise, his lawyers countered the fact I had a private account dedicated to my son (set up within the marriage for mine and my husband’s friends and family), that I was hypocrite as I have an account. But I am his mother… My lawyers seem to think little I can do. I have never met this new fiancé , and think this is inappropriate she is posting our child. Would anyone have any advice?

Original poster

fouetter · 21/05/2023 17:06

The worst being be met her in a bar in Czech during the football, when she only age 17. But that’s another story!

OP posts:

Carryonkeepinggoing · 21/05/2023 17:07

Since he’s refusing meditation then at some point a family court judge is just going to say EOW weekend plus half of holidays, or 50/50 in a 2/2/5/5 pattern or something similar. And that choice will be based on your child being cared for adequately in both homes and ideally getting regular quality time with both parents. Judge won’t give a fuck about the Other Woman playing stepmum before you’re ready for that to happen unless she’s a serious risk to your child - like she has convictions for child neglect/abuse level of risk. Don’t waste your money on things you can’t change. Spend it on things that might help you - like some counseling for you and your child. This is a big pile of horseshit and I’m sorry.

qazxc · 21/05/2023 17:08

I understand that ir may seem strange or even be upsetting, but unfortunately there isn't anything you can do. She will say she is doing it with exh knowledge and permission.
Do not post anything on her page, it will o ly give him ammo to skew the narrative that you are crazy, obsessed, jealous,.... and encourage her to do it all the more if she knows it gets to you.
Block or mute her so that you don't have to see the posts.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2023 17:10

fouetter · 21/05/2023 16:56

Thank you. I am just concerned for our son, and seemed rather odd and not in his best interests.

In what was are you concerned? What kind of photos are they?

It's hard but of course a father can permit his partner to post photos of his child and presumably their time together.

NoTouch · 21/05/2023 17:14

He sounds awful OP, and they have both behaved terribly in the past. But, he is equally your sons parent and that means he gets to make choices for him too that you might not agree with and will need to just ignore or your son is going to be the one who suffers the most from two parents whose relationship will become more and more toxic.

Posting pictures on faceache is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things.

Reugny · 21/05/2023 17:15

Repeating PPs advice -

Do not write anything on her social media and don't try to or actually communication/contact her particularly as your ex is only speaking through solicitors.

(Block her so you are not tempted to.)

If you do he can go after you for harassing members of his household and the Family Court take dragging or trying to drag third parties into your arguments very seriously.

truthhurts23 · 21/05/2023 17:18

i think its weird when people post pictures of other peoples children without permission , ask her nicely to take them down , if she doesnt , keep reporting her account or something..

Lostmyway86 · 21/05/2023 17:20

As a stepmum myself who has posted pics of my DSDs in the past, I would advise speaking to her directly. I offered to meet my DSDs mum before I even met the children and would have totally understood if this had been something she'd brought up. I wasn't the other woman but she outright refused to meet me or speak me to at drop offs/pick ups and was just generally nasty. So after a while I would post things of the family on SM with them included. Mainly because I don't want to leave them out when things of my DDs was going on. She's never said anything, but if she did I would respect it and stop. I'd be gutted if someone else was posting my children without my permission so would appreciate being asked!

In terms of the legal side, there's literally nothing you can do sadly so don't waste any more money on lawyers sending letters about it!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/05/2023 17:22

Unfortunately if their father has given permission then there’s nothing you can do.

My DDs step-mother did this and there was nothing that could be done as their father was fine with it. Even though my girls were in their teens and it was them who objected.

Don’t contact her directly - don’t risk being accused of harassment

Toottooot · 21/05/2023 17:22

truthhurts23 · 21/05/2023 17:18

i think its weird when people post pictures of other peoples children without permission , ask her nicely to take them down , if she doesnt , keep reporting her account or something..

She probably HAS got permission - from the da - the other person with equal rights. 🤷🏻‍♀️

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 21/05/2023 17:23

truthhurts23 · 21/05/2023 17:18

i think its weird when people post pictures of other peoples children without permission , ask her nicely to take them down , if she doesnt , keep reporting her account or something..

She has permission from the child's father.

She doesn't need OP's permission as well.

TallerThanAverage · 21/05/2023 17:36

fouetter · 21/05/2023 16:59

Was just a milestone page made for family and friends we don’t see as we moved countries. Just came here for so advice. I actually haven’t even posted on that as seemed uncomfortable in divorce as was our family posts. That why shocked a now unused account from within marriage used as their reasoning.

The only thing that you can probably do is take your page down and both of you don’t share images online.

Starlightstarbright1 · 21/05/2023 17:38

On top of everything else posted if his solicitor asks something that is child related - not a legal matter reply yourself or not at all - save your money .

also get used to parallel parenting - you won’t be co parenting with someone who won’t .

it’s hard so much has been out of your control - focus on what you can

Coffeeandcards · 21/05/2023 17:43

I know it’s weird and hard, but:

Alternative perspective: his new stepmum (I know they’re not married yet) is interested /likes your child enough to include them in life and post about them as part of their lives. Surely that can’t be a bad thing overall…

Mrssheppard18 · 21/05/2023 17:53

You’re angry with you ex not with her. Maybe instead of seeing it as a negative, see it as a positive that your child has a soon to be step mum who cares about them and wants them involved in their lives instead of pushing them out.

aSofaNearYou · 21/05/2023 17:54

I mean, I understand why you don't like it, but YABU. If he's happy for her to post them, as equal parent, then it isn't inappropriate.

porridgeisbae · 21/05/2023 17:55

Make the account private (without him or fans of him on it) so they can't get at the pics. Or delete that account and just have your own personal private one, or none.

Confusion101 · 21/05/2023 18:00

I think it is a little contradictory you are concerned about your son and it's not in his best interests when she posts pictures but you have a specific account dedicated to sharing pictures of him. 🙈 She is marrying the child's father. Not a whole lot you can do about it unfortunately!

EsmeSusanOgg · 21/05/2023 18:01

Mrssheppard18 · 21/05/2023 17:53

You’re angry with you ex not with her. Maybe instead of seeing it as a negative, see it as a positive that your child has a soon to be step mum who cares about them and wants them involved in their lives instead of pushing them out.

I'd be angry with the OW who had been shagging my husband for a decade... I think that would be totally normal.

Original poster

fouetter · 21/05/2023 18:18

I think if she had interest in working in the best interests of my son, and the new family set up as it now is, she would want to meet me, communicate and put him as the focus. Not be instagram posting “her son” as its confusing for him. Remember he is 4. I fell its her attempts to smooth the narrative. She has told mutual friends she feels god has blessed her as she is “saving” a child. My husband converting to Catholicism for her, and asked for an annulment of our 12 year marriage on top of the divorce. The social posting does make me uncomfortable.

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Confusion101 · 21/05/2023 18:30

Seeing as you and your ex have to use solicitors to communicate with each other, I would find it very weird if she reached out and tried to communicate with you.

letthemalldoone · 21/05/2023 18:32

@fouetter so sorry you are in this situation. What a bastard! Shagging another woman when you were only married for a couple of years and then to go on and have a child with you, takes a special kind of scumbag. You are well rid of him.

Block her and him on all social media. Don't torture yourself any more.

I don't know why posters are commenting that you are jealous?! I think anyone in this position would be going through a whole range of complicated emotions, and now you have to share your little boy with this cow. And yes, she is a cow and worse. She clearly knew he was married and that he had a baby with you while also in a relationship with her. They deserve each other.

I hope you will in time be able to put this behind you and be happy xx

Shadowworry · 21/05/2023 18:36

fouetter · 21/05/2023 17:02

The judge ordered use of OFW sadly he won’t engage.

Well that’s going to look good for him and neither is a lack of reply. I know he might seem like his security or privacy but as long as the photos are not comprising try to reframe it at least she isn’t air brushing him out and is keen to welcome him and treat him as a family etc

Original poster

fouetter · 21/05/2023 18:41

Thank you. Was so shocked people used that word too, I just want to protect my son. All friends I have that have entered a relationship where there are children are respectful and step back, and communicate. She has never met me. He loved her over fully time from US last summer, and has been saying to my son to call her “mommy” - I guess this is immaturity, but damaging to my son as he's anxious etc xxx

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Shadowworry · 21/05/2023 18:44

fouetter · 21/05/2023 18:18

I think if she had interest in working in the best interests of my son, and the new family set up as it now is, she would want to meet me, communicate and put him as the focus. Not be instagram posting “her son” as its confusing for him. Remember he is 4. I fell its her attempts to smooth the narrative. She has told mutual friends she feels god has blessed her as she is “saving” a child. My husband converting to Catholicism for her, and asked for an annulment of our 12 year marriage on top of the divorce. The social posting does make me uncomfortable.

Interesting on what ground would he be given an annulment?

I would refuse to discuss him with mutual friends as this is distressing for you and could well not be true or them stirring the pot.

if she is telling mutual friends she is saving a child - she’s going to sound absolutely batshit.

I would always be more than reasonable- offer to meet him with a third party maybe (not her) so that you can discuss your sons handovers and continuity of care at nursery / school etc but although you are fuming, betrayed and hurt and deserve this never to have happened - take that away. Your ex is an adult - so what if he wants to become catholic or whatever - that’s his adult decision. He’s not jumping from woman to woman - take whatever grains you can.

Are you having counselling? X