Are all 6/7/8 year old girls bossy?

[BossyChild]

DD is 8, Y4.

She’s struggled a lot since lockdown socially. School couldn’t really pinpoint what exactly was going on.

Just observing her play with some similar aged girls at a birthday party of her cousin (cousin is slightly younger, just 7 and at a different school) and she’s just bossing them about.

“You stay here”
“You need to do this”
“I’m going to do this while you do this ok?”

And other similar.

I’ve told her to stop being so bossy but she manages a few minutes and reverts back to bossy.

Is this normal at this age? She’s an only child so that might also be part of it

Please don't call her bossy. It's a put down often used against assertive women and isn't used for boys or men.

She is obviously has an assertive nature and the fact that she was a bit older than others made it easier for her to take on the leader role in that situation.

Don't dampen it down. She will soon work out for herself when she should take the lead like this and when not to and when it is welcomed and when it is not.

My 7 year old is with her little brother but less so with her friends.

My DD is like this but so was my DSS.

I think some children are naturally assertive, but they do need support to work out when to lead and when to let others lead.

Thank you everyone, fair enough on the bossy comment @SeasonFinale it's great she's assertive of course

@Freddiefox Definitely going to feedback to school about my observations and hopefully they can help her to navigate it.

I think assertiveness and bossiness are quite different though?

Oh don't label her bossy. Have a think about how you'd describe the same behaviour in a boy or a man. Assertive? Leader? Knows what they want? Confident?

Confident, assertive, commanding, authoritative, in firm control etc etc.

Not bossy. Bossy in a gendered insult.

No girls aren’t all like that, I wasn’t. My ‘bossy’ sister has better boundaries and is more successful. I was and am a people pleaser and wish I wasn’t!

I think 6/7/8 year olds can be like that but I'd call it blunt.

If the other child went against her orders or was showing non verbal signs of not wanting to do what she does, would she be ok? Does she go along with what others want sometimes ? If there's a balance between both sides then that's fine imo.

@WheelsUp The others are seeming to do what she's wanting them to do and don't seem distressed or upset in anyway by it. If they didn't want to I don't know what DD would do as I've never seen her like this before

I have 3 dds. One was most definitely bossy. One was assertive. And one was a pushover. Ds, otoh, was simply a pain in the arse.

Just to add, they’re all nearly grown up now, and quite human

I despise the word bossy. Leave your daughter alone.

Of course they aren’t. I mean surely it’s obvious that it’s really unlikely that every single girl child will share one specific personality trait? My oldest dd was often bossed around because she was very shy. Her younger sister would usually be the one bossing!

I think at a certain age a lot of kids can be bossy, as they are old enough to know what they want but not quite old enough to always be reliably able to take a minute and think of what others would want.

I don't think all people of any particular sex or age are bossy. There are a variety of personalities across both sexes and all ages. At age 8 or 9 children who tend to have dominant personalities haven't yet learned social skills so it looks more exaggerated. Likewise shy children haven't learned ways of dealing with their shyness so seem very shy.

And I would say rather than ‘don’t be so bossy’ it might help to actually tell her what to do. Like ‘I wonder what Emily would do’ or ‘has Emily had the chance to choose? Why don’t you swap and have her be the leader for a bit?’ That way she’s actually getting an idea of what to do rather than just ‘don’t be bossy.’

Oh, in addition, the same level of assertiveness tends to be viewed differently in boys and girls, so by all means teach consideration and social skills but not moreso than you would for a boy.

Thank you everyone, will definitely feedback to school on my observations, they've offered friendship work with DD so I hope that they can do this.

At school DD gets isolated often so wondering if she's just being over assertive with her classmates and they;re not liking it.

What do you mean by isolated? Is your DD told to sit out by the teacher or is it the other children who don't want to play with her? If it is the latter then that is your clue. I was similar to your DD, my friend didn't like it so we'd have a screaming row every day. Maybe the other children are showing their displeasure in a different way to arguing back.

Maybe it could help if she thought about taking turns in playing a game in the same way she would with a board game or with a toy? If she could have some kind of rule they could all work with so everyone got a say?

@DemonicCaveMaggot Yes the latter, she's starting to spend more and more time alone, but school couldn't find out why so I'm wondering if she's over asserting herself with the other children and they don't like it.

My middle daughter, now 16, was very bossy when younger!

Jerk? That's what I would think, male or female.

Some children (of either sex) are bossy rather than assertive. There’s a difference. In that situation, ‘bossy’ is actually a nicer way of saying dictatorial and controlling in some situations.