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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher telling 4 year old her work is *No good

114 replies

Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 19:10

We live abroad, Dh and I are British but speak the language we reside in now, I’m not great, Dh speaks fluently.
Dd is 4 and has been at Pre school since September, she speaks a small amount, but not fluently yet.
Majority of people where we are speak English also, her teacher doesn’t really (obviously don’t expect her to speak English at all)
Dd came home upset today, she said she had painted her picture wrong and painted inside a heart instead of around it, but that she didn’t know. She said her teacher said to her it was No good and moved it out of the way, she said she didn’t shout it at her but didn’t let her do another etc. I asked my Dd what she did and she said she just sat there. She then said that she also did a picture of people wrong as she painted their faces black and the teacher also moved it and said it was *No good. Dd then said she drew the boy with a striped t-shirt and that it was okay and that wasn’t wrong.
From what I can gather, having seen todays display on the wall, it was a heart with a picture of your family inside, I guess Dd wasn’t meant to paint inside the heart as the picture was meant to be there and I’m guessing her painting the faces black was wrong, because we don’t have black skin.
Dd didn’t understand what to do, I realise it’s not the teachers fault she doesn’t speak English, but is saying that her pictures are no good and moving them the correct thing to do? Am I being over sensitive in feeling sad for Dd?
Also in her reports it’s says that Dd needs a lot of extra assistance with her work and can’t do things independently (at home she’s so good, really bright, confident and independent) I asked the teacher about it and I asked wasn’t that because she doesn’t speak the language fully yet, she looked embarrassed and said yes and now always writes this on her report.
Aibu to also expect her to be shown how to do things and to have help being taught her new language?

OP posts:
Original poster
Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 19:12

Not sure why some of it went in bold 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
red78hot · 19/05/2023 19:13

Your poor DD, she's only 4! The teacher should have re-explained and let her have another go.

Original poster
Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 19:16

@red78hot I know, I’m feeling really anger/upset for her. She seems ok, but I worry what kind of damage that can do to a small child, I’ve been giving her extra compliments this afternoon etc and telling how good she is at things just to try to boost her a bit 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 19:17

@red78hot I asked her (Dd) if she could do another, she said no, which I also don’t understand, so what now, she just won’t have a picture on display? Even if it was *Wrong, why use those actual words of it being No good

OP posts:
Original poster
Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 19:18

*Angry

OP posts:
NoKnit · 19/05/2023 19:23

Need to know the culture here to understand context fully. It does sound like your daughter doesn't understand the instructions. Which isn't really anyone's fault. I guess where you are depends on whether it is compulsory for her to be in school, I assume not for her age. Can't you just put her into nursery or playgroups to immerse her into the language?

Also if your dh is fluent get him to speak to the teacher in case they feel there is a total language barrier with the family.

GoodChat · 19/05/2023 19:28

Did the teacher say it in her native language or in English?

If she said it in English she might not know enough words to communicate and tried to say "not good".
Alternatively she might have been trying to communicate in as basic native language as possible so that DD would understand.

Srin · 19/05/2023 19:31

You aren’’t going to change the teacher but you can help your child to improve her language skills. It will help her academically and socially. Can your DH do more to help or hire her a tutor, if not.

Fizzadora · 19/05/2023 19:31

While it's not unreasonable to be a little upset that your DD is struggling to understand what she's expected to do, this will only continue until her language skills improve. I would suggest that you both take some extra lessons as a matter of urgency and if your DH is fluent then he should be stepping up and helping with this.
Perhaps you could all make a concerted effort to converse in the other language while at home, at least for a while.
You can't blame the teacher for this but you should try and get her onside to help your DD.

Original poster
Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 19:33

@NoKnit They start compulsory school at age 6, this is Pre school, so mainly playing, I thought it could be the perfect place to have an introduction to the language in a little more depth. She has friends who speak the native language and Dh reads some books to her in the language etc, we’ve also taught her the number, greetings, colours etc, but were hoping she’d be taught it at school too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 19:35

We do help at home a lot, but we’d expect it from school also.
I’m just concerned that her words could knock Dds confidence?

OP posts:
Outofthepark · 19/05/2023 19:37

Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 19:18

*Angry

I think the teacher is failing at her job tbh, it's not uncommon to have a child in a school in any country that has a different 1st language. Teachers need a strategy for this.

IMO just turning up, joining in, and not having a pee accident at some point is impressive for any 4 year old let alone one who has the scary prospect of going to a place where she doesn't understand anybody!

AgrathaChristie · 19/05/2023 19:39

I don’t think the language or lack of a language matters. Who in their right mind tells a 4 year old their picture is not good? That is crap teaching in any culture. Your daughter must have felt crushed.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 19/05/2023 19:42

I don’t know what country you are in, but I have lived in two European countries( and USA, but that’s a different ball game). Neither of those countries made much ( ?any?) provision for people or children who didn’t speak in the language of the country, outside international settings.

i know that Mumsnet believes that everywhere in Europe is wonderful compared to UK, but British schools and institutions make far more accommodations for non native speakers than many others. I remember telling a French friend that a maternity unit in London had provision for 96 languages. She didn’t believe me, then she fell about laughing, then She said we were mad. They believe it is up to the ‘stranger’ to accommodate, not the host.

You need to start immersing your daughter in the language of her play and schoolmates. She needs to watch Tv in that language, and you and DH need to talk to her in it to the best of your ability.

JustHowItIs · 19/05/2023 19:44

Poor wee DD.

what language is it?

I think, at 4, it should be easy enough to show her what needs to be done. Surely DD understands the words for picture, your family, etc

the language barrier was probably the cause of the 'no good' but coukd also be cultural. lots of cultures are more direct, less softly softly.

I don't think the school should be responsible for teaching the language to get her to the same level as the other kids. They're there to teach the curriculum in that language, not to teach the language.

I wonder if any of the children doesk both fluently so they can explain the tasks to DD?

she'll pick it up playing IF the children aren't speaking to her in English. Is there a group she can join at the weekend where she'll mix with native speakers

DH needs to step up too and only speak to her in the native language.

After 8 months I'd expect a 4yo to be pretty much fluent if exposed to the language enough.

Original poster
Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 20:00

She plays with her best friend at the weekends, who speaks no English yet and we do teach her bits at home, but we obviously don’t speak it all the time.
I just feel so sad for her.
I’m worried this could be a regular thing, do I speak to the teacher or just leave it?
Dd even said she didn’t know what to do as the teacher didn’t explain it, if I didn’t know and was given a heart cut out and red paint, I’d paint the heart red too!
She told me hater that she painted her friend in the class, who has a black face and gave him a striped t-shirt, she had no idea what to do, to then he told it was no good, it wasn’t her fault!

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BattingDown · 19/05/2023 20:07

When the teacher said no good, was that her trying to explain in English? Or is it just the only bit your daughter understood? It sounds like she simplified the language to help her understand and it just came across harsh to English ears. I’m guessing this might be where we used to live from the school age and it’s just culturally much more blunt. Your daughter is adjusting to the culture as well as the language.

Floralnomad · 19/05/2023 20:13

I think you need to see how things progress as you are taking a 4 yo word for exactly what was said and I’m sure everyone knows that sometimes people do relay stories differently to how it actually went . FWIW if you are planning on sending your child to a school where they speak a different language I think you need to predominantly speak that language at home until she is fluent .

jannier · 19/05/2023 20:15

Totally inappropriate comments to such young children you shouldn't be damaging their self esteem as a teacher let alone an early years teacher is this your only school option?

WinedropsOnMoses · 19/05/2023 20:21

OP no need to say if it's too outing, but is your DC in Greek school by any chance? Very tough adjustment if so. Translations can come across VERY bluntly. Agree though that teacher's response is not okay at all.

Original poster
Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 20:22

Not Greece, no.

It could be a language thing, from the teachers side, but I don’t know, surely you know those words aren’t good?
Would you mention it or leave it?

OP posts:
Isthisexpected · 19/05/2023 20:24

I think she is a rubbish teacher and/or used the wrong English expression to try to explain "you haven't understood the task" basically!

Original poster
Itiswhatitisamilliontimes · 19/05/2023 20:24

I’m reluctant to up root her to a new school because of one teacher, she has ) weeks left to go until summer and I’m hoping she doesn’t have her next year too

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Crispyturtle · 19/05/2023 20:25

Do you think maybe the teacher didn’t know how to explain in English that your daughter hadn’t done it correctly, and so simplified it to ‘no good’? Meaning no good for what they are trying to achieve (picture of their family inside a heart) rather than lacking in skill.

Haywirecity · 19/05/2023 20:25

I am a pretty tough teacher - my students would agree with that. 😄 But i have to say this makes me go, awww. Because she's only 4!

As these projects come up, could you get them to send you the lesson plan in advance so you could explain to her what she's got to do? That might help with her confidence. Other than that, could you get her pictures back from the teacher and stick them on your fridge, telling her how good they are?

Don't worry, she'll be picking the language up in no time and leaving you well behind. She'll be accompanying you to appointments and translating for you. It happens all the time. 😁