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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cocky junior colleague

66 replies

Curioussss · 19/05/2023 18:09

Colleague in my team who is a lot more junior than me and I sometimes manage in a team (but I’m not their line manager), can be cocky. I an female and they are a younger male if it makes any difference. He is also good at his job.

I ended up working late on a task and he messaged me after to thank me (patronising?) and then messaged me asking me to pick up another task today as he was so busy. I was a bit hmm about his phrasing as he asked if he could “let me pick up the task” as he was so busy - “let me”?

how would you deal with someone like this? Nothing big so far but lots of small incidents like the above where it is clear he is desperate to progress and really lacking in humility.

OP posts:
howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 19/05/2023 18:14

Thanks for the opportunity to do your work for you but I have my hands full at the moment with my own assignments. Anyway good luck with it, I'm sure you'll find a way to manage your time successfully.

Allezvite · 19/05/2023 18:16

If you are his manager you might want to email him back asking if he is struggling with his workload. And if you’re not you could suggest he speaks to his line manger if he is struggling with his workload.

Either way, you have no capacity or inclination to pick up his tasks I’m sure. I’m also sure you’re happy to make time to oversee or help train him if he’s not sure on a process yet.

AgnesX · 19/05/2023 18:16

I work with some younger guys who are like that. Full of themselves, ambitious and really very in your face.

Petty I know, but if I don't have to and it's not critical then I don't (I'm a people pleaser so this quite hard). It works both ways which is to my own detriment so hey-ho.

Changingplace · 19/05/2023 18:17

Say sorry but you don’t have capacity to pick up his workload, Cc in his line manager and ask if someone else can help?

Yeah kinda passive aggressive but alerts his line manager to the tone of his message, and in terms of helping his workload, they’re the person he should go to, not you.

WeegieWan · 19/05/2023 18:18

I would reply with what you said - '"Let me??" "Would I mind" might be a more appropriate way of asking for this favour, my fellow colleague!' I might be also inclined to add that as payment for doing this favour for him, mine was a coffee, thanks for asking.

But then I'm middle aged and take no shit from anyone...

Original poster
Curioussss · 19/05/2023 18:21

Sorry I should have added - the task was to be picked up by either one of us and typically it is the more junior person who does it but it is an “all hands on deck” type situation. So it wasnt so much what he was asking me to do, more how he was essentially telling me!

OP posts:
Newspeaker · 19/05/2023 18:24

Are you his line manager? If yes then - "Hi John. I'm afraid I haven't got time to pick up this task for you. Are you having problems with your workload? Shall we have a chat about how I can help you manage?"
If you aren't his line manager "Hi John, I'm afraid I don't have time for you to let me pick up this task for you. You should speak to X line manager if you need some help."
The comment thanking you - I'd let that go this time, but you just need to be ready to assert a bit of authority. "No need for you to thank me, just doing my job".

Eleganz · 19/05/2023 18:28

So you aren't his line manager but occasionally supervise him - is that formal or informal? You say he is junior is that in position or just experience? Sorry just trying to get a handle on exactly what the dynamic is here.

If you have an issue you can't address directly with him you need to raise it with your line manager (who I presume is his line manager too). Sounds like a lack of clear delineation of tasks between roles is not helping here.

Doingmybest12 · 19/05/2023 18:32

I would ignore and shut down his communication with perfect professional communication. Leave him hanging and feeling uncomfortable.

Original poster
Curioussss · 19/05/2023 18:33

Sorry yes so we work in a project based industry where is for example the junior person on the project, im the project manager and then we will have a project director. I have a a few more years of experience than him in both specific workplace experience, qualifications and age. He is good though and capable although obviously does make mistakes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Curioussss · 19/05/2023 18:33

Good idea, @Doingmybest12 - how? An example would be really helpful

OP posts:
handydandynotebook · 19/05/2023 18:34

Depends very much on what your roles are here in terms of managing etc. I'd expect people to be able to work and flex for the good of the whole team.

Azandme · 19/05/2023 18:35

You aren't his manager, by your own admission the job is for either of you, so you're both in the wrong.

Him for using the word "let", you for being ageist and sexist when describing him. Him being younger or male has zero bearing.

I assume by junior you mean has been there a shorter time. Again, if he's good at his job this means nothing.

The word "let" is irritating, and I'd mention it to him - but if the job is for either of you and he is busy, then why shouldn't he ask (albeit with better language) you to do it.

You come across as quite superior, because you're older, female, and been there longer. That's not good.

Original poster
Curioussss · 19/05/2023 18:37

Well no @Azandme he is literally junior, he is several steps below me on the ladder. I am also more qualified.

OP posts:
handydandynotebook · 19/05/2023 18:37

You could cc manager and reply and say you seem to often run out of time at end of day to complete these tasks shall we have a meeting to discuss your work load - don't want you getting burnt out. Don't do sorry in an email. Anyway. It all depends really on exactly what I it is.

Original poster
Curioussss · 19/05/2023 18:37

And yes, he is fine to ask, but not in that way.

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 19/05/2023 18:38

Tbh I hate the whole work thing about seeing colleagues as junior yes people have line manager tasks or supervisor tasks but it's far more productive to work as a cohesive team. For those who say that's not possible we do it as a team of 20 and will refer things to management if there is a issue otherwise we all get on with it and help each other out. We use a system to then see if colleagues are able to take on elements because a team member is snowed under.

I don't agree with how he has phrased it to "let you do a piece of work". Would probably reply with I will pick this piece up but in future please discuss if there are elements that you wish to hand over to workload pressures.

handydandynotebook · 19/05/2023 18:38

Azandme · 19/05/2023 18:35

You aren't his manager, by your own admission the job is for either of you, so you're both in the wrong.

Him for using the word "let", you for being ageist and sexist when describing him. Him being younger or male has zero bearing.

I assume by junior you mean has been there a shorter time. Again, if he's good at his job this means nothing.

The word "let" is irritating, and I'd mention it to him - but if the job is for either of you and he is busy, then why shouldn't he ask (albeit with better language) you to do it.

You come across as quite superior, because you're older, female, and been there longer. That's not good.

I agree with this assessment based on what you've said OP but appreciate limited information has been provided

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/05/2023 18:38

“Herbert - it would appear you have misunderstood the structure here. You are a new colleague and the most junior in the team, whereas I am senior to you. I therefore find both the tone and content of your messages to be very unprofessional.

xX task is usually carried out by the junior team member, so I will end you to complete it by close of play.

Yours,
@Curioussss“

Original poster
Curioussss · 19/05/2023 18:40

@Scottishskifun i agree, I’m just providing context, i don’t regard myself as senior or junior to people generally - I do have an issue when someone who is not my manager essentially tries to manage me or tell me what to do. I work in a male dominated and sharp elbowed industry and am fairly gentle / chilled as a person - so I can see exactly what I’d happening and it feels like this one is taking advantage

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 19/05/2023 18:40

I would reply and say

"And I will let you ask me if I could possibly pick up this task please!!"

WonderingWanda · 19/05/2023 18:40

It's just about manners not who is more or less senior.

Original poster
Curioussss · 19/05/2023 18:41

@WonderingWanda exactly, it’s manners - and it’s also a condescending way to speak to someone

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 19/05/2023 18:43

@Curioussss yes, I cannot abide people who can't be polite, put him firmly back in his box!

Original poster
Curioussss · 19/05/2023 18:44

The reason why I mentioned age and sex is because I’m a lawyer and a lot of the younger guys behave like this. It’s exhausting.

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