Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cocky junior colleague

66 replies

Curioussss · 19/05/2023 18:09

Colleague in my team who is a lot more junior than me and I sometimes manage in a team (but I’m not their line manager), can be cocky. I an female and they are a younger male if it makes any difference. He is also good at his job.

I ended up working late on a task and he messaged me after to thank me (patronising?) and then messaged me asking me to pick up another task today as he was so busy. I was a bit hmm about his phrasing as he asked if he could “let me pick up the task” as he was so busy - “let me”?

how would you deal with someone like this? Nothing big so far but lots of small incidents like the above where it is clear he is desperate to progress and really lacking in humility.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 19/05/2023 19:32

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 19/05/2023 18:14

Thanks for the opportunity to do your work for you but I have my hands full at the moment with my own assignments. Anyway good luck with it, I'm sure you'll find a way to manage your time successfully.

Perfect!

MatildaTheCat · 19/05/2023 19:35

God almighty, not one person I’ve seen has mentioned speaking to him.

‘Quick word Josh? Just wanted to give you the heads up that you might want to be a bit careful about how you phrase things in future. Saying’can I let you’ could be really irritating when it’s coming from someone junior on the team. Obviously it’s absolutely fine to ask, just a polite request is fine. ‘

No offence is given/ taken but point made. And he might be your boss one day.

CabernetSauvignon · 19/05/2023 19:36

Point out that you weren't working late last night for the fun of it and you don't fancy being "let" work late again.

Bluey18 · 19/05/2023 19:36

Where I'm from "I'll let you..." is a very common expression. Pretty sure I said to my DP earlier "I'll let you wash the dishes and I'll take out the bins". Of course I don't think I'm doing him a favour or that I'm superior, its just a turn of phrase! I really don't think it's a hill to die on, if he's as cocky as you say I'm sure they'll be far worse to pick him up on!

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 19/05/2023 19:44

Not a lawyer but cocky (usually) male colleagues are common in my sector - and as a woman in her 40s I have had more than my fair share of "let you" moments.

You need to stamp on this very clearly and directly so that the boundaries are clear. I find that being direct but polite, so there is no room for ambiguity, does the trick. So something along the lines of "I am busy with my own agreed priorities and do not have the capacity to cover for you. If you are struggling to accommodate your workload then I suggest you speak with your line manager for advice".

Nothingisblackandwhite · 19/05/2023 19:48

Are you in the legal profession my any chance ?
I would reply “ if you have issues with your load I’m happy to set up a meeting and discuss this “
Im a solicitor and I see a lot if this from young junior colleagues . They need to be put in their place

kitsuneghost · 19/05/2023 19:55

No help but I have one of those too. I just roll my eyes at him or say I think I'm probably a bit more experienced than you at that.

theadultsaretalking · 19/05/2023 20:11

A quick question - is English his first language? My French family members use this expression quite often, so could it be something 'lost in translation'?

magicstar1 · 19/05/2023 20:11

I had this a few years ago. I’m senior in the accounts dept. and had a new male hire (also paid more than most of the older women) start throwing his weight around and telling me what to do.
I can’t give any advice as I just threatened to take him out the back and beat the snot out of him. It worked for me, but I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone.

G5000 · 19/05/2023 20:28

There have been studies that when there are men and women starting a job on the same level, very quickly the man starts ordering the woman around and acting like the manager. And in my experience, yes also not uncommon for junior males to try that with senior women. Yes you need to stamp it out, otherwise it will only get worse.

Logistria · 19/05/2023 20:39

I have no answers to offer just solidarity.

FilthyforFirth · 19/05/2023 20:44

I totally get where you are coming from. I am a PM in a male dominated industry. I can exactly sympathise with the condescending comments. I'm quite baulshy so probably not much help. I would send him a direct email telling him this is a task for his role/level and it is inappropriate for him to 'ask' you. Tell him you are happy to chat about tasks/roles if it's a bit unclear.

I would nip this asap.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 19/05/2023 20:46

nosyupnorth · 19/05/2023 19:06

Different orgs and industries have different cultural normals, but from my pov you seem to be reading a problem into some very trivial things and if you launched into an uppity 'i am the senior don't you dare ask or suggest things of me you lowly incompetent peon' response like some people here are suggesting it would be percieved as incredibly unprofessional and raise questions about your comptenence and ability to work in a team.

I see nothing patronising about him thanking you. Surely that is the normal polite response to a colleague completing part of a shared workload, especially if they are putting in extra hours to do so. If you think that is odd behavior then I wonder how unappreciative/disrespectful you're coming across to other colleagues.

As for 'can I let you pick that up', I'd consider it nothing more than a clumsy working along the lines of 'can I leave that for you to pick up' and unless he's doing follow ups about how generous he was to let you, then pulling him on the phrasing is just pedantic.

Obviously there may be more going on here than in your post, but from what you've shared it sounds like you've got a chip on your shoulder about being female in a male dominanted industry and are getting defensive about your colleague being ambitious (nothing wrong with that). As for how to deal, be polite and professional, respect the fact there's nothing wrong with him putting himself forward to progress unless he's throwing others under the bus to do so. If the task is a shared responsibility then be reasonable about who picked it up, maybe you do have more capacity than him at the moment, maybe you don't, that should be the deciding factor far more than seniority and thinking yourself above him. And for the love of god don't start cc'ing your manager to complain that he's asking you to contribute to a shared responsibility or complaining that he thanked you.

But phrasing IS important!

It shows underlying thought.... I'll let you pick this up... (you're someone to be 'told' /instructed...).

Surely lawyers check their brief mails???.... I think it's EXACTLY as he wants to come across...

Im 'giving you' (senior boss) work.....

Im SURE he would not say this if OP was male!!

Also, if he actually speaks like this to senior women, he gives the impression to other staff he is claiming a more senior role than he has attained....

I worked with a male health professional like this... There were 2 big bosses, (male) and 5 of us worker health professionals... (female) and him.. He was less qualified /experienced than us... He lorded it over women 10/20 years his senior... He was promoted (too soon) as he just 'took' this role... It certainly worked for him...

Hed say to us (always in front of othet staff...) Avocado could you just make some drinks, im a but pushed at mo... (i always declined as i wasn't playing his power games... 😂)

FictionalCharacter · 19/05/2023 20:49

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/05/2023 18:38

“Herbert - it would appear you have misunderstood the structure here. You are a new colleague and the most junior in the team, whereas I am senior to you. I therefore find both the tone and content of your messages to be very unprofessional.

xX task is usually carried out by the junior team member, so I will end you to complete it by close of play.

Yours,
@Curioussss“

Yep. Put a stop to him treating you like this or he’ll be walking all over you in no time.

BigFatLiar · 19/05/2023 21:10

Is there anyone who's meant to be managing the workload?
I suspect your young lad will use this as an example of how he's stepped up to help manage the work and really deserves more status than he currently has.
If there is a manager you could let young Herbert know that he should filter requests like this through the appropriate manager so that they have oversight of the work in progress.

Murdoch1949 · 20/05/2023 18:17

Talk to this cheeky colleague. Ask why he needs help. Say as a one off you can help, but don't make it a rule. Tell him to talk to manager if he's finding it difficult to cope with workload. He's trying it on with you, let him know you're on to him.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page