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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think reborn dolls are disturbing?

165 replies

Hazel2323 · 18/05/2023 14:04

I've just ended up down a rabbit hole on Facebook of people into reborn dolls. What the hell. Ive heard of them before but never knew just how many people are into them and the extent the obsession goes to. Dressing them, doing newborn photo shoots. They are the creepiest thing I've seen in a long time and I just can't understand why anyone would have one. Some say it's a hobby. Some have it after baby loss. Either way it's bizarre and not healthy.
I also don't like that these people are buying baby clothes to dress a doll in and toys/blankets/cots/bottles etc that real families could actually use. It seems terribly wasteful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hazel2323 · 18/05/2023 14:34

@fajitaaa now the dementia cases I can understand. Not sure why I think that's ok but not other circumstances.

OP posts:
rosydreams · 18/05/2023 14:35

do we take a child's favourite teddy or blankie because they have a close attachment,no we don't. Because although we don't understand the attachment to a inanimate object .People find things to comfort them.I find the idea weird ,of these dolls weird to but if it comforts someone and it does no harm.Then let it be ,some people have had it ruff let them have something that brings them comfort

Kanaloa · 18/05/2023 14:35

Hazel2323 · 18/05/2023 14:23

@Kanaloa oh my, that is so strange!

I don't even understand the baby loss reason. If I lost a baby the last thing I would want is a doll?!

These people need psychological help. If my husband died and I wanted a life size doll to replace him people wouldn't be so accepting of it!

And the wasteful comment is because I'm quite eco conscious and these plastic dolls, abundance of clothes etc is unnecessary. That's my opinion.

Do try to find it if you can! Wish I could remember the name of it or the channel. It was just so bonkers. I was trying to imagine how I’d react if MIL took a baby photo of one of our kids and had a special doll made of it. I’d think she’d gone nuts!

But yeah, I think it’s relatively harmless really. Not my cup of tea but then I bet I do things that other people think is a bit odd. And people dressing up their dolls and doing whatever with them definitely aren’t wasting more time than I do scrolling mumsnet or watching crap telly! If they didn’t waste their time watching Riverdale like me then I don’t think I can judge them wasting it playing with a doll. And at least their babies (unlike mine) can be shoved back in the cupboard when they can’t be arsed dressing them.

Greensleeves · 18/05/2023 14:35

Hazel2323 · 18/05/2023 14:34

@fajitaaa now the dementia cases I can understand. Not sure why I think that's ok but not other circumstances.

Again, who appointed you the arbiter of what is and is not a legitimate reason for owning a bloody doll? Your attitude amounts to "I don't like these, so I feel entitled to police other people's usage of them". Astounding.

Original poster
Hazel2323 · 18/05/2023 14:36

@SilentParrot sorry, I forgot no one's allowed to have an opinion different to anyone else on Mumsnet or have a discussion....sigh...

OP posts:
cocksstrideintheevening · 18/05/2023 14:36

I don't get it either but when my great granny was in a care home with dementia they were very popular with a lot of the residents. They had something to care for.

riotlady · 18/05/2023 14:37

You keep saying they need “psychological help” instead, as though anyone who has been through trauma just needs 8-10 sessions of counselling to be completely healed. A lot of “psychological help” is about finding ways to soothe yourself, to cope, to find outlets for your emotions. A doll might be fulfilling those needs for a lot of people.

TheFormidableMrsC · 18/05/2023 14:42

I agree they are creepy and just look corpse like to me. However, I know of a young woman who has learning difficulties and severe mental health issues who has had two children removed because of neglect. She pushes one round in a pram. She loved her babies but was simply not equipped to cope. I'd rather she put all her attention on one of those than a real baby. Like a pp said, I equate them with loss.

On a lighter note, I remember seeing a video of a woman who made them into monster babies or zombies. They were incredible works of art and absolutely not intended as toys. Somehow didn't seem as weird 🤷🏻‍♀️

SilentParrot · 18/05/2023 14:43

Hazel2323 · 18/05/2023 14:36

@SilentParrot sorry, I forgot no one's allowed to have an opinion different to anyone else on Mumsnet or have a discussion....sigh...

You can have your opinion.

And people can respond to your opinion.

Sigh.

But try and open your mind just little. You seem weirdly annoyed that just because you don't think you'd feel a certain way in situation X then no one else should either.

Original poster
Hazel2323 · 18/05/2023 14:44

@cocksstrideintheevening that's really nice that it helps residents in care homes.
Maybe it's the people on Facebook selling them or posting about them on tik tok that I find odd or in bad taste? Can't put my finger on what it is about them, it's weird.

OP posts:
SquashPenguin · 18/05/2023 14:49

Hazel2323 · 18/05/2023 14:23

@Kanaloa oh my, that is so strange!

I don't even understand the baby loss reason. If I lost a baby the last thing I would want is a doll?!

These people need psychological help. If my husband died and I wanted a life size doll to replace him people wouldn't be so accepting of it!

And the wasteful comment is because I'm quite eco conscious and these plastic dolls, abundance of clothes etc is unnecessary. That's my opinion.

Oh come on don’t be so nasty. You obviously haven’t lost a baby, so how can you honestly know how you’d react in that situation? It’s not for you or anyone else to judge how other deal with grief if it isn’t hurting anyone else. Don’t be narrow minded.

I dont understand why you need to be quite so vocal about these dolls? Just let people be.

LauraNicolaides · 18/05/2023 14:50

YABU, I don't understand people who like trainspotting or Love Island, but it's none of my business! It's their hobby, leave them be.

Laiste · 18/05/2023 14:51

krustykittens · 18/05/2023 14:29

I haven't lost a child or had fertility issues, but I do have chronic depression. I own one of these dolls and I find the weight of it in my arms soothes me when I am very low and weepy and brings me back to a happy time in my life. It's a small coping mechanism I use amongst others but I do enjoy it. Sometimes it is the only thing that helps me sleep.

OP you've completely ignored KrustyKitten who has (very graciously) tried to explain why they enjoy the doll.

AnwenDolly · 18/05/2023 14:53

They are not "creepy". They are dolls that cannot hurt or harm you. If you think they can, then it's you that has a problem.

I don't find them particularly appealing, but I don't see anything sinister in them either. As others have said, they are a source of comfort and joy to many people. Those people don't deserve judgment or contempt because you don't understand them.

LauraNicolaides · 18/05/2023 14:54

Can't put my finger on what it is about them, it's weird.

Whenever someone on Mumsnet cannot articulate why they don't like something, ("it just seems off" is the classic), it's usually down to some sort of unreasonable judgementalism, or worse!

Gagged · 18/05/2023 14:55

It's one of those modern-day things were we have to skirt around the real likelihood the person has mental health issues.

davegrohll · 18/05/2023 14:56

Op I think you should keep your opinions to yourself in this case, because you're being judgemental. As others have pointed out, usually the reason people have these dolls is trauma and loss. Don't be a bitch

RuthTopp · 18/05/2023 14:58

Years ago in my area a woman would take one out in a pram as you would a real baby.
There are dolls in care homes for people with dementia , which if brings comfort is no bad thing.

WhoWants2Know · 18/05/2023 14:59

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/05/2023 14:36

I don't get it either but when my great granny was in a care home with dementia they were very popular with a lot of the residents. They had something to care for.

Lots of people with dementia experience "Time Shifting", which means newer memories are lost and their mind moves back to a previous time in their lives. For women, that includes the time when they were a new mother as well as periods where they babysat, cared for relatives or younger siblings and also when they were a child with dolls of their own.

At the same time, parts of their brain are often also sending warning signals that something isn't right.

The combination of time shifting and the feeling that something is wrong can manifest itself as extreme panic because the woman can't find her baby.

Imagine how that feels. Not knowing where you are or what is happening and the only thing you're sure of is that you have to get to your baby. I've known people slip out of their homes and go walking in the night to find their child (Who is now usually 40 and married) or physically attack someone who they think is keeping them from their baby.

That's where a convincing doll is important. Because you can say "Everything is ok, your baby is here sleeping. Shall we make a cup of tea before he wakes up?"

Greensleeves · 18/05/2023 15:00

Gagged · 18/05/2023 14:55

It's one of those modern-day things were we have to skirt around the real likelihood the person has mental health issues.

Nobody is skirting around it at all Confused

It's well known (and repeatedly acknowledged on this thread) that they are used therapeutically by people who suffer infertility, baby loss, dementia and MH problems including depression. The issue here is that OP, having had these things patiently explained to her, doesn't think anyone should own a reborn doll, because SHE doesn't like them.

I can never understand what makes a person wake up one morning and think "I know, I'll go on MN and shit on a group of vulnerable, suffering people who are doing no harm". Bizarre.

WhoWants2Know · 18/05/2023 15:03

Realistic dolls are also used in television and films to avoid using actual infants.

And for some people, they are just impressed with the realism and keep them as a hobby.

Lots of reasons.

davegrohll · 18/05/2023 15:04

@WhoWants2Know That sounds truly awful. Awful disease

Yerroblemom1923 · 18/05/2023 15:15

Not my bag. Grim AF. But it seems there's a place for them so live and let live, I say.

powerrangers · 18/05/2023 15:19

Yeah I think they are weird. I also think butt plugs, dressing up as furries and people who eat a 100% carnivore diet are weird. But so what. Not my life. Not my choices to make. If it's not illegal and everyone is consenting then rock on.

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 18/05/2023 15:25

Hazel2323 · 18/05/2023 14:23

@Kanaloa oh my, that is so strange!

I don't even understand the baby loss reason. If I lost a baby the last thing I would want is a doll?!

These people need psychological help. If my husband died and I wanted a life size doll to replace him people wouldn't be so accepting of it!

And the wasteful comment is because I'm quite eco conscious and these plastic dolls, abundance of clothes etc is unnecessary. That's my opinion.

I don’t think you should presume to know what you bring you comfort after the loss of a baby. I’m grateful not to have been in that position, but I’ve friends who have and from the outside it looks like agony, they do what they can to get themselves through.

Comments about baby clothes etc, really, what harm does it do you? I’m big on the environment, but I’m not about to lambast or judge people dealing with severe emotional trauma.