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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister committing benefit fraud

111 replies

ellie09 · 16/05/2023 19:53

I have a sister who has been with a guy now for a year. The relationship progressed quickly and he was moved in within weeks. She had a 3 year old from a previous relationship and became pregnant within 3 months and just gave birth.

He is living with them permanently and had a full time, stable job making around 30k a year.

My issue is that she is still claiming benefits as a single parent.

I work full time on 35k a year with a child on my own, having to pay full childcare and other things while my tax money is finding their living.

They don't live outrageously, but they have a much better standard of living than me. She's bragging that he is saving most of his wages in his savings. They live in a housing executive flat which is fully paid for with her benefit so he isn't paying any rent etc.

The two of them plead poverty, constantly asking me or my mum for a lend of money etc yet neither of them drive and he works from home.

I honestly wish they would get reported, and at times as a tax payer, feel like doing it myself.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Ilovetea42 · 16/05/2023 20:03

I mean, no it's not great but if she's moved him in after dating for only a few weeks and she has two children to think of I can see why she wouldn't want him to have an equal claim to her children's home. I personally wouldn't be reporting them purely out of consideration for your neice(s)/nephew. Its obviously unethical what they're doing but I don't see how leaving her with a huge bill to repay would benefit those kids in any way. I would question how healthy the relationship is if he's moved in that fast and if it's not a great relationship then I wouldn't be fighting for his name on a tenancy which could end up leaving her and her kids homeless and him with cheap rent and a house in his name. I certainly wouldn't be loaning her any money though unless you think he's financially exploiting her and keeping his wage for himself and her to pay for everything. If he's putting all his money in his own savings then she might be tight and not able to access it.

Goodread1 · 16/05/2023 20:03

I think you know the answer @ellie09 ,

You can report anonymously, ( aslong as you have got all the relvant correct facts infor , to inform tell, relevant social security dept agency,
There must be a social security benefit Fraud Tel no hot line,
I am just wondering if there is a specific uk Gov website also about this type of thing..

Butchyrestingface · 16/05/2023 20:07

I honestly wish they would get reported, and at times as a tax payer, feel like doing it myself.

By all means her to fuck off asking you for money and try to encourage your mother to do the same.

But if she's bragging as hard as you say, someone ELSE will eventually report her. Just don't let it be you.

Brieandme · 16/05/2023 20:08

Op your tax money isn't paying for their living. So if that is your main motivation, leave it alone. You would have to earn treble what you earn to be a net contributor (put in more than you take out - schooling and state pension)

If you're concerned about your sister id be encouraging her to declare. DWP have complex data sharing systems to link people to the same address. It's likely she'll be caught out at some point and will owe the lot back, along with risking a prison sentence.

DeeperMeaning · 16/05/2023 20:10

I don’t understand how this will help your niblings at all. There are already big problems for them. Agree with pp about the red flags of your sister’s relationship not only because it has happened too quickly but also because she’s with someone who is dishonest. What do your parents think?

Wowzerdowzer · 16/05/2023 20:12
  1. You are not 'funding' them by paying tax.
  2. THAT IS YOUR SISTER

ffs

UpaladderwatchingTV · 16/05/2023 20:20

Just do it OP! I'm sick of reading stories about people making false claims. You know what she and her DP are doing is wrong, so stand up and be counted. If only more people in this country were honest, including members of the government, we wouldn't be in half the shit we're in now, but it seems that as long as you can get away with it, the vast majority are prepared to sit back and let you get on with it. IT IS FRAUD! Alternatively, if you don't want to report her, then tell her to her face, that she's committing fraud and if she doesn't stop, you will report her, at least that way you're giving her the chance to do the right thing.

Goodread1 · 16/05/2023 20:22

@ellie09

The thing is, social security agency will take this into account personal financial circumstances, and your sister would have to pay back a reasonable amount,
(taking automatically taking out of benefit allowance),
So she wouldn't be struggling money wise financially,
so she would have to pay minimum amount each month, over a period of time, until its all paid back to social security,

I know about this, as a ex partners friend, didn't inform social security, straight away, her personal circumstances had now changed,( she was living with him, at the time,
but still had her rental house , council were still paying the rent,

Also in the past I got into Arears debts with water rates and the council tax , because of mixture of severe mental health issue of depression, dyscallica (maths numbers blindness learning difficulty, plus I did a low income job, which cause of the way of that particular job, payment system, a combination of each date of month I was paid, changed, so (couldn't pay obviously by direct debits, plus every so often, the payment aspect section of my former work, they would be extremely slow, so it looked like, two payments in one, instead of two,
so immediately, Social security would drop my universal credit benefit, which was a pain in the arse ect.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/05/2023 20:23

How is she bragging about having loads of money yet asking to borrow it ConfusedConfusedConfused

gazpachosoupday · 16/05/2023 20:26

TBH

I would be more worried, that he is going to fuck off into the sunset with a shit ton of savings and she is going to be left paying back a massive amount of benefit arrears trying to raise two kids

Kangarude · 16/05/2023 20:29

LaurieFairyCake · 16/05/2023 20:23

How is she bragging about having loads of money yet asking to borrow it ConfusedConfusedConfused

I was going to ask the same thing Hmm

MakesMeFeelSad · 16/05/2023 20:31

Sounds more like he's financially abusing her, if he's saving all his wages then her benefits must be paying all the living expenses and she's asking you and your mum for money

If he fucks off she won't be getting any of his savings

Casilero · 16/05/2023 20:32

So HE'S saving HIS money and your sister is the one committing benefit fraud and taking all the risks. Not daft is he?

peachespeachespeaches · 16/05/2023 20:36

I'd probably look after my sister considering she's in a relationship with a prick who will up and leave with all his savings at some stage.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/05/2023 20:47

What happens to her kids if she ends up in jail and please don't come out with the old "That's not my problem" chestnut. They are after all your niblings. How will you feel when they're sobbing for their mother.
If you think her life is such a birdsong then give up your job and go on benefits.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/05/2023 20:48

Also she may not be doing it for greed it could be for survival

Babyroobs · 16/05/2023 20:49

The longer it goes on the worse it will be for her when she gets caught ( which she will do).

Daisypain · 16/05/2023 20:51

Tell her to stop asking you for money

Tell her you think she’s at risk of being done for fraud.

So not report her. You might be cross with her and even feel hard done by but why on earth would you want your own sister to be in trouble with the law and at potential great cost to her and her kids?

PollyAmour · 16/05/2023 20:52

He's taking her for a mug, saving all his earnings while she claims benefits. It's her that will be prosecuted for fraud, not him. He'll walk away with a healthy bank balance and she'll have a criminal record for fraud, and two children to care for.

whumpthereitis · 16/05/2023 20:52

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/05/2023 20:47

What happens to her kids if she ends up in jail and please don't come out with the old "That's not my problem" chestnut. They are after all your niblings. How will you feel when they're sobbing for their mother.
If you think her life is such a birdsong then give up your job and go on benefits.

Don’t point out a basic truth, you mean?

if the sister ends up in jail, which is unlikely, it would be as a direct result of her own actions.

Confusion101 · 16/05/2023 20:56

I voted YABU for a few reasons.

She is still claiming benefits as a single parent. I work full time on 35k a year with a child on my own, having to pay full childcare and other things. If you reported her you would not be any more financially well off, in fact you would prob be less well off because she will be asking to borrow more money.

Constantly asking me or my mum for a lend of money you need to nip this in the bud. Stop giving if you do and tell them to stop asking.

he is saving most of his wages in his savings. You should probably advise your sister to get access to this account. It's a relatively new relationship. If he clips it with all these savings she's fucked.

YANBU to feel annoyed they they are claiming benefits fraudulently. It's so difficult watching people get away with it when others are struggling. But I don't think you should do anything about it in this case.

Antisocialfluffmonster · 16/05/2023 21:31

Brieandme · 16/05/2023 20:08

Op your tax money isn't paying for their living. So if that is your main motivation, leave it alone. You would have to earn treble what you earn to be a net contributor (put in more than you take out - schooling and state pension)

If you're concerned about your sister id be encouraging her to declare. DWP have complex data sharing systems to link people to the same address. It's likely she'll be caught out at some point and will owe the lot back, along with risking a prison sentence.

This!!!

I don’t think people understand that most people are not net contributors and are not paying for anyone else’s lifestyle aside from MPs

Wowzerdowzer · 16/05/2023 21:59

And..... if he's saving all of his money.
Then how is she committing benefit fraud ?? She is not financially better off with him there if he's saving all of his wages?! She's living off her benefits?! And struggling at that.

Saucemonkey · 16/05/2023 22:05

Report anonymously. You’ll be doing her a favour. Eventually she will get found out and the longer it goes on for the more she will have to pay back. Better now than when he leaves her in the lurch and she has to pay it all back . And they do find out! I have known a few people who have been caught , gone to court and then had to pay it all back over a series of years.

lilacbunny · 16/05/2023 22:07

He's saving money and she's spending all her money on their life.

And you want to report her? Make her life harder.

Why not be a supportive sister and help your sister see this man is taking her for a ride living in her place letting her pay for everything while he saves up his money in his bank account.

It's your fucking sister.

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