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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this acceptable? Should I ring child services?

87 replies

JasonMomoasnextgirlfriend · 14/05/2023 20:45

I’ve just found out that next weekend when he has our kids that my ex is planning on paying my 14 year old son to babysit his 11 year old sister whilst he buggers off to participate in a pole dancing competition (of all things)! I’m furious but I don’t know about whether other people would find this acceptable, or whether this is classed as neglect? Can anyone help?

OP posts:
AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 14/05/2023 21:54

Think your problem is more where Ex is going and wanting to try and stop him seeing kids tbh

14 and 11 for a few hours are fine

RenegadeKeeblerElf · 14/05/2023 21:55

A few hours in the day, absolutely no problem. Overnight or past bedtime if they aren't used to it, then no.

ICMB · 14/05/2023 21:56

If it’s not for days then it sounds fine. My brother and I were home alone often at 11 and 12.

ZEWatson · 14/05/2023 22:00

Is this serious? 🤣 Most 11 year olds would stay at home for a few hours alone surely? Before parents get home from work? At 14 I was babysitting babies and toddlers.
As long as it's not overnight I wouldn't bat an eyelid.
Does the 11 year old have special needs? If not they are old enough to keep themselves safe and occupied for a few hours.

purpleme12 · 14/05/2023 22:00

I can't see the problem with this?

universityhelp · 14/05/2023 22:01

As others have said it completely depends on the child, it could be that there are additional needs which haven't been mentioned.
However, on the surface, if they are siblings, then I would expect them to be used to spending time on their own anyway, and the 14 year old not to be paid as the 11 year old shouldn't need looking after particularly.
It shouldn't matter why the ex is going out for the evening.

HoppingPavlova · 14/05/2023 22:03

Unless there is SEN involved which would prohibit this, or it is actually overnight you are being ridiculous. Kids stay alone after school at that age. 14yo’s stay at home full days in school vacation while parents are at work. At 14yo, one of mine would babysit younger school age children while their parents worked during vacations.

I can’t believe anyone would take such a complaint seriously.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 14/05/2023 22:06

I babysat at 14 but I’d not let my boy do it at that age (even though he is absolutely capable) because they often fight. So without knowing their relationship who can tell.

Sarahtm35 · 14/05/2023 22:17

They’re 14 and 11. Both are perfectly old enough to take care of themselves. I used to muck out horses at 9 for money. At 11 and 14 they should be able to cook and feed themselves and know what to do in an emergency. If they don’t then perhaps you should teach them as it’s a parents job to raise them to be functioning adults and you only have a few years left to do that at their age!

CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 22:19

Waiting for the drip feed that one of the children has significant SEN

Myusername4321 · 14/05/2023 22:19

This is a joke?
I think social services have more important things to deal with than a 14 year old and 11 year old staying home alone for an evening!

Anonymouseposter · 14/05/2023 22:20

A few hours wouldn't be a problem. Overnight would be unacceptable. I would only be concerned if they are inclined to argue and fight.
If he thinks it's okay I don't think Social services would be at all interested.

Otterock · 14/05/2023 22:27

I babysat for 2 primary school age kids a few times when I was 13. They lived next to m my secondary school so I used to get a lie in before school, loved it. Depends entirely on the set up but I don’t really see the issue

dizzydizzydizzy · 14/05/2023 22:30

I can't see the point of them going to stay with a parent who then goes out.

Doyoumind · 14/05/2023 22:31

Unless he's away overnight I've no idea why you've got an issue with this.

Bbq1 · 14/05/2023 22:32

I babysat a lot at 14 - toddlers, babies, twins, 3 children in one family. Often until 12 or later.no problem. I was mature and could deal with any issues.

Inn this instance, It depends on whether or not we are going to get a huge drip feed from Op here though... If it suddenly transpires that dad is leaving them from Friday evening until Monday morning then that's different.

MajesticWhine · 14/05/2023 22:37

I think it's fine, provided it isn't overnight.
I am guessing there is a bit of a back story here.

Ourladycheesusedatum · 14/05/2023 22:37

webster1987 · 14/05/2023 20:49

First things first...ample dancing competition?!

Brilliant auto cucumber.

That's me that is 'ample' dancing I did me some of that yesterday at a wedding.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/05/2023 22:39

Sounds alright to me.

TeenLifeMum · 14/05/2023 22:50

Most 14 year olds can babysit - my Dd is now 15 but she’s babysat her two sisters since she was 14 and they were 10(twins). Totally depends on the dc but not neglect. You’re being ott here.

YouWonJayne · 14/05/2023 22:51

I think children’s services have better things to do than worry about a 14yo looking after their 11yo sister.

FuchsAndMöhr · 14/05/2023 22:52

You’re taking the piss right?!

ChairFloorWall · 14/05/2023 22:52

And why exactly are you so furious? Get a grip ffs

NectarCard · 14/05/2023 23:01

Pole comps go on late imo. I personally wouldn’t want a 14 yo babysitting but I’d be more concerned how late the comp goes, they are notorious for dragging out depending on the organisers.

NectarCard · 14/05/2023 23:02

But, social work give a shit and you’re barmy to think so