to write a manual for my mother-in-law...

[wolfear]

to follow when she looks after DS when I return to work next week? Not so much a manual but a list of dos and don'ts. I'm pretty anxious about the whole going back to work and leaving him thing.

My MIL asked for instructions when we left ds1 with her - he was pfb for us and pfgc for them - so I wrote out the pattern of his day and presented it as a way to have a nice time with him. So it was "here you are - this is what he does at home most days and we've worked out that sleeping and eating at vaguely the right times means you have a happy smiler at the end of the day and not a screaming monster". She was happy to follow it, even though it was different from her way of doing things (I even left expressed breast milk with her to defrost, bless her). And then I shut up - I didn't need to say any "oh and he likes this, blah blah" because what I felt was really important was down on paper and for everything else I trusted her completely to keep ds1 safe and happy. All the instructions in the world are not going to help if you don't trust her.

DS hasnt been well took him to the doctor etc and his dad was due to have him for the weekend, knowing what his memory is like and that id have loads of texts asking what ds needs etc. I told ex bout everything packed inhalers and suffle babe and wrote everything down how often they were 2 be taken etc and when the were next due. I left it at that ex appreciated it as he knew he had the information he needed. I dont give intructions etc at any other time just if hes ill so his dad knows whats happening and what he needs to be given/have done.

Yuo should do it, but in a very tactful way I reckon, just write out his feeding and nap times, bed-time routine, what to give him for teething; that sort of helpful stuff and steer well clear of dos and don'ts!
You are incredibly lucky she is prepared to mind him for you, she must be a wonderful person, and don't forget she raised you're DH so she probably knows what she's doing

Sorry I sound really lecturing there
I do think you're very lucky to have her though

When I started inching back into work when DD was six months old I was very anxious. My MIL and my dad volunteered to spend a few hours each week looking after her in the couple of months before I got her settled into nursery. I wrote what I called a 'How To Manual' with an outline of her routine - how much milk and when, what food and when, how to settle her and when etc. I trusted them with her and didn't feel the need to point out basic health and safety stuff, but because I know her best and she and I had developed a good routine together that she was happy with, I didn't consider these things to be variables. Both of them found it useful. Looking back at my printed Word document it does look a tiny bit anal, but at the time it was what we all needed.
When DD first spent a night/the weekend with both sets of GPs I did something similar - they roughly knew how we did things but again, they found it useful to have a guideline as to what she was familiar with.

when dh and I left dd1 with mil for first time dh did a 3 page printed list of her routine, her likes and dislikes now we just run for the door

it is hard to leave your dc in someone elses care even when you trust them implicitly (sp)so anything that makes leaving them easier for you do it tactfully of course

Thanks for all your thoughts an experiences. It's made very interesting reading. I actually called MIL and asked what she'd like me to write down for her. She asked for his routine, i.e. nap and feeding times, how much to feed him etc, what helps him when he's distressed and 'anything else you think I should know.' So, turns out she's pro-list. At the end of the day this is new for both of us and I think that if our anxieties can be allayed with a simple list , or whatever you want to call it, it's gotta be a good thing. Yay the list!

That's great to hear Wolf. I'm glad you've talked to her and sorted it out so that you're both going to be happy when you go back to work!

great- glad to hear it's all worked out

yay the list indeed - good for you