to write a manual for my mother-in-law...

[wolfear]

to follow when she looks after DS when I return to work next week? Not so much a manual but a list of dos and don'ts. I'm pretty anxious about the whole going back to work and leaving him thing.

I approached a similar situation by writing the "manual" in a jokey way...I wrote out the routine and called it "A beginner's guide to DS" and put in lots of exclamation marks (made it less serious somehow.)
I've done different versions over the years (boys now 5&6) and have kept every one. It's a lovely keepsake (you soon forget the details. Maybe you could ask her to keep hold of it for you?) I think if you approach the whole situation with humour and enthusiasm...it could prove infectious! Good Luck.

LOL MV my mum used to do that!

If you employ a childminder you wouldn't necessarily be able to dictate mealtimes or sleeptimes as she would need to schedule it around the routine of the other children in her care, too. Mine looked after 3 children under school age and several older children. She did playschool and school runs (great for dd and ds who got lots of walks), so it was pretty obvious that I couldn't lay down the law about when she had to stop everything to feed dd or ds.

So I wouldn't be too fussy about this with MIL either; make sure that the rules you give her on these things are more like guidelines, 'to help her'. But if she wants to change things slightly to fit in with her routine, it is unlikely to do your ds much harm.

On the other hand, a CM would observed basic safety rules, such as the harness, so it's just about finding a firm but tactful way of telling your MIL that you expect this from her too.

Can you pull out the really really important stuff and emphasise them and leave the lesser details to her? Can you say "I know you did things differently but these particularly issues are really important to me".

She is a grandmother and will not really like being told how to look after a baby IMO. Which is not to say she's right (MIL history here). An acknowledgement that you are well aware she may have her own views but on some things you will stand absolutely firm may make things easier, do you think?

MV - I'm sure the world didn't come to an end!
I think she was more concerned about the coat, as he was overheated - it is not good for very young babies to become overheated, and he was only about 3 months old at the time.

Fairly minor I guess, LittleBella. I'm really glad I asked you lot as it's made me realise maybe I'm being too controlling. She might piss me off on occassion but she adores him and I know she'll do her best for him. I think I do need to let go. Maybe just a li' daily schedule instead??

I give an "instruction manual" to my parents when they look after DD. They are happy to know what she likes to eat and when she generally gets hungry/thirsty/tired and I keep it purposely a little vauge to allow them flexibility to do fun things with her. If it's a thing about keeping your DH in a routine, then I would be bit more relaxed. If it's things like not using a car seat (have seen this on MN recently ) then I would move heaven and earth to find another alterative.

Sorry should have clarified a bit more - friend had walked up to MILs on a very cold day so ds was very warmly wrapped up, but he stayed wrapped up in all his outer wear in a very warm house. Not good practice for such a young baby.

If I am ever blessed to the role of grandmotherdom, and my DIL were to ever give me a list of instructions, I'm afraid I would roll it, and stick it where the sun don't shine.

I assume she's providing this invaluable service for free?

My mum used to look after my DD for two days a week. I used to have a list written out, but it was more her routine, than do's and don'ts, but I saw her a lot through my maternity leave so I felt confident she knew the way I was trying to raise her, and what elements of her day were important to me, and which I was more flexible about. I think it's ALL in the way you say it. If you DC has particular toys or songs he likes, then you can tell MIL in a way that will make it seem like you are trying to make sure MIL has the most fun with her Grandson.

It's also fair enough to tell meal times and sleep times, if your baby is on a routine and that it's important to you - BUT, you have to make exceptions sometimes, especially if MIL wants to do a special day out. It's very different having a grandparent to childcare to a paid childminder or nanny - they are family and aren't being payed (presumably), and have their own relationship with your DC to develop as they see fit.

Do you have specific concerns over the way she might care for your DS? Have scanned post but can't see any examples of the kind of thing you would write. I think I remember putting something like "can you leave her to settle herself for 10 minutes at nap time before giving her a dummy, and please don't get her out of her cot and cuddle her, but stoking and patting is fine" . But then, I KNEW my mum wouldn't mind, and was glad of the refresher course and to be advised of changes in received wisdom on caring for babies since her day....she even bought her own copy of the Baby Whisperer - bless

oh dear. I always gave mil instructions when I left dcs with her if we went away overnight. I think I even typed them. eek!

But I'm sure I said something like 'Here's the way I do it but you change it to suit you.' Is that ok?

I did it because I didn't want to be hell for her if she didn't put dc's for a nap at certain time and was left with grouchy infants that wouldn't eat dinner etc.

PAID!!! - Doh!

Yes, it's a freebie. If you knew my MIL you'd see she tries but she'd not exactly a 'natural' around babies. She even ackowledges this. For example, if he's crying she'd try calming him by screaming Old MacDonald at him while bouncing him manically.

Also...if someone gave me their baby now to look after I would definitely need instructions. My method of babyrearing was to bf if they opened their gob and clear the resulting mess from other end. Not sure it would work if minding someone elses. I don't think I'd have a clue.

Oh, quickdraw - that's absolutely fine! I also used to say, at the end of the day, I totally trust you and as long as DD is one piece when I get home, and happy, then so am I.

Wolfear - I reckon she will welcome some help if put across in the right way. Could you possible do it not as a list, but write some things down and invite her over to talk them through with her, e.g. if baby is agitated, er, best not to agitate them!!! . It's a very generational think - my DC's great nana (spritely 84 yr old that she is) will just bounce for Wales, regardless of mood of child, or how recently they have been fed....and given both mine were champion refluxers, she always kind of got hers......

Lol Sycamore. Spot on about the generational thing. She's of the 'leave them down the bottom of the garden in winter' set. I think some notes about what he does each day and what he responds to best will do and we'll see how it pans out. I'm hoping my numbers will come up in the lottery on Saturday the I won't have to bother.

Message withdrawn

No shit MinkVelvet. It doesn't do much to calm them though.