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Original poster

Blamed for something at work that's not my fault

295 replies

kangaroopelicanartic · 14/05/2023 15:18

I work in a private house as a housekeeper to an older couple. They have no young children but have grandchildren who visit very often. The oldest is 8, the youngest 18mo. I work Mon-Fri and have worked for the family for nearly four years.

Last Wed when I went in, I noticed a bottle of bleach in the cupboard under the sink in the utility room that didn't have a cap. I put it on the shelf on the wall where the kids can't reach it and told the lady I'd moved it because I didn't think it was safe to have an open bottle of bleach where the children could reach it. I moved it again on Thur and Fri and again said why to both of them.

I've just had an angry phone call because the littlest grand child found the bleach and tipped it all over herself. She's not hurt (thank god!!!) but it has ruined her clothes along with her mum's.

The family want me to pay to replace them. Both of them are denying that I'd warned them about the bottle and moved it out of reach multiple times. They're Boden clothes and there's no way I can afford to replace them. No one is believing me when I said I'd moved the bleach multiple times. The husband actually said "we know it's your fault so just stop lying."

I'm absolutely devastated because it's always been a good place to work and in general I really like the family. Now i feel like I can't stay because the trust is broken. I just don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 14/05/2023 20:30

MyStarBoy · 14/05/2023 20:21

Go in tomorrow.
Get your stuff and go home.
Get another job, because let's face it, this ones over and they won't be paying you at the end of the week!!

Yes this. And hand them a letter telling them why you’re leaving.

Righthandman · 14/05/2023 20:30

@kangaroopelicanartic I'm so sorry that happened to you. I saw the dementia suggestion earlier and you say the couple are too young and active. I just wanted to post because I had a similar situation once - with a younger, active woman - where the situation was eventually explained by the fact that she had actually been really struggling with her memory and was too embarrassed and scared to admit to anyone that was the problem. If true in your case, that might explain why she kept putting it back in the lower cupboard, and why the lost cap wasn't bothering her. Of course, that idea probably doesn't materially change things but it maybe helps you feel better to know its a possibility if you've had a good relationship up til now. She may be genuinely unable to account for how the bottle got there leaving your presumed involvement as the only possibility she can think of.

I hope it goes well collecting your things tomorrow. I might be inclined to make one more attempt at setting out your side of the story - in writing - and say if they cannot accept your version you will sadly have to hand in your notice. It seems unlikely you will get the chance but you could query the memory issue. If it is the problem it would be safer and healthier for them to face it.

Emotionalsupportviper · 14/05/2023 20:32

Motnight · 14/05/2023 15:23

That is horrible. Stand your ground, and look for another job.

This.

Whether you pay for the clothes or not, as you say, the trust is lost and your relationship with your employers is forever tainted.

How on earth did the child manage to get hold of it? No-one must have been watching her - she must have climbed up to get it, but why was no-one watching a child of 18 months? They have other children, so they must have known what mischief little ones can get up to when you take your eyes off them even for a second.

Throw his ball back at them. This wasn't your fault.

I suspect that they've had a hell of a shock and need someone to take it out on - but it shouldn't be you.

This is an awful thing to happen to you - I'm so sorry.

Dymaxion · 14/05/2023 20:41

I am not sure I would return to the property for my things, how much do you love or need that coat or boots ? The only reason I say this is because I wouldn't be suprised if they doubled down and accused you of theft if you went to collect your belongings.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 14/05/2023 20:46

Please dont go by yourself tomorrow. Take someone to witness what is happening, get your things, hand them a resignation letter and go. It sucks not to have a reference, but there is such a shortage of people to do the sort of work you do, you will be fine I think. Its bad enough they were irresponsible enough to move the bleach (and lose the cap in the first place) but what the husband said is absolutely outrageous. They are going to screw you over, keep things with them as short as possible and give them the least amount to respond to possible.

Emotionalsupportviper · 14/05/2023 20:48

YouOKHun · 14/05/2023 16:43

If you really need the money, you could work for them, but ask them to pay you in advance. Do you have a notice period? They should give you notice

I’d sever the relationship regardless because they will do this again and they may try to withhold money to pay for the clothes.

I would go to retrieve your items and not be drawn into a conversation about the blame or paying for the clothes. Be formal and polite. Just say you have understood what they’ve said and you are thinking about it if you have to say anything at all. Once you have your possessions I would then email and/or send a “signed for” letter (so you know they’ve got it) and in that letter detail very precisely what happened, time, day, who you told the first time, time and date when you found the bottle again, what you said, what they said and why you moved it. Strongly refute the allegations and state that because you have been falsely accused you cannot continue to work for them and do not wish to work in an environment where your best endeavours to keep people safe is overridden.

I know it seems like overkill but I’d want a record of them having received my strong, detailed and precise correction of events. standing your ground and being detailed and precise may help someone’s recollections and shows you mean business. A friend of mine, a barrister, said to me that whenever you are refuting something as untrue giving detailed, precise blow by blow recounting of what happened including what you said and what they said, where you were etc etc, always has the ring of truth when others are shouting you down and flinging accusations around. I think it’s good advice.

go to retrieve your items and not be drawn into a conversation about the blame or paying for the clothes. Be formal and polite. Just say you have understood what they’ve said and you are thinking about it if you have to say anything at all.

This - do not get drawn into an argument, or even a conversation, about what has happened, Get your things and leave immediately. Take someone with you if you can, but bear in mind they may not let anyone else into their home.
If they refuse to let you in to collect your things, sue them for the value through the small claims court.

froggybiby · 14/05/2023 20:55

To me it looks like a set up...do you think they were trying to get rid of you? Have you seen a picture of the damaged clothes?

Hopelesscynic · 14/05/2023 21:07

Irridescantshimmmer · 14/05/2023 17:16

You say you always moved the bleach out of reach of the child, so it looks like someone was moving the bleach to where the child could reach it again.

If this is correct then they are making a fraudulant accusation, because you always moved the bleach to the top shelf, out of reach of the child, like you claim to have done.

I suspect that they are trying to pull a fast one and demand money from you.

If they do, then threaten them with legal action ( even if you don't plan to take out legal action) sometimes, this is enough to make these two money grabbing so and so's, back away from you.

Without proof, these two don't have a leg to stand on.

I strongly advise you to move on and clean for someone else.

I agree with this and it really sounds like it was a set up. They either wanted you gone or wanted to get money off you.
You say they have no dementia or similar issues, you told then and moved the bottle 3 times and someone kept putting it back. That rings all kinds of alarms. I'm sorry to say OP but your employer is most likely trying to frame you. They are even lying to your face about not remembering, how brazen!!
I also find it suspicious that the child was left unattended just in time and place to reach that bottle (which wasn't recapped, thrown out or kept where you put it for safety). Suspucious that the child allegedly spilled it but only just enough to ruin their clothes, nothing on skin? And if mum's clothes were also ruined then mum must have been there too... Crazy story, don't give in to anything and do stand your ground firmly OP.

Moveoverdarlin · 14/05/2023 21:13

I would get everything across in writing in an email tonight. I would text them and say ‘I’ve sent you an email, can you read it and come back to me tonight please?

Dear Mr and Mrs XXXX

Further to our discussions last week, I just want to put my point across in writing. I moved the bleach several times last week, and every time I did, I informed you both, both on the Tuesday and Wednesday. I was so worried about the grandchildren getting hold of it, I kept putting it out of reach on the shelf. Someone kept moving it back. NOT ME! It’s really upset me that I am being blamed for this. I literally tried to prevent this from happening.

Therefore I will not be reimbursing you for the damaged clothes. If you are insisting on this, I have no choice but to give you my notice with immediate effect. This is an incredible shame, as I have thoroughly enjoyed working for your family.

Please let me know your thoughts and whether you want me to come in at the normal time tomorrow. If not, let me know a suitable time to come and collect my belongings.

Like I said, I have enjoyed my time at XXXX farm, and it’s such a shame things have come to this, but I have to defend myself when I’m entirely blameless.

Let me know

whynotwhatknot · 14/05/2023 21:24

They know theyre to blame but trying to make you take the fall-possibly the parents kicked off so they didnt want to admit it

dont work for them anymore

YourFault · 14/05/2023 21:26

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WhyarentIloggedin · 14/05/2023 21:33

They are nasty people. Act like your friend until they need a scapegoat then turn on you and try to gaslight you. Get another job and have very firm boundaries - with people like this, however friendly they may seem, the hard truth is you are utterly replaceable to them. Don't ever get sucked into feeling that you are somehow inferior because they have lots of money. If they refuse to pay you off to the small claims court you go

MaccyD100 · 14/05/2023 21:39

I also think it was a set up, it just sounds too contrived. No one loses the lid to a bottle of bleach and then just leaves it in easy reach, it's a huge hazard. And they moved it back 3 times! Also if the mother's clothes were also ruined then she must have been with the child when it happened. Why didn't she stop it?

MaccyD100 · 14/05/2023 21:43

Also I'm pretty certain that if a young toddler tipped a bottle of bleach down themselves they absolutely would be hurt.

Houseofpainjumparound · 14/05/2023 21:47

I noticed a few people have said my exact thought.... its very convenient that there was an almost full bottle of bleach (so new bottle) that was missing its lid which kept being put back into reachable position and then the day you are not working the 18 month old goes into the utility on their own and pours the bleach over themselves and then somehow the mum gets bleach on her clothes too.....

Either for some reason they have wanted to fire you and this was a set up or the responsible adults feel so guilty they are placing blame on the hired help expecially as you mentioned the open bottle on several occasions prior

Dymaxion · 14/05/2023 21:53

Entirely your fault, you should replace them. Like my name suggests….

Well @kangaroopelicanartic is going to replace her employers which is far more sensible than replacing clothing the employers were responsible for damaging Smile

AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 21:59

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Explain ?

Op moved beech to a safe place 3 times .

The employer put it back despite no cap on the bottle then allowed their granddaughter access to it .

In what alternative reality is this the ops fault ?

AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:03

Oh and I'd make it quite
Clear that a social services referral would be going in . Your employer is negligent. They cannot kept their grandchildren safe .

Stick the boot back on the other foot . Make it their issue . They'll back down b fire you can say "stick your job up your arse "

Twobyfour · 14/05/2023 22:08

Oh and tell the gossips in the village!

EpicChaos · 14/05/2023 22:11

It seems to me and imo, they seem a bit lax, to say the least where H&S is concerned. You say it is a large working farm, presumably then, there will be a lot of chemicals around, one way, or another and a few farmhands? Perhaps your employers could do with a visit from the health and safety executive, to see if there are any areas that improvement are needed.
If they are prepared to leave bleach, in an unsafe manner where there are children, what else have they been a bit lax with?
Also, just because you're an adult, i'd posit that you should still expect to not to have to deal with chemicals that have been stored incorrectly and unsafely.

As others have said, if you go to retrieve your belongings, take someone with you and have them record the visit. Don't enter into any discussion, just grab your gear and leave. If no one can go with, record the visit yourself.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/05/2023 22:22

They can claim for new clothes on the insurance.

But they won't, because if they're honest about what happened, that's an admission of their neglect.

I was also going to say Social Services. Once you've got your stuff and given them the envelope as mentioned above (that they'll think contains money but is actually your resignation and confirmation that they were to blame), tell them that you are going to report them to SS, as this was clearly a child death waiting to happen, owing to householder negligence.

They will likely splutter about this, as they're probably prejudiced and see SS as for people on benefits and not for 'decent' wealthy people like them - even though people from any social class can just as easily be neglectful. But deep down, they will be petrified.

Even if you had repeatedly moved their bleach back to the dangerous cupboard (which you obviously did not), they must know that SS would not blame a housekeeper for not supervising children properly. Just like a car could whizz along your road, but your toddler would still not be at risk, because YOU would supervise and keep them out of harm's way at all times.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/05/2023 22:28

It's very interesting that, if they did genuinely believe that you had endangered their baby GD, they would apparently have been quite happy to let it go if you gave these (already very rich people) some money. Why would they not be insisting on firing you because you had (in their fantasies) put the small child at serious risk? If it did come to Social Services and they wanted to speak to you, I would make this point clear to them.

That's as dodgy as these nasty email scams pretending to come from the Metropolitan Police, claiming that they have proof of your committing unspeakably serious crimes against children, but stating that, if you just send them a £500 'fine', they'll be more than happy to overlook it.

WoollyRosebud · 14/05/2023 22:35

If you are going to go and collect your possessions tomorrow and give your notice with immediate effect presumably you have a key to return. Have a typed up receipt for them to sign to say you have returned the key and anything else you might have of theirs. Will save a lot of potential argument for the future.

JimiChoux · 15/05/2023 07:39

I'm sorry this has happened to you. You have done nothing wrong, this is on the grandparents.

Twobyfour · 15/05/2023 10:10

In some rural communities the families farming those big farms with local people relying on them for their livelihoods are the “billy big boys” of the area. I can think of a few farmers that have a local reputation for not playing fair whether it’s getting away with discharging farm effluent into water courses or treating farm workers badly (demanding someone who had been recovering from a broken back lug heavy sacks up a ladder on their first day back at work to make them resign). Unfortunately this farming family sounds like one of this type.