Neighbour telling DC to ignore my child

[Bluebirds1987]

Ok, not entirely ghosting, but my neighbour's DC told me she'd heard my DC shouting for her to see if she was playing out earlier, and that she really wanted to play but her mummy told her not to answer.
My DC had heard the other child in their back garden and was calling their name over the fence to see if she wanted to play out.

Am I being unreasonable to think that surely it's fine to just say they can't / don't want to play out right now, but to tell them to just ignore them is really mean? DC was sad and obviously as neighbours can probably hear over the garden I just said oh, they probably can't hear you or can't play out right now, rather than trying to second guess why else they wouldn't respond.

For context, we've been neighbours for a few years, the 4 DC (2 ours, 2 theirs, all under 5) all regularly play outside together in the space between our houses, and we're friendly with them, never had any neighbourly issues and DC have never had any problems - always want to play together.

I'm always mindful if DC asks and if I can see they are busy or going out or whatever and my DC wants to play I tend to just say oh it looks like they're busy let's stay inside / play just at our house without bothering them.

I completely get that they might not want to play, or parents don't want them to come and play for whatever reason, and am in no way suggesting they must, nor am I precious about my DC being told no - but that's the point. Surely it's much better to just say "no thank you, we're not playing out today" than to let them keep asking and just ignoring them?

Feel really sad for my DC as we always try to teach her to be polite and say things like no thank you. She's 3.

Should I just assume the neighbour just didn't want to say no and thought ignoring was easier or am I being unreasonable to think she should have just answered and said they can't play today? I just don't want it to become an issue where they feel like they have to avoid us in case DC asks, as like I say they do play out quite regularly! I'd rather just be able to tell DC no and be done with it lol.

Goodness there are some miserable people on this thread @Bluebirds1987. PPs frothing about 'massive rudeness' etc. are being ridiculous.
I think it's lovely when kids communicate through the fence. We live in a terrace and this happens all the time.

Your neighbours were rude. A simple 'hello xxx we're busy today' or 'it's lunchtime sweetheart' would suffice.

I feel sorry that your DD is upset because of adult rudeness.

I just wouldn't dwell on it OP, there is probably a totally unrelated reason for this that isn't personal to you or your DC.

My DC occasionally (very infrequently) end up having conversations with next door's DC through our fence. Next door DC usually strike it up first. They can't see each other as the fences are really high without gaps but can hear each other fine.

However, since then, quite frequently when we are in the garden together NDN child has started shouting "hello" repeatedly through the fence. I do sometimes tell my DC not to reply as I just want to enjoy our garden as a family and not always have to entertain this. I also feel a bit weird chatting to a child through the fence, who is usually unsupervised in the garden.

It's the truth though. A 3 year old shouts over a fence and MN pile on to say how wrong she is.

No one thinks the 3yo is wrong. She’s a child.

Wow... you're awful. You're mocking me with your language and completely ridiculing my post, which was genuinely from a place of wanting to make sure I handled something appropriately. At no point was I precious or refer to "poor DC".

She wasn't shouting "at" them. She was calling her friends name!
How on earth is simply responding, "indulging" them?
And how is ignoring any less rude?
I appreciate yes, the way she asked could be seen as rude, have acknowledged that... but also she's just 3! Just ignoring someone doesn't solve anything. maybe I'll just tell her to shout louder next time because they mustn't have heard her 😂

You are getting some insane responses here, OP!

Thanks! Haha. I think I'm going to stick to just reading AIBU for entertainment in future, rather than for actual advice. it's not for me 😂 I'm too precious!

Don't worry OP. Your thread broached the subject of politeness, it's a hot topic😆.
The one off shouting wasn't the end of the world, but neither was the one off ignoring.

So don't feel sad for your child. To be honest with you, dealing with this kind of situation is beneficial to her. Don't promote the idea that everyone should or will act in a certain way. You can promote clear communication skills to her as an individual, but understanding and expecting other people to make different choices is equally important.

Bingo. I also suspect it was more than once that she shouted out, especially given that you say she's been mithering you over and over to play with the NDN OP.

I don't have kids but there are kids on both sides of me and when they hear me in the garden they immediately start shouting to get my attention. It's really bloody irritating and neither they nor their parents take no for an answer. The only way is to ignore them.

Just ignoring someone doesn't solve anything. maybe I'll just tell her to shout louder next time because they mustn't have heard her 😂

Well, it has solved it. They ignored her, you got the hint, and you said you would now stop dd shouting to them. Although you appear to now have decided you’re going to annoy them.

Fair point!