Not paying for extra curricular activities when DD is 18?

[tyrhes]

Hi DD is 18 and has done swimming since she was a toddler and I have obviously always paid for swimming related things and still do, such as her membership, etc. I have no problem paying for this until she finishes sixth form and starts doing whatever it is she decides to do after her education. We are not a high income family and if she goes to uni, she will be entitled to the maximum loan. We will obviously try to help where we can but it really couldn't be any more than what we currently spend on her, etc, so swimming could potentially still be included if she doesn't need that money elsewhere, etc. if she even still wants to.

She has recently wanted to start a martial art though (while we are at it, any best ideas for which one for her as she isn't sure?) but I personally think any new thing she wants to do now really isnt my responsibility? Obviously I don't mean that in a horrible way but even when she was younger and we were tight for money that month, it felt my duty to still ensure she could do extra curricular activities and never really miss out of things her peers did, that kind of stuff doesn't really feel my responsibility now she is 18 but truthfully, morally, should it be? Especially while she is still in sixth form? Thing is, she will obviously be leaving sixth form very soon and as it's a new activity, I feel it also falls out that bracket.

She doesn't have a job and obviously again to clarify, that's not a problem with me, she is in school but if it comes to her wanting things now, I do think she should start thinking about potentially funding them herself.

Is this completely unreasonable?

its important to remember also it is household income so that includes new partners.

Re what to choose: I love jujitsu (Japanese not Brazilian). You learn to wrestle, strike, kick, strangle, use weapons, and do kata - most other martial arts only allow some of those. It's fairly cheap - a basic gi is £20-30 (the white pyjamas - about a tenner second hand, or message me if you're near London, I have small spares) and you don't need one initially. £25 annual insurance fee, £30/month student rate for up to 5 classes a week. That'd be £1.38 per 2 hour class if I actually went that often!

But I love the teachers and club first and foremost. I've previously enjoyed judo, but the teacher changed and it was shit. So shop around, if you like the first class, take the max amount of classes before you officially need to join (usually 3 classes). The first one should be free. Be mindful that if she moves from one club to another, they might not teach the exact same syllabus.

One warning: Some teachers make up their own bullshito - they may run a black belt factory aka McDojo. Avoid the cultist 'the teacher is always right" approach. There's an Instagram account, McDojoLife, that shows examples and explains what to look out for.

Finally... If she chooses a white gi sport, perhaps you could treat her to a good pair of period pants 😅

I totally agree. Mine is second year at uni and does classes with the dance society. I’m very happy to pay for that and also paid for various classes (and instrument and singing lessons) during her gap year right up to going to uni. My financial commitment to her will end when she finishes education and starts working.

She needs to get a job and pay for her hobbies.

I think a 18 if you can't afford a new hobby then she needs to get a job and pay for it herself

I would encourage her to try new things but point out clothing and activities for new activities are expensive before you even get to the ongoing costs of classes, travel to events etc. If you want to go the extra mile do a spreadsheet that sets out anticipated expenses over the year. This will also help you be clear about what the cost is likely to be. You could then help her look at ways to earn money to meet the expenses either at home or through part-time work (life skills!) or if she is planning to go to University point out she could wait, concentrate on her studies now, and start her new interest at university at a very subsidised cost through Uni societies when it would also be a great opportunity to make new friends. Whilst we all want to do the best for our children it’s a hard truth that we have to parent within our means. Your daughter is almost an adult now And planning and budgeting are the next skills she needs for her development.

I think it's fine to say uou can't afford it.

I agree re student finance @Comefromaway

this is absolutely the age where you need to start teaching her about money responsibility. Its time to crack out the income and expenditure form (google income expenditure free pdf) and have her work through what her expenses are going to be and what income she gets from grants etc and what is the fixed amount you are able to give her each month (don't break it down at this point, if you can afford a total of £100, that's the amount of 'income' she can add to the form). Now if the expenditure is greater than the income SHE needs to decide what SHE can cut back on or how SHE can add additional income - this is singularly THE most important life lesson you can give your child as they move into adulthood and they will be so much the better for it - I work in financial services and I have to say, if someone (ANYONE) had done this for the vast majority of adults at 18 and shown them what it ACTUALLY means to be financially responsible a good number of adults would have significantly less student and/or personal debt!