Not paying for extra curricular activities when DD is 18?

[tyrhes]

Hi DD is 18 and has done swimming since she was a toddler and I have obviously always paid for swimming related things and still do, such as her membership, etc. I have no problem paying for this until she finishes sixth form and starts doing whatever it is she decides to do after her education. We are not a high income family and if she goes to uni, she will be entitled to the maximum loan. We will obviously try to help where we can but it really couldn't be any more than what we currently spend on her, etc, so swimming could potentially still be included if she doesn't need that money elsewhere, etc. if she even still wants to.

She has recently wanted to start a martial art though (while we are at it, any best ideas for which one for her as she isn't sure?) but I personally think any new thing she wants to do now really isnt my responsibility? Obviously I don't mean that in a horrible way but even when she was younger and we were tight for money that month, it felt my duty to still ensure she could do extra curricular activities and never really miss out of things her peers did, that kind of stuff doesn't really feel my responsibility now she is 18 but truthfully, morally, should it be? Especially while she is still in sixth form? Thing is, she will obviously be leaving sixth form very soon and as it's a new activity, I feel it also falls out that bracket.

She doesn't have a job and obviously again to clarify, that's not a problem with me, she is in school but if it comes to her wanting things now, I do think she should start thinking about potentially funding them herself.

Is this completely unreasonable?

And why on earth would you not want to contribute to the safety of your dd (re martial arts)
I would pay for that and eat dry bread if i had to.

My kids do karate and classes are cheap. £4 for 90 minutes. The outfits are readily available second hand. If you can't afford it though then she'll need a job. She could easily teach swimming which has an hourly rate far in excess of most 18 year olds. I would investigate any qualifications she needs to teach swimming because it could be a great sideline for her over the next few years.

Because she might struggle to afford it and DD is 18 and can pay for it herself

I don’t understand why an 18 year old doesn’t have a job. We are a very high income family and my 16 DS has worked since he received his NI number.

It’s sensible to wait until university anyway as she might be able to join a society and learn cheaply but also realistically starting something new while she’s in the middle of exams doesn’t seem that sensible and it may be that even if she finds a class it might stop for the summer.

From what you’ve said re family income, she should really be thinking about a summer job especially if she can find one that turns into a job she can do while a student. A lot of posters have mentioned lifeguards but swim teachers are also massively in demand. If she’s with a club can she pick up coaching. One of my daughter’s swim teachers is a student and she’s brilliant. Sadly now coming to the end of her degree but it sounds like it’s been a great job for her re something that fits around her studies and pays pretty well.

Sounds like a perfect opportunity to encourage a summer job to pay for her new hobby. If it was me, I'd probably offer to pay for a few weeks to see if she takes to it and then expect her to fund it on an ongoing basis. Everyone's different but from my experience having a part time job gave my children more financial freedom as well as a broader perspective on life (working with people of different ages / walks of life) and it was 100% beneficial for them. I pay for my 18 year old's mobile and that's it, she pays for everything else including weekly jiujitsu classes.

I would pay for this no problem but then my income would allow it

If my income didn't allow it I would encourage her to get a small job - just an 8 hour a week shift in sainsburys would pay the best part of £90 a week as they pay staff the same hourly rate whether you're 17 or 70 - and that would more than cover it for her

Skilled work like lifeguard or swim teacher is £20 a hour near up (north) and very in demand.
Students with a hobby then can monetise often do very well. DD’s friend gets over £100 for refereeing football on Saturday am.
A household income of under £25,000 will mean things very tight. Mum is paying everything at minute.

My son is a musician and I paid for his piano lessons and youth theatre/NYMT fees (he dropped his singing lessons to concentrate on his other stuff) until the August just before he went to university. In his case he now gets them free as part of his degree but anything else he does he pays for himself. He didn't work last summer partly due to his commitments with NYMT but the contacts he made there have since got him other paid work. He has lots of work lined up for this summer

He did get a place this year with NYMT and we did agree to fund his fees for that as it is quit special, but he will fund his travel & other expenses for it.

His friend who is currently on a gap year and working funds all his own drum lessons etc although his nan helped pay for some extra ones in the run up to his uni auditions.

It cost my dd 200 to do her swim teacher training.

As it's so late in the year, I'd suggest sye wait a few months and join a student class at uni. Personally, I would pay for sports/hobbies until they leave school. Then there's so many free/subsidised activities at uni I'd not expect to pay at that stage.

It cost ds's friend a lot (well over £1,000) to do his lifeguard training but the local leisure centre paid for it on condition he worked 1 day a week plus summer holidays for 2 years.

Why you still paying for swimming? I mean she can swim well enough by now. If she wants a new hobby switch the money to her new hobby or stop paying for any of them.
Judo is nice but pulls your hair. Thai boxing hurts and makes your shins swell up. Jujitsu is a good mix, that's all the ones I know.

Teaching teenagers the value of money and work is a great lesson, and doesn't mean you're unsupportive.

Example, I was encouraged to get a part-time job (literally one 4hr shift a week) to pay for my increasing love of cinema and expensive DVDs back in the day as a 17yo. It helped me learn to budget and appreciate the money so much more than simply being handed a twenty pound note I didn't earn.

Always been grateful that my mother taught me the value of money and how great it feels to enjoy things you've earned. Friends around me (early thirties now) who got given everything on a plate are still awful with money, in overdrafts, can't budget etc, and still get handouts from parents even with decent jobs.

And as an 18yo, your DD should understand :)

As soon as her exams are over she needs to get a part time job, there are plenty around, and start helping with money. Good practice at budgeting too.

Sounds like she needs to learn the difference between a want and a need. She wants to do a new hobby? She needs to get a job to pay for it.

If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it! That’s your answer. I would
it break the bank for an 18 year old to try something new (and martial arts can be expensive, there’s classes, licences, uniform, completions, gradings etc. how much of this are you committing to paying for, and for how long?)

I think you should also start getting DD to think about a part time job for now and while she is at uni. This will help her begin having some financial independence, and freedom to pick up new hobbies without having to rely on you. It was 20 years ago but I worked through A’levels and all my university degrees up to PhD level. I have definitely found a broad experience of the workplace from mid-teens to be beneficial in many ways as I’ve progressed through life. I used to love working as a teen as it made me feel grown up and responsible for my own stuff.

If she is going to uni, there are likely to be subsidised sports societies where she can try out martial arts a lot more cheaply than at a local club. So perhaps the answer is she waits until she starts uni to try this new hobby.

Completely reasonable, if she wants to start a new hobby at this age, she can get a job and fund it herself. When i was 14 i had a pony which my mum paid for, i wanted a second one and i was told at 14 if i wamted another i would have to pay for his stable rent myself, so i got a job at the local stables on a Saturday, more in holidays, and that paid for my second horse. Taught me the value of money too.

Presumably, if she is 18, then she is in Yr13, so has 6 weeks of revising for, and sitting exams - so clearly not the best time to start a new hobby - and then will have 10 - 12 weeks when she can go out and earn her own money. she then can choose whether to save this / use it for something like driving lessons / put it aside for University if she plans to go / work for a shorter length of time and spend it on a holiday / or use it to start a new hobby.

If she is hoping to go away to University, it would seem an odd time to start a club / hobby at home though.

Of course you shouldn't be expecting to fund hobbies and interests once she is an adult.

If she's been swimming all her life though, she is presumably of a standard where she could do a lifeguard course and earn quite well across the Summer. Potentially even going on to do swimming teaching, which will earn her even more.

There is no guarantee OP’s child will get the maximum loan. I don’t earn much amd my daughter got the minimum loan. She works in a pub to supplement uni.

My dd is yr12 and has been swimming since a toddler also. If your dd swims competitively then I know the commitment form both of you over the years - you'vw supported her massively! Competitive swimming is an expensive sport, my dd trains 12hrs per week (and then there's kit, travel etc).
At her age she needs to be contributing and appreciating what things cost. My dd did her lifeguard training for £250 as soon as she hit 16 and gets paid 12 p/h. Before that she worked in a cafe to pay for any extras she wants. She knows I will support her but also has a sense of responsibility for herself. Swimming or any sport is great for discipline and mental health but whims are a different matter - if she really wants to give a martial art a go then she will go the extra mile and get a job to make that happen. See if she does.

We were probably similar family circumstances to yourselves and by 18 I certainly didnt expect my parents to pay for my hobbies. They still treated me a lot and were very giving of time and energy but I wouldn't have expected anything more. When I realised I needed money I got a job. There's no reason she can't work a part time job while studying, I started at college and worked (different jobs) all through uni and think it was a great life experience and invaluable in instilling an understanding and respect for value. My advice would be to praise the hobby, drive her there but don't fund it. And speak about her earning some spending money as a separate thing then it's up to her what she does with it.

If your household income isn’t “much” but she gets the minimum then your definition of much is very different to mine.

I doubt that very much. I’m just suggesting caution as my daughter was shocked when she saw how little she got. Her dad died when she was six and there is no one else to help her. She’s worked since she wss 16. Unless you are an expert on student finance , in which case I would love to speak with you, then I suggest caution in giving advice. I assure you I have a limited income.

Yes, I am pretty knowledgable about student finance. Had you not looked up the income scales to get an idea of what you might get.

Assuming it’s the most common live away from home outside London next year & the student is from England A family with an income of under £25,000 per annum will get the maximum loan. This is what I would call being on a limited income. I know quite a lot of families who live on between £25-35k.

A family with an income of £62,000 (which is not what I would call a limited income) will only get minimum loan.

(all figures are before tax/NI)

OP Has said her daughter will get the maximum, hence I assume she has looked up the scales or put her figures into one of the online calculators.