Not paying for extra curricular activities when DD is 18?

[tyrhes]

Hi DD is 18 and has done swimming since she was a toddler and I have obviously always paid for swimming related things and still do, such as her membership, etc. I have no problem paying for this until she finishes sixth form and starts doing whatever it is she decides to do after her education. We are not a high income family and if she goes to uni, she will be entitled to the maximum loan. We will obviously try to help where we can but it really couldn't be any more than what we currently spend on her, etc, so swimming could potentially still be included if she doesn't need that money elsewhere, etc. if she even still wants to.

She has recently wanted to start a martial art though (while we are at it, any best ideas for which one for her as she isn't sure?) but I personally think any new thing she wants to do now really isnt my responsibility? Obviously I don't mean that in a horrible way but even when she was younger and we were tight for money that month, it felt my duty to still ensure she could do extra curricular activities and never really miss out of things her peers did, that kind of stuff doesn't really feel my responsibility now she is 18 but truthfully, morally, should it be? Especially while she is still in sixth form? Thing is, she will obviously be leaving sixth form very soon and as it's a new activity, I feel it also falls out that bracket.

She doesn't have a job and obviously again to clarify, that's not a problem with me, she is in school but if it comes to her wanting things now, I do think she should start thinking about potentially funding them herself.

Is this completely unreasonable?

It's not unreasonable no, OP.

If she goes to work she'll be earning enough to pay for martial arts. If she goes to uni she'll have to budget so she can afford to go to martial arts lessons.

My DD took up a sport last year, just for fun. She's made great progress and I'd like her to continue with lessons while she's at uni. DD thinks she's good enough at the sport to continue independently for fun, so thinks she'd rather spend the money on socialising something else.

I'd probably be happy to pay for self defense lessons for DD though.

I wouldn't pay for her to do it but it should definitely be Brazilian jiu-jitsu. It's like chess with human bodies.

That's right, once she leaves school she needs to get a job to pay for her own hobbies and social life.

This. My daughter is 13 and has a weekend job (mucking out stables at a yard). Why can't she get a part-time job?

Can't imagine that will pay for martial arts lessons!!

Why can’t she get a summer job ?

At 18 I would expect her to be working through the holidays and saving up for uni. I would be encouraging her to sign up at a job agency for temporary work or checking the jobs available at local supermarkets etc. I think any new activity should be paid for by her own efforts now.

Definitely don’t pay. Can’t believe she’s 18 and doesn’t have a job - that should be a priority before new hobbies

Your post is confusing.

are you saying you can’t afford it, or that you think it’s not your responsibility to pay because she’s 18?

if you can’t afford it she can’t do it.

if you can, but think you shouldn’t that’s different. I’d pay up.

uni will have sports clubs she can join if you can’t afford it now.

Why isn't she working? I worked as soon as I had my NI number, low income family. I also went to uni. If she plans to go she may as well wait until she does to pick up a new sport, most will have a huge variety of clubs and they are much cheaper than those based in the community. She may also find it more fun to try out different sports with friends/housemates. I rowed coxed 4s at uni, wouldn't have been able to do that on the estate I grew up on!
If she's not going to uni, she still needs to get a job, part time while she's studying and full time after and she needs to pay for her own hobbies.
I always give bar and waitressing work plentiful and waitressing you also got tips.

If money were no issue and you wanted to, you could continue to fund whilst she is in education, but if she will get maximum loan it clearly isn't. She needs to start supporting herself a bit more.

Fucking hell. Yes definitely more important to be a wage slave immediately rather than having any fun in life.

@Harkonen it's possible to do both. I had to work my parents didn't earn much more than minimum wage, I couldn't exactly ask them to find my travelling, holidays, car, socialising etc. I always really enjoyed working back then whilst studying, lots of fun to be had working in bars and restaurants and the social life that comes with it.
If the OPs DD is eligible for full loan the household income is very low, but sure they should pay for her to take up a new hobby on a whim at 18...

Pretty much every uni I've come across has societies for martial arts with free taster sessions. Membership is very cheap!

She should wait until she goes to uni, sign up to the mailing lists at freshers fair, try some taster sessions then pick one which she pays for out of her student loan.

That poster would obviously remortgage the house. One must sacrifice for ones children's hobbies and whims.

But this is a scenario that you've completely made up. It's martial arts, probably not that expensive, and brilliant for teenage girls. The OP doesn't make it clear whether she actually can't afford it, in which case there was very little point in starting the thread, or whether she feels she shouldn't have to, in which case she'll be in good company on here.

Of course it's possible to do both- all my dcs have done this. The post I was referring to said she she get a job, not a hobby.

It’s unusual not to work at all at 18 especially if household money tight. Household income is under £25,000 if girl will qualify for a full loan.
Plenty of time for study and hobbies plus a few hours a week. Lifeguarding I mentioned earlier is very indemand and can pay really well.
The girl will be finished in a month for 3 months if she’s going to uni. Not unreasonable to expect her to work for some of that time to fund her fun and hobbies. I doubt mum has money for ‘fun’ on such a low income.

Must be nice to have the choice not to work at 18

Household income for full loan is under 25K. Most people are capable of joining the dots and don't need the OP to say 'I can't afford it' in big neon letters.
Especially as she refers to being tight on money, but making sure her daughter doesn't miss out.

Also OP do you live in an area with loads of options? There's no point in any of us suggesting things that don't exist.
The atmosphere of the coach (and gym itself) is more important than the type of sport, so have a look and see what's available, then we can help you narrow it down.

I just checked out the uni DD is going to - they have a Women's Self Defense Society. It's free. I shall be suggesting it to DD.

Another vote for a part-time job. In sixth form I worked in a kennels and my best friend served in a baker's shop on Saturdays. Mine funded my sailing.

I'd be encouraging her to take up a martial art, and paying for it, she's going to be living alone in a city soon, anything to help her feel safer!

Assuming she is about to do her A levels I would say that new hobbies need to wait until those are out of the way. Then maybe she can get a holiday job to fund it. Plus if she is going to University in the Autumn might it not be more sensible to wait until she is there and sees what clubs are available? If she picks a particular thing now and finds there isn't a University society she could of course find an outside provider but University clubs are usually cheaper, plus it would be a good way to make friends with other students.

Bit harsh imo