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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnancy announcement to parent

63 replies

Slinkyminky22 · 13/05/2023 19:56

Wondering if this is strange/hurtful behaviour from a parent. Or quite common. I'm unable to tell as easily any more.

I phoned my parent to let them know I was pregnant. Very happy chat, congratulations given, lots of excitement.

We met up in person 2 days later and were together for around 1.5 hours, during which my pregnancy wasn't mentioned and my parent just behaved the same way they normally would, as if nothing had changed. It was almost as if, because we'd spoken on the phone there was nothing to say?

When I realised after about half an hour that the baby hadn't been mentioned I didn't bring it up myself, just out of curiosity really. I had forgotten to take the scan photos too.

Parent has form for being self absorbed but this seemed a bit beyond that to me. The next time we met I mentioned the baby first as it caused me almost physical pain with it not being mentioned first time around and i didn't want to go through that feeling again.

AIBU?

OP posts:
pecantoucan · 13/05/2023 20:06

Could be they are waiting for you to bring it up?

pecantoucan · 13/05/2023 20:06

Or if its still quite early waiting a bit?

Original poster
Slinkyminky22 · 13/05/2023 20:08

Yes maybe, it was at 13 weeks and had a healthy scan so not too sure it would be that.

To not even mention it at all, refer to our phone conversation, or ask after my health seemed very off.

OP posts:
Ontheperiphery79 · 13/05/2023 20:09

To echo a PP, maybe they were waiting for you to bring the pregnancy into the conversation?
No-one asked me how my pregnancy was going in the early days, but were happy to talk about it with me if I brought it up.

TimesRwo · 13/05/2023 20:10

Is this your first pregnancy?

After sharing the news and the congratulations, what else is there to talk about really? It’s not a topic that comes up in every conversation.

And congratulations! It’s an exciting time for you - don’t let your expectations of others ruin this experience for you.

Chickychoccyegg · 13/05/2023 20:16

I'd also expect my parents to mention it and show some enthusiasm on our first face to face meet up after hearing of my pregnancy, that to me would be normal.

cestlavielife · 13/05/2023 20:19

If you see them every two days there isnt much new to say?
They congratulated you already
They will wait for you to bring it up and mention anything noteworthy , or baby is born
It s interesting on daily basis to you but to them it s not really? Do they usually share their daily health updates?

Just enjoy your pregnancy!

It might get tedious if everyone has to talk about it all the time
If you want to share something with them then do
Once you show or in later months you will more likely soon get tired of everyone even random people talking about it!

RoseGoldEagle · 13/05/2023 20:23

You’ll get lots of ‘the only person truly interested in your pregnancy is you’ type posts I’m sure, but I do think this is weird behaviour from a parent. Congrats OP!!

Original poster
Slinkyminky22 · 13/05/2023 20:30

Thanks for the insight so far.

No, not my first pregnancy.

We see each other a couple of times a month probably.

I would say an impending grandchild is more than a "daily health update" but okay.

OP posts:
pecantoucan · 13/05/2023 20:37

I don't think my parents got overly excited until I'd made it to third trimester but they have a history behind that

Ontheperiphery79 · 13/05/2023 20:38

Ah, I get it now, it not being your first pregnancy. Tiny drip feed, as context is everything! 😅

Original poster
Slinkyminky22 · 13/05/2023 20:41

Sorry, drip feed not intentional. I didn't want it to be too outing or ramble in my OP so tried to stick to basics.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 13/05/2023 20:45

Second (or third or fourth) pregnancy they not gonna be all over it...til it s born or something to say ....
Were they constantly asking during your first? Is it a change?

Dacadactyl · 13/05/2023 20:54

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest so I think YABU.

marshmallowsforbreakfast · 13/05/2023 20:59

You're only 13 weeks so still very early
It's not your first pregnancy
You didn't bring it up first so they might have avoided it in case it was sensitive

All the above seem reasons to me why they might not discuss.

YouveGotAFastCar · 13/05/2023 21:01

Eh, I'd find it odd.

But my in-laws pretended they didn't know what the card to grandparents meant, or the scan photo inside, or the tiny onesie, or the tiny shoes... and then when DH gave up and just said I was pregnant, they went quiet and then MIL cried a lot and said she was losing her baby, so you know... it could be worse?! 😆

Confusion101 · 13/05/2023 21:05

I voted YABU because you didn't bring it up either. Not much they could ask at this stage except how are you feeling

philautia · 13/05/2023 21:32

I couldn't say unless I actually knew examples of past behaviour. To me, until you have the baby, nothing has changed.

I am about to give birth and I don't ever bring it up in conversation, because until the baby arrives safely, I can't accept it will happen. Other people (including strangers) bring it up a lot though, but I am good at changing the subject.

To be honest I don't know what I'd ask someone when they are 13 weeks pregnant that wasn't covered in the phone call where the parent expressed excitement for a grandchild.

ClaireSweeneyStuntDouble · 13/05/2023 21:35

TimesRwo · 13/05/2023 20:10

Is this your first pregnancy?

After sharing the news and the congratulations, what else is there to talk about really? It’s not a topic that comes up in every conversation.

And congratulations! It’s an exciting time for you - don’t let your expectations of others ruin this experience for you.

I know MN is full to the brim of the studiously unimpressed but it's a sad state of affairs when a parent can't even feign interest in their daughter's newly announced pregnancy.

Arxx · 13/05/2023 21:41

We had decided we were getting married (we were engaged) at relatively short notice. My husband phoned his parents to tell them and the next time we went to visit a few weeks later (especially as there were only a couple of months to go by this point) they didn’t mention it at all. On the way home I checked with my husband that he’d definitely told them and asked if he thought that was strange not to mention it at all. Like a pregnancy announcement, it didn’t really feel like something the key person should bring up, it was more for them to ask about, ask details etc but nope, nothing. They are extremely self absorbed though and just live in their own little bubble. I can’t imagine my child being pregnant and not even mentioning it the next time I saw them, I’d probably have bought something by then! Definitely weird behaviour

mrsmacmc · 13/05/2023 21:53

@philautia I'm the same as you, I don't actively go into 'talk about pregnancy mode' when in company and deflect to another topic 😅 Currently 27wks FTMTB and it's been a rollercoaster to get here and also during pregnancy so far which has made me very guarded 🤞🏻 wishing you all the best for baby and you 💖

Sometimeswinning · 13/05/2023 22:02

So for half an hour you forgot to bring up your own pregnancy. Didn't bring your scan pictures. But your parents should have made more effort?

Honestly, you sound hardwork and like you're looking for an issue. Lots of reasons why they took your lead in the conversation.

My parents would never have had the chance to not mention my pregnancies! It was always top of my list to tell them how shit I felt. Especially after the first pregnancy as I often had a nap and they had to watch my toddler!

Sailawaygirl · 13/05/2023 22:10

I had exactly the same thing a few weekends ago. Other family members were asking about pregnancy and my dad. But my mum seemed to walk out of the room whenever it was mentioned. I reflected on after and had a little tear, cause I had kinda hoped it might bring me and mum closer again. Any way I think she was just worried about saying the right thing ( she's a big worrier). So next phone call I brought up baby soon in conversation and we had quite a nice chat about being pregnant. So maybe your mum is just waiting to follow your lead? But I know how your feeling

FiveShelties · 13/05/2023 22:12

How many grandchildren do they have?

Toomanylatenightprogs · 13/05/2023 22:23

Tbh as a grandparent you have to tread the middle ground, not be overly fussy, demanding of info or seeing dgc constantly, especially when newborn and not the other extreme being disinterested or uncaring.
Your parents congratulated you, were pleased at your news, just a couple of days later there’s not much more to say especially so early on.
As long as they’re loving grandparents to your children that’s what matters.
And congratulations on your pregnancy from a complete stranger !