Page 2 | Pregnancy announcement to parent

Slinkyminky22 · 2023-05-13T18:56:37+00:00

Wondering if this is strange/hurtful behaviour from a parent. Or quite common. I'm unable to tell as easily any more. I phoned my parent to let them know I was pregnant. Very happy chat, congratulations given, lots of excitement. We met up in person 2 days later and were together for around 1.5 hours, during which my pregnancy wasn't mentioned and my parent just behaved the same way they normally would, as if nothing had changed. It was almost as if, because we'd spoken on the phone there was nothing to say? When I realised after about half an hour that the baby hadn't been mentioned I didn't bring it up myself, just out of curiosity really. I had forgotten to take the scan photos too. Parent has form for being self absorbed but this seemed a bit beyond that to me. The next time we met I mentioned the baby first as it caused me almost physical pain with it not being mentioned first time around and i didn't want to go through that feeling again. AIBU?

philautia · 13/05/2023 22:31

@mrsmacmc there is nothing wrong with that, pregnancy for most of us is an uncertain and worrying time. You're in the third trimester though, lots of reassurance with movements and midwife appointments. Take care and enjoy this last bit 💕

firsttimemumggg · 13/05/2023 22:38

What would there be to talk about?

JussathoB · 13/05/2023 22:53

I’m outraged on your behalf OP.
j But no point getting upset, you look after yourself and try to be patient with your parents even if they don’t deserve it. Perhaps they will do better next time you meet up.

TheSnowyOwl · 13/05/2023 23:04

It seems to be something that parents and parents to be constantly forget but children and babies are only really of interest to the parents.

Original poster

Slinkyminky22 · 13/05/2023 23:07

Sometimeswinning · 13/05/2023 22:02

So for half an hour you forgot to bring up your own pregnancy. Didn't bring your scan pictures. But your parents should have made more effort?

Honestly, you sound hardwork and like you're looking for an issue. Lots of reasons why they took your lead in the conversation.

My parents would never have had the chance to not mention my pregnancies! It was always top of my list to tell them how shit I felt. Especially after the first pregnancy as I often had a nap and they had to watch my toddler!

I sound "hard work" but you're the one napping and expecting your parents to babysit.

All I expected (and needed) was a "how are you?" after my announcement, to be clear, not the full 1.5hrs to be all about me.

Reading through these replies and them being so split is interesting. Of course the ones with a similar mindset to me resonate more, however it is good to see both sides which is why I posted.

OP posts:

Cm078 · 13/05/2023 23:08

My parents are both like this unfortunately. Im currently 16 weeks and neither one has bothered to even message asking how I am etc. They've been like it my whole life so I know no different but know that it's not right. Get more love from the in laws! So i know how upsetting it is. Sorry you've had the same

ClaireSweeneyStuntDouble · 13/05/2023 23:21

TheSnowyOwl · 13/05/2023 23:04

It seems to be something that parents and parents to be constantly forget but children and babies are only really of interest to the parents.

Oh ffs, grandparents sometimes been known to have a passing interest too. Only on MN do I see this sentiment that your parents should take no more interest in you than someone you worked with briefly three years ago.

TimesRwo · 13/05/2023 23:27

ClaireSweeneyStuntDouble · 13/05/2023 21:35

I know MN is full to the brim of the studiously unimpressed but it's a sad state of affairs when a parent can't even feign interest in their daughter's newly announced pregnancy.

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It’s a second pregnancy, and the mum
showed interest and excitement when she was told the news. It simply wasn’t mentioned when they next met in person. It’s hardly a sad state of affairs is it?

I find it more surprising that she told her mum at 13 weeks. If she doesn’t have a close / good relationship with her mum that she waits until 13 weeks, then perhaps there’s more there on both sides.

neverenoughchelseaboots · 13/05/2023 23:30

They were probably waiting for you to bring it up and were taking your lead.

Ponoka7 · 13/05/2023 23:36

firsttimemumggg · 13/05/2023 22:38

What would there be to talk about?

How has she been feeling, tired/sick etc. Has she told the other children/family etc, what was said. Is there anything she's thinking of doing differently? Has she thought about prams etc? When is she going to start buying? Is she going to find out the sex? Has she told work? Are they looking for completely new names or are they going off their previous choices? Do they need help with anything? Can I buy something big? Can I pick up bits? (I loved buying new born nappies) Loads of stuff that most involved parents ask. In the case of grandmothers, technically we carry our grandchildren as well as our baby girls.
OP it was odd.

Sometimeswinning · 13/05/2023 23:40

Slinkyminky22 · 13/05/2023 23:07

I sound "hard work" but you're the one napping and expecting your parents to babysit.

All I expected (and needed) was a "how are you?" after my announcement, to be clear, not the full 1.5hrs to be all about me.

Reading through these replies and them being so split is interesting. Of course the ones with a similar mindset to me resonate more, however it is good to see both sides which is why I posted.

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Why wouldn't they help!? They are my parents. It's a sad thing that you would judge a tired, pregnant mum of a toddler for getting support. But your needs at being ignored by your parents prompted a post on mumsnet!

I meant hardwork as in you didn't actually make a move to fix it and chose to be upset about it. What would have happened if you had said you'd had the scan? I'd assume a whole conversation?

Freeballing · 13/05/2023 23:42

Ponoka7 · 13/05/2023 23:36

How has she been feeling, tired/sick etc. Has she told the other children/family etc, what was said. Is there anything she's thinking of doing differently? Has she thought about prams etc? When is she going to start buying? Is she going to find out the sex? Has she told work? Are they looking for completely new names or are they going off their previous choices? Do they need help with anything? Can I buy something big? Can I pick up bits? (I loved buying new born nappies) Loads of stuff that most involved parents ask. In the case of grandmothers, technically we carry our grandchildren as well as our baby girls.
OP it was odd.

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I think some people worry about asking all of this for fear of being seen overinvolved or interfering especially when the OP didn't bring up the pregnancy at all. It really depends on the overall relationship between them, not all parents/children have an easy relationship.

llamallama6384 · 13/05/2023 23:55

YouveGotAFastCar · 13/05/2023 21:01

Eh, I'd find it odd.

But my in-laws pretended they didn't know what the card to grandparents meant, or the scan photo inside, or the tiny onesie, or the tiny shoes... and then when DH gave up and just said I was pregnant, they went quiet and then MIL cried a lot and said she was losing her baby, so you know... it could be worse?! 😆

That is absolutely awful !

firsttimemumggg · 14/05/2023 00:05

@Ponoka7 all in due time. I'm assume the OP is very early on in her pregnancy. Also a lot of those questions are way to much.

Original poster

Slinkyminky22 · 14/05/2023 00:14

Probably more drip feeding but never mind - I had texted a scan photo through after our phone call, so didn't think to take them when we met a few days later.

Yes I could have brought the subject up myself, but I was thrown when I wasn't even asked "how are you?" when we said hello, or at all actually. Then time passed and i kept thinking surely they'll mention it now. It was bizarre.

I don't expect special treatment, I don't think the world revolves around me, but I know for sure if my child told me they were pregnant it would be the first thing I'd mention next time I saw them.

"That was a lovely surprise when you phoned me!"
"How are you feeling?"
"When is your due date then?"

And on, and on. All appropriate responses in my mind.

OP posts:

blahblahblah1654 · 14/05/2023 00:16

I'm 17 weeks in my second pregnancy and I haven't been asked about this one half as much. Even by my mum. I don't blame them tbh. When other friends/family members have subsequent pregnancies I don't make as much as a fuss either.

helloimnew123 · 14/05/2023 00:17

I completely agree that I would expect some congrats/ reaction/ interest when I next saw them. I think that's what most people would do.

MN will tell you that you aren't important and no one cares! but I think most people would be hurt if family and close friends didn't even mention such exciting new, even if it's not your first.

Congratulations btw 😊

Original poster

Slinkyminky22 · 14/05/2023 00:20

TimesRwo · 13/05/2023 23:27

It’s a second pregnancy, and the mum
showed interest and excitement when she was told the news. It simply wasn’t mentioned when they next met in person. It’s hardly a sad state of affairs is it?

I find it more surprising that she told her mum at 13 weeks. If she doesn’t have a close / good relationship with her mum that she waits until 13 weeks, then perhaps there’s more there on both sides.

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Interesting, I didn't think much on the fact that maybe there was thought given to the fact I was 13 weeks pregnant. I suppose some women will tell their parents/mum before their scan.

OP posts:

Original poster

Slinkyminky22 · 14/05/2023 00:24

ClaireSweeneyStuntDouble · 13/05/2023 23:21

Oh ffs, grandparents sometimes been known to have a passing interest too. Only on MN do I see this sentiment that your parents should take no more interest in you than someone you worked with briefly three years ago.

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This made me laugh. Sure seems to be the majority opinion on here!

OP posts:

JudgeRudy · 14/05/2023 00:31

As you've said, it's a 2nd pregnancy and you've not mentioned anything pertinent to make this pregnancy stand out. You told them over the phone and they congratulated you. Then you visited. If it was something you wanted to share why didn't you say something soon after arriving? It's a bit, well needy/entitled to expect them to bring it up again. It almost sounds like you deliberately didn't mention it (when you were busting to) because you felt they should bring it up coz they're as invested as you.
Whilst I'm sure they're pleased you're pleased, I doubt they're invested either way. When it's happening to you it's maybe hard to imagine others won't be a delighted as you. Next time take your scan pics as a conversation opener but don't expect it to be the topic of the year.
Congratulations BTW.

helloimnew123 · 14/05/2023 00:42

JudgeRudy · 14/05/2023 00:31

As you've said, it's a 2nd pregnancy and you've not mentioned anything pertinent to make this pregnancy stand out. You told them over the phone and they congratulated you. Then you visited. If it was something you wanted to share why didn't you say something soon after arriving? It's a bit, well needy/entitled to expect them to bring it up again. It almost sounds like you deliberately didn't mention it (when you were busting to) because you felt they should bring it up coz they're as invested as you.
Whilst I'm sure they're pleased you're pleased, I doubt they're invested either way. When it's happening to you it's maybe hard to imagine others won't be a delighted as you. Next time take your scan pics as a conversation opener but don't expect it to be the topic of the year.
Congratulations BTW.

You doubt they are invested either way...!?

Really?? Not invested in their grandchild?

firsttimemumggg · 14/05/2023 00:51

Slinkyminky22 · 14/05/2023 00:14

Probably more drip feeding but never mind - I had texted a scan photo through after our phone call, so didn't think to take them when we met a few days later.

Yes I could have brought the subject up myself, but I was thrown when I wasn't even asked "how are you?" when we said hello, or at all actually. Then time passed and i kept thinking surely they'll mention it now. It was bizarre.

I don't expect special treatment, I don't think the world revolves around me, but I know for sure if my child told me they were pregnant it would be the first thing I'd mention next time I saw them.

"That was a lovely surprise when you phoned me!"
"How are you feeling?"
"When is your due date then?"

And on, and on. All appropriate responses in my mind.

They know your due date, seen your scan and they address the happy baby news in the phone call.....

If you want them to ask more about it, let them know.

But you've not written anything to suggest they aren't interested.... just they didn't bring it to first to make you feel special.

Baby isn't remotely here yet. Still early days.

Ponoka7 · 14/05/2023 01:04

firsttimemumggg · 14/05/2023 00:05

@Ponoka7 all in due time. I'm assume the OP is very early on in her pregnancy. Also a lot of those questions are way to much.

It depends on your relationship with your Mother. I don't know anyone who has the distant relationships described on here. I get toxic relatives, but if that's the case you wouldn't meet up so often and expect anything from them. To most people, your DD having a baby is a big deal.

WandaWonder · 14/05/2023 01:08

After the initial telling not sure what else there is to say really sure after while as in maybe once a month or so 'how's it going?'

JudgeRudy · 14/05/2023 01:20

helloimnew123 · 14/05/2023 00:42

You doubt they are invested either way...!?

Really?? Not invested in their grandchild?

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I mean not bothered either way if she has one more, two more or no more. There isn't an additional grandchild yet. If you asked me how many kids I'd like my children to have, I really wouldn't care...as they please.
I'm sure when the child comes along they will show an interest.