Pregnancy announcement to parent

[Slinkyminky22]

Wondering if this is strange/hurtful behaviour from a parent. Or quite common. I'm unable to tell as easily any more.

I phoned my parent to let them know I was pregnant. Very happy chat, congratulations given, lots of excitement.

We met up in person 2 days later and were together for around 1.5 hours, during which my pregnancy wasn't mentioned and my parent just behaved the same way they normally would, as if nothing had changed. It was almost as if, because we'd spoken on the phone there was nothing to say?

When I realised after about half an hour that the baby hadn't been mentioned I didn't bring it up myself, just out of curiosity really. I had forgotten to take the scan photos too.

Parent has form for being self absorbed but this seemed a bit beyond that to me. The next time we met I mentioned the baby first as it caused me almost physical pain with it not being mentioned first time around and i didn't want to go through that feeling again.

AIBU?

I think you've misread. I don't think most people are that bothered how many children their children have. I would imagine most would prefer at least one. Surely nearly all/most would just be pleased that your pleased.
I've congratulated OP on her pregnancy. I've also said her parents will likely show interest when the child arrives. That's hardly emotionally constipated or icily cool.
What a nasty thing to imply that I'm not able to emotionally support my children....simply not true.

How odd.

If the last time I spoke to a casual acquaintance they told me they were pregnant, the first thing I’d ask on seeing them would be ‘how are you feeling?’. Let alone a relative.

I simply don’t believe people who are pretending that people with normal social skills would not mention this at all.

The next time we met I mentioned the baby first as it caused me almost physical pain with it not being mentioned first time around and i didn't want to go through that feeling again.

It’s weird your mum/parent didn’t mention it. But that is quite an extreme response.

Sits on fence

Yes would have been nice to ask how you are feeling - is your eldest excited to be a big brother or sister

Equally been 2days and they've seen a scan pic , must know the rough due date

Guess I find it weird you didn't tell them till after scan 13w / if have such a. Close relationship

I was so excited that finally preg after 10yrs ttc that I told my dad (my mum sadly died 2 yrs before I got preg) at 6w after the initial scan (ivf)

Then friends via Fb

Yes was early days but if I ended up have a mc then dad and friends would have known why I would have be distraught

How many gc do they have

Do you have siblings who have children

So they have least 2-3 gc already

I think if you're only 13 weeks along, the pregnancy has been straight forward (if it has?) and there was nothing 'new' to talk about since you'd spoken before then I wouldn't see the big deal.

I am currently having a not-very-straight-forward pregnancy and have been hurt when family haven't asked anything about how I am or how things are going. Otherwise, I wouldn't expect them to ask every time I saw them and I would probably get a bit sick of it.

OP it’s definitely odd and thoughtless. They might have had their reasons but I don’t think it’s unacceptable behaviour at all.

Btw in case you are new to Mumsnet basically people like to jump down the throat of pregnant women/new mothers if they dare to express that they might want any sort of acknowledgement, appreciation or help from other people. The mantra is that we all should trudge through motherhood subserviently with our heads held low and never seek to draw any attention to ourselves. You must not under any circumstances expect anyone else to think you are going through a special life event and respond accordingly.

I don’t know where that attitude comes from tbh : internalised misogyny? Bitterness that that stage in life has passed and an inability to rejoice instead in others going through it? General lack of empathy? I don’t know but it’s a sadly common outlook for a site intended to help mothers

I would always wait for the pregnant person to bring it up, especially in the earlier stages. I have some friends who preferred not to discuss much until later pregnancy. If you wanted to talk about it you should have brought it up!

And for people claiming it’s not strange because you spoke about to two days ago. Imagine if for example two days ago your mum had told you she was going to retire, move house, change jobs or any other fairly major life event. Even if you had discussed it earlier it would be strange not to bring it up at all the next time you saw someone in person. They might have had their reasons for not bringing it up or indeed we’re waiting on you to do it but it is just odd. I’m not saying they have to bring it up every time they see you but if this was the first time they saw you in person then I’d think it was bizarre.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t see our parents for who they truly are until we become pregnant/parents ourselves. Parenting makes you notice how poor they are. For example when I told my DM I was pregnant she looked uncomfortable and barely said anything. Throughout my pregnancy she showed no interest. Then insisted on moving in after I gave birth, but didn’t actually help, just added more work or criticised me so I asked her to leave.

She barely bothers to come visit the now 2 grandkids. The last two times it was to come to a Christmas dinner and her birthday event I was hosting. Every time I invite her, she has important gardening to do or she’s busy (she’s retired). She never invites us over, the only way I/kids see her is if I, after working FT go to hers and even then they are sat in the living room whilst she’s cleaning the kitchen, she won’t spend any quality time when we’re there.

I can’t be bothered anymore and will wait to see if she expects us all to take an interest if she becomes frail etc. I bet she’ll be surprised when the grandkids don’t bother with her at all and I won’t force them either.

I find it very strange.

Is it your mum and could she be jealous of you?

Ok it makes a big difference if it's baby number 1 or baby number 4.

Or for example if first child is 12 and this baby is from a different relationship.

What was the parent like with your first pregnancy?

I personally love a pregnancy and would chat about it all day with a friend or adult child. But not everyone is the same.

And if it is baby number 4, it does become a bit like old news.

Not having your pregnancy brought up caused you physical pain?