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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not offer to volunteer ever again

79 replies

Confusedvol · 13/05/2023 14:06

Hi,

AIBU, I probably am but I just feel really annoyed about this.

A local community group run lots of events round here and we have enjoyed many of them as a family. They are not a charity as such as most events are not free and staff are paid but they do offer subsided support services and do fundraisers for this.

They have an upcoming event and put a message out saying they are lacking volunteers to support. It’s the first I’d heard about this event but I immediately responded saying I could help out. It actually means il need to change my work and it would be a full day.
I have helped out before on a few occasions and I get on well with staff.

As far as I knew everything was fine and I was awaiting an update on times and roles as the event got closer. The rota came out yesterday and my name was not on there. I messaged in the group to ask if I was still needed and was ignored. The host responded to messages from others before and after mine. I checked and my message has been read. I’m really confused as to why this would be. I have organised my work around this and had to find extra childcare.

When I initially helped out there was one occasion where it was my first time and I turned up and was ignored. I asked what I could do and was told someone would be with me in a minute to assign a job. That never happened and it turned out the host and other staff/volunteers didn’t even know my name. They locked me out by mistake and despite seeing me knocking through the window looked away. I spoke to the host who did apologise and said they didn’t let me back in the building as they didn’t know who I was. I had introduced myself.

I have since volunteered a few times for them without issue.

I can’t think of anything I have done to upset anyone. I’m not in regular contact with he organisation these days as I’m very busy but I do keep up with the volunteers group and always offer.

When I was missed off the rota I assumed I’d been forgotten about but after my message has been ignored I’m not sure.

Im reluctant to message again or contact the host directly because I am very busy with life anyway and if they do not need me that’s fine. I just feel a bit annoyed that I have worked hours for free for them and they are always complaining they can’t get enough volunteers but seemingly ignore willing people.

Aibu?
what would others do?

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 13/05/2023 14:09

I would leave them to it.

ImperfectAlf · 13/05/2023 14:10

YANBU.
Leave them to it. I wouldn't chase them. The payment for volunteering is respect. No respect results in no volunteers.

saz85 · 13/05/2023 14:12

I wouldn't offer again. They are either super disorganised and missed you off the list and are now overwhelmed and overlooked your message. Or for some reason, they don't want you to volunteer.

Either way, it sounds like your busy enough anyway, so is it worth the hassle? Find a group that will accept you happily and keep in touch!

FictionalCharacter · 13/05/2023 14:12

Sounds like they're a clique. If they moan in the future about lack of volunteers, remind them how they treated you.

Allschoolsareartschools · 13/05/2023 14:13

I'd never have gone back after the first experience to be honest.

Changeforachange · 13/05/2023 14:13

I'd forget they exist & find another group to volunteer with.

How unnecessarily rude & cliquey they are. Sorry OP.

EsmeSusanOgg · 13/05/2023 14:13

I'd be inclined, next time they do a public post asking for volunteers, that when you have rearranged your time and offered to help you've just been ignored.

But that might be a bit of the nuclear option.

Spookysnake · 13/05/2023 14:13

Why do you need to ask? Find a better use for your time.

Watchthedoormat · 13/05/2023 14:13

It seems your face doesn't fit.
Rise above it and leave them to it.

megletthesecond · 13/05/2023 14:13

Yanbu. They sound cliquey and disorganised. You've tried your best.

Theunamedcat · 13/05/2023 14:14

Leave them too it don't voulenteer again this happened to me I took it personally and haven't offered again they are now begging people for help with events and I'm not helping

Original poster
Confusedvol · 13/05/2023 14:16

It’s annoying but I guess your all right.

I can only assume they don’t like me. I’m pretty laid back and don’t get involved in the politics, I just do my role and chat politely.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 13/05/2023 14:19

Did anyone actually accept your original offer? You don't say so.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/05/2023 14:23

So it reads to me like you they asked for volunteers, you offered but they didn't acknowledge your offer. Maybe they'd had lots of offers at the same time and didn't need everyone / just missed some accidentally.

Then you rearranged your time to make yourself available - without confirming you were actually needed.

Anyway, the thing is that the people running this event are volunteers. They are buy, they're not professionals, they have no professional duties to anyone, they're just doing their best and they will make mistakes. You can't hold them to the same standard you would a formal charity.

Maybe some of them are cliquey too. Doing their best, being a bit chaotic and some people being cliquey are not mutually exclusive.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/05/2023 14:26

But taking things personally as a first resort is always and usually self-defeating. It's usually a cock-up not a conspiracy.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/05/2023 14:26

ffs '..is always foolish..'

BringMeTea · 13/05/2023 14:28

Fuck 'em OP.

drpet49 · 13/05/2023 14:29

FictionalCharacter · 13/05/2023 14:12

Sounds like they're a clique. If they moan in the future about lack of volunteers, remind them how they treated you.

This

I8toys · 13/05/2023 14:30

EsmeSusanOgg · 13/05/2023 14:13

I'd be inclined, next time they do a public post asking for volunteers, that when you have rearranged your time and offered to help you've just been ignored.

But that might be a bit of the nuclear option.

This ^

Remona · 13/05/2023 14:31

What would I do?

I wouldn’t bother with them anymore. You’ve rearranged things for them and they’re not even acknowledging you? Bugger that. After that first time and you were ignored etc., I wouldn’t have offered a second time.

This is why they’re crying out for volunteers. They clearly couldn’t organise a p*ss up in a brewery.

AdoraBell · 13/05/2023 14:33

YANBU leave them to it and when they say they need you for X date say - sorry, because you replied so late I’m no longer free, hope you find another volunteer.

Itsanotherhreatday · 13/05/2023 14:36

I’m pretty laid back and don’t get involved in the politics, I just do my role and chat politely

I think this is the issue! They want like minded people who get all the gossip and bitch about others - you don’t fit that criteria.

Original poster
Confusedvol · 13/05/2023 14:49

@lottiegarbanzo the organiser’s are paid and are professionals. They just ask for volunteers to help them run their fundraising events. They get paid to do the event but obviously us volunteers don’t. We do it because it helps members of the community to access the organisations services which are support based.

The main host did acknowledge my offer. She messaged me on the group saying thanks, I asked about date and venue and she replied with the details directly to me. This was a few weeks back.

I saw a post from them recently asking for more help.

It’s no problem for me as I said I’m busy with work and children.

OP posts:
Saz12 · 13/05/2023 14:51

Its not an issue with you! Theyre rude.

I work (paid) in a setting which has volunteers. Part of the actual job is to work with volunteers. Remembering names, having them do stuff they both enjoy and needs done, making sure they know we value them is pretty basic stuff.

Id leave another message (as publicly as possible) stating that you're disappointed noone has contacted you to discuss, but that you assume they dont need you despite their earlier request, and will make other plans for that day.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/05/2023 14:57

Oh ok, they have messed up then.

I'd drop them a polite, factual note afterwards outlining what happened - they accepted your offer, then didn't include you on the rota and didn't respond to your message. I'd make it clear it wasn't a big deal to me, I had plenty to fill my time but they might want to be aware of the glitch.

Their response would tell me everything. Brush off or genuine apology.