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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not offer to volunteer ever again

79 replies

Confusedvol · 13/05/2023 14:06

Hi,

AIBU, I probably am but I just feel really annoyed about this.

A local community group run lots of events round here and we have enjoyed many of them as a family. They are not a charity as such as most events are not free and staff are paid but they do offer subsided support services and do fundraisers for this.

They have an upcoming event and put a message out saying they are lacking volunteers to support. It’s the first I’d heard about this event but I immediately responded saying I could help out. It actually means il need to change my work and it would be a full day.
I have helped out before on a few occasions and I get on well with staff.

As far as I knew everything was fine and I was awaiting an update on times and roles as the event got closer. The rota came out yesterday and my name was not on there. I messaged in the group to ask if I was still needed and was ignored. The host responded to messages from others before and after mine. I checked and my message has been read. I’m really confused as to why this would be. I have organised my work around this and had to find extra childcare.

When I initially helped out there was one occasion where it was my first time and I turned up and was ignored. I asked what I could do and was told someone would be with me in a minute to assign a job. That never happened and it turned out the host and other staff/volunteers didn’t even know my name. They locked me out by mistake and despite seeing me knocking through the window looked away. I spoke to the host who did apologise and said they didn’t let me back in the building as they didn’t know who I was. I had introduced myself.

I have since volunteered a few times for them without issue.

I can’t think of anything I have done to upset anyone. I’m not in regular contact with he organisation these days as I’m very busy but I do keep up with the volunteers group and always offer.

When I was missed off the rota I assumed I’d been forgotten about but after my message has been ignored I’m not sure.

Im reluctant to message again or contact the host directly because I am very busy with life anyway and if they do not need me that’s fine. I just feel a bit annoyed that I have worked hours for free for them and they are always complaining they can’t get enough volunteers but seemingly ignore willing people.

Aibu?
what would others do?

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 13/05/2023 14:58

Sound like a bunch of pricks.

Fuck them.

Biscuitea · 13/05/2023 14:59

try not to take it personally, they sound rude and don’t deserve your time

it sounds disorganised and cliquey.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 13/05/2023 15:01

I had a frustrating volunteering experience... I answered a local ad requesting volunteers, had a chat with a lady who sent me a list of jobs that needed doing, I told her which jobs I could do, she invited me to the next meeting to discuss further and meet everyone, at the meeting she handed out the jobs I'd volunteered for to someone else, asked if I wanted to be added to the what's app group, and I never heard from any of them again, not email, WhatsApp nothing.

I didn't bother to chase them up, I spend a lot of my working day chasing around after people and just couldn't face dealing with them.

gamerchick · 13/05/2023 15:09

I wouldn't offered after the first time they were dicks.

conxray · 13/05/2023 15:09

When I initially helped out there was one occasion where it was my first time and I turned up and was ignored. I asked what I could do and was told someone would be with me in a minute to assign a job. That never happened and it turned out the host and other staff/volunteers didn’t even know my name. They locked me out by mistake and despite seeing me knocking through the window looked away. I spoke to the host who did apologise and said they didn’t let me back in the building as they didn’t know who I was. I had introduced myself

Well to be honest, I wouldn't have gone back after that.
I volunteered with a group once - they were desperate for volunteers etc, it was all over social media - and I was treated in a very similar way when I turned up. Didn't get locked out but was completely ignored. Didn't go back.

Evenstar · 13/05/2023 16:04

It sounds very like the PTA at one of my children’s schools, I volunteered for numerous things and was never chosen. It got to the point that my son’s teacher was embarrassed to have to say I wasn’t needed. The PTA clique claimed that names were drawn at random out of those who had offered, but strangely the same names came out every time.

I did stop volunteering and I wouldn’t offer again if I were you.

ShinyShite · 13/05/2023 16:17

I wouldn’t assume the group were cliquey, far more likely that they were simply disorganised.

I’ve volunteered for lots of groups over the years and you’ll get all sorts of people getting involved. Unfortunately, you will get a few paid organisers who are rubbish at doing the job effectively but then, it’s not the sort of role that many high flyers will apply for. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you’re going to volunteer your services, it’s best to leave your ego at home and think of the greater good. Don’t take anything personally and instead focus on the group’s purpose and what you can personally bring to the table.

InYourPocket · 13/05/2023 16:19

I volunteer with animals and absolutely love it. Quite a few others who regularly volunteer with us have told us that they’ve had similar treatment to what you describe when volunteering for other things. I find it awful, when you’re volunteering your time for free.

I definitely wouldn’t bother again OP and I’m very sorry to hear how they’ve treated you.

Please don’t let it put you off volunteering in general though, it’s so worthwhile and I’m sure lots of places would appreciate you and behave like decent humans. 💐

Sparklybutold · 13/05/2023 16:20

This has the feeling of a village group which can be extremely cliquey. No more contact necessary from you. They have been extremely rude in the past and this behaviour alone would be enough for me to withdraw further help. I've experienced something similar and it's always bemusing how cliquey women in these types of groups can be.

DrElectrickery · 13/05/2023 17:27

I gave up on 'organised volunteering'.

DP and I now help with the 'community larder' next to a homeless kitchen, which is a self-regulating experiment. It's basically a massive cupboard on the street. People donate and leave what they can, and take what they think they need. It's in a public place, and gets in a right state, so people like us go along and voluntarily give it a clean-up, fix the hinges and catches, and contribute toward the contents (food, including past-BBE; clothes; blankets; baby things; books & toys; etc).

There's no set commitment.

I find it pretty good for us as we put in as much as we can, when we can.

pecantoucan · 13/05/2023 17:40

Is there anything about you that you think they might be discriminating against?

MacarenaMacarena · 13/05/2023 18:02

I have a similar group near me. Luckily I have joined national and regional groups where my time, skills and efforts are more appreciated.
When I offered the local group (which does good works for the community) a chance to showcase its work at a local event I was organising for a charity, they never replied! Three times! At the (very successful!) event, one of their ladies said how nice it would have been to get an invite for them to participate (!) as well as how they'd like someone like me to join their ranks (!) - erm, I don't think so!!

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 13/05/2023 18:32

I wouldn't volunteer again and I'd let them know how bloody rude they are

PatchworkElmer · 13/05/2023 18:45

Don’t chase again, don’t attend, don’t volunteer again.

Allezvite · 13/05/2023 18:49

ImperfectAlf · 13/05/2023 14:10

YANBU.
Leave them to it. I wouldn't chase them. The payment for volunteering is respect. No respect results in no volunteers.

“The payment for volunteering is respect”

that’s spot on and I’m going to quote that in the future! I’ve had more than one experience turning up to volunteer in response to pleas for help only to be ignored, no one asks for names or introduces themselves or new people to regulars etc. standing like a lemon whilst other people chat isn’t a nice way to feel appreciated!

Bodenesque · 13/05/2023 18:55

How humiliating for you I'd find it very hard to forget being locked down, knocking for attention and being ignored etc.This isn't for you, move on although I'd let them know how I feel.

primoseyellow · 13/05/2023 18:58

Hang on, you were ignored the first time you volunteered as well as people looking at you trying to get their attention and these people pretended they didn't see you!! They probably locked you out on purpose.

I can't stand rude people, I wouldn't have volunteered again and I would have told head office/chairperson etc what happened.

Daleksatemyshed · 13/05/2023 19:09

It's sad but sometimes a group take over and don't really want "outsiders" to join in. They ask for volunteers for forms sake but don't really want anyone else involved. Don't demean yourself Op by asking again, if they really wanted yur help they'd have snapped you up the first time

Original poster
Confusedvol · 13/05/2023 19:31

I just sent a message saying “I’m a bit confused, I thought you were looking for more volunteers for x event. Do you need me to help out?”

OP posts:
madnessitellyou · 13/05/2023 19:35

I had the same thing with the PTA. Arseholes, all of them. I helped out a couple of times but was never spoken to and an hour stint on a stall at the summer fair turned into all day with no break and none of the -bitches- PTA even acknowledged my prescence. Then they ignored me when i volunteered again.

I may or may not have written a slightly disparaging Facebook post on one of their posts when I'd been standing in the playground and a couple of them started talking VERY DELIBERATELY AND VERY LOUDLY about how people were too lazy to help.

Original poster
Confusedvol · 13/05/2023 19:41

@madnessitellyou good for you. I might do the same.

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 13/05/2023 19:47

This sounds like my school PTA. Always desperate for help, apparently. I tried to find information about joining when my DD started the school with no luck. I finally went to a meeting (DD in Y6 now and a couple of others had also tried to join in the past with no luck), I offered help for a couple of things, nothing came of both of them. Then a message went out in the newsletter asking for help with the Christmas discos, I messaged on the FB group offering help, no response, I DMed again no response. I asked in the class WhatsApp if anyone was volunteering and another mum had tried with no response either. When I picked my DD up from the disco I found the chair of the PTA and asked if they'd had enough help and she said not really, I explained myself and others had tried to volunteer. She said she'd add me to the WhatsApp group. Once in that group I offered to help with organising the Y6 hoodies and the leavers party. No help needed. I give up at this point! 🤷

flowertoday · 13/05/2023 20:10

Don't waste any more time on people who are rude and unappreciative.

You are lovely to offer to help BTW. Shame about them.

Original poster
Confusedvol · 13/05/2023 21:24

Got a message back saying that they are hoping to get more volunteers to cover the last bits on the rota but don’t need me. They said they appreciate my offer but that I have helped out a lot and they don’t want to put on me too much.

So they don’t have enough people but don’t want to use me.

Im not oblivious to anything I do but I’m 100 percent certain that I have not done anything wrong or upset anyone. So seems I don’t fit. I’m wondering if it’s because I have the same disability they offer support to. Maybe they don’t want someone like me. Such is life. Il move on.
Im not being big headed or anything but I have experience and professional qualifications that may have been useful to them…..but what can you do.

Gives me more time with my dc.

I may look into offering to volunteer with dogs as suggested early, I have a dog and I’m really confident with animals.

Thanks all for the replies.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 13/05/2023 21:29

Maybe they can sense you’re more capable than their paid selves and resent you?