Aibu to not offer to volunteer ever again

[Confusedvol]

Hi,

AIBU, I probably am but I just feel really annoyed about this.

A local community group run lots of events round here and we have enjoyed many of them as a family. They are not a charity as such as most events are not free and staff are paid but they do offer subsided support services and do fundraisers for this.

They have an upcoming event and put a message out saying they are lacking volunteers to support. It’s the first I’d heard about this event but I immediately responded saying I could help out. It actually means il need to change my work and it would be a full day.
I have helped out before on a few occasions and I get on well with staff.

As far as I knew everything was fine and I was awaiting an update on times and roles as the event got closer. The rota came out yesterday and my name was not on there. I messaged in the group to ask if I was still needed and was ignored. The host responded to messages from others before and after mine. I checked and my message has been read. I’m really confused as to why this would be. I have organised my work around this and had to find extra childcare.

When I initially helped out there was one occasion where it was my first time and I turned up and was ignored. I asked what I could do and was told someone would be with me in a minute to assign a job. That never happened and it turned out the host and other staff/volunteers didn’t even know my name. They locked me out by mistake and despite seeing me knocking through the window looked away. I spoke to the host who did apologise and said they didn’t let me back in the building as they didn’t know who I was. I had introduced myself.

I have since volunteered a few times for them without issue.

I can’t think of anything I have done to upset anyone. I’m not in regular contact with he organisation these days as I’m very busy but I do keep up with the volunteers group and always offer.

When I was missed off the rota I assumed I’d been forgotten about but after my message has been ignored I’m not sure.

Im reluctant to message again or contact the host directly because I am very busy with life anyway and if they do not need me that’s fine. I just feel a bit annoyed that I have worked hours for free for them and they are always complaining they can’t get enough volunteers but seemingly ignore willing people.

Aibu?
what would others do?

I was ghosted by a charity that I spend 5 days a week volunteering for during lockdown and actually helped set up! fuck 'em.

@AxolotlOnions thats awful. So sorry that happened. They don’t deserve you.

@mainsfed i don’t think spas I have just been pretty laid back and done what needs doing when there.

I think it’s because I have a disability. You get use to it but it does hurt still.

So no spas ……this phone has a mind of its own at times.

That's really crappy of them @Confusedvol. Such a shame when toxic people invade things like this, it should be the nice side of humanity not a bunch of twats.

Don't waste any of your precious time with these people.

I'd make sure it is well know they only want volunteers if " your face fits " awful people.!

This x 100.

I'd give this bunch a swerve and choose a better organisation.

I've been volunteering in a particular role for over 30 years now. I've been volunteering since I was 14 . The respect is much less so I am seriously considering finding something else.
It's not a lot to ask, I think.

I wouldn't volunteer again and I'd leave the group, plus block them on WhatsApp. Probably they are a clique and moan about lack of support but actually aren't welcoming. Your treatment seems awful.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Yes there are some organisations that are so cliquey either your face fits or it doesn't.

It's absolutely unforgivable that you have volunteered, chased it up to show you're serious, they still need volunteers and yet they've turned down your offer for a reason that is not actually their decision to make.

Poor. Very poor.

There are plenty of organisations who would appreciate your help. Please find another which deserves your time.

I wouldn't have gone back after the first experience of being ignored. You're a
saint for going back again and again, this should definitely be your final attempt.

Their behaviour towards you sounds weird. Either they don't like you and do not welcome your help, or they are very disorganised and thoughtless. Whichever it is, they don't deserve your help. If they are so desperate for volunteers, they need to do better than this.

I would stop making the effort for them and if you really want to volunteer then do it for an organisation that recognises and appreciates your help and ensures that you are welcomed and supported.

If they have a proper governance set-up with a committee it may be worth contacting them about your experiences. It may be that one or two are gatekeeping and cliquey and it’s worth shining a light on how they’re running things. Only if you have the headspace of course. Sometimes just walking away and knowing it’s definitely them and not you is the better option.

They sound cliquey and far from inclusive, personally wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole. Find a more appreciative, warm, engaging charity to volunteer for. This lot don’t deserve you.

I once volunteered to help on the Cardiff fun run and was ignored so I didn't bother again. Their loss.

Sounds like bad volunteer management to me, but also, within the sector Volunteers Going Rogue is definitely a thing. Not saying this is you, but I've dealt with volunteers who really wanted to do a role, but were shit at it - e.g. rude to the general public, accidentally destroying something they were suppose to look after, not following instructions. However, normally you'd try to find the volunteer a role that does suit.

So I'm guessing either:
A. The organisation are cliquey knobs.
B. They don't think you're very good at the role hence the excuse of "they appreciate my offer but that I have helped out a lot and they don’t want to put on me too much".
C. They can't be arsed to find you a role that would suit you (or they don't have any other roles).
D. They're terrible at monitoring messages, staff are overstretched, internal communication is terrible.

Whichever way, I'd find somewhere else to volunteer.

P.s. never volunteer anywhere you don't feel valued.

The payment for Volunteering is SELF respect.

Leave your ego out of the situation and don’t look for validation from others. The best volunteers are the ones who quietly get on with stuff instead of trying to make everything about them.

I'm not sure this is an appropriate response to someone who has been prevented from volunteering, quite possibly on the basis of a disability..... <understatement>

Wow. How about turning up to get on with something with no ego in sight, only to be ignored while the regulars chat, no one says hello, no one introduces themselves or asks your name or tells you their name when you introduce yourself.

No one says thank you, no one says goodbye and thanks for coming and hope you can help again soon. The regulars talk about who’s off to the pub afterwards and it’s clear you’re not included in that.

So if the payment is self respect why on earth would anyone go back to help a second time?! No one with an ounce of self respect would feel that they should bother with that sort of set up again no matter how worthy the work you just did.

@Allezvite
So if the payment is self respect why on earth would anyone go back to help a second time?! No one with an ounce of self respect would feel that they should bother with that sort of set up again no matter how worthy the work you just did.

That’s not having self respect, that’s seeking validation and wanting your ego massaged.

Self respect in this regard IS all about the worthiness of the work you’ve done. So what if the other volunteers ignore you or even criticise your efforts? That doesn’t actually diminish what you’ve achieved, does it?

If you go through life measuring your worth based on the opinions of others, you’re very likely to feel undervalued, because others don’t always respond in ways we’d like them to. Instead of feeling hurt, angry or frustrated and wanting to retaliate by not volunteering ever again, maybe accept that most humans have character flaws and keep choosing to doing things to improve your own sense of self worth.

@ShinyShite I can only hope that you are not a volunteer manager. Validation of volunteers is really important. Volunteers' motivations are mostly social - they want to meet new people or make friends. Worthiness etc is, for most people, much further down the list of motivations. Good volunteer managers know this and keep people motivated.

@Agapornis

Spot on!

For a lot of people if you're treated like crap when volunteering you're going to feel like you weren't doing a good job. It would take someone quite self assured and confident to feel they're achieving good work in a situation like that, not everyone who volunteers is going to be at that stage with it.

As an ex charity shop manager, I always made sure my volunteers felt appreciated. Always took the time to thank them at the end of their shift. Held staff meetings so that they could give their input. It worked very well. They felt appreciated and valued. That's how it should be

Leave it and volunteer somewhere else instead. Sounds really bad organisation and best avoided.