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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sexual comments around baby

97 replies

RK10 · 13/05/2023 11:39

Name change as this may be outing and I don't want it linked to other posts.

I have a very young baby, am not with her Dad. He's not very active in her life and has only seen her a few times since she was born. She can't be away from me yet as she's too young.

He recently came to see her. While he was holding her she sneezed. He commented "oh she just had one eight of an orgasm".

I asked him what he meant and he explained that's what a sneeze was... I was hmmm as it made me uncomfortable that he was relating an orgasm to our baby.

Later on she yawned and he poked his finger in her mouth and said "yawn rape"... I again asked him what he meant and he acted like I was odd for not having heard the term "yawn rape" before.

I told him I wasn't comfortable with him using those words around the baby. He said I'm unreasonable as she can't understand.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Irishmammy2022 · 14/05/2023 10:19

NBU at all… I would tell him that it’s wrong and if he doesn’t apologise or agree to change then don’t be around him anymore..

Riri24 · 14/05/2023 10:35

Agree with others that you need professional advice. There is a child protection page on the Citizens Advice website which might be a good start. These comments are really upsetting and disturbing and I would want to cut all contact too, but I think its important you understand the best legal way protect your baby. Just messaging him directly now might give him a headstart on this.

Riri24 · 14/05/2023 10:37

Also, I'm so sorry you are in this situation OP. You sound like a great mum and youre trying to protect your child as best you can, this isn't your fault.

TheGuv1982 · 14/05/2023 11:21

He sounds like an absolute nonce. Keep him well clear of yours, and any other child.

scorpiogirly · 14/05/2023 11:22

Do not let that baby out of your sight around him.

Whiteroomjoy · 14/05/2023 11:31

Here’s a question, maybe even ask him.
if the baby was a boy would he have still made the same comment or done the same thing of finger inside yawning mouth?

Original poster
RK10 · 14/05/2023 11:45

@Whiteroomjoy the "yawn rape" thing, maybe, as he seemed to think that was a funny joke and I now know it's off a TV show.

The comments about an orgasm and boobs I doubt he would have said if baby were a boy.

OP posts:
Original poster
RK10 · 14/05/2023 11:45

Thank you for that link @FayCarew

OP posts:
Whiteroomjoy · 14/05/2023 11:53

RK10 · 14/05/2023 11:45

@Whiteroomjoy the "yawn rape" thing, maybe, as he seemed to think that was a funny joke and I now know it's off a TV show.

The comments about an orgasm and boobs I doubt he would have said if baby were a boy.

So, it’s not a random joke. It’s specifically sexualising his baby daughter. That doesn’t come out of no where.
id be talking to police about it frankly

FarmGirl78 · 14/05/2023 11:56

RK10 · 13/05/2023 12:01

What should I do, should I tell him this is why I'm stopping contact?

He's not been around much but I think he would take me to court to get on the BC.

He can take you to court to get his name on the birth certificate.

However they would be a separate issue to having contact with her. You'd just refuse so contact and if he applies to court to see her you'd just put on the initial forms he'd made sexualised comments about rape and orgasms towards your baby. This sounds immediately trigger CAFCASS involvement, a safeguarding flag, and any contact would have to be supervised in a contact centre. Likely supervised by someone long term, even if he progressed passed the contact centre.

girlfriend44 · 14/05/2023 11:56

Somewhere else on the Web, someone is asking about her partner asking her son if he has hair on his balls yet.

Why do ppl need to ask strangers why font they know its weird.

DrManhattan · 14/05/2023 11:56

Almost daily there is a post about someone having a baby with a total arsehole. Why do people have such low standards. Op don't let him near your baby, he sounds awful.

FarmGirl78 · 14/05/2023 11:58

RK10 · 14/05/2023 11:45

@Whiteroomjoy the "yawn rape" thing, maybe, as he seemed to think that was a funny joke and I now know it's off a TV show.

The comments about an orgasm and boobs I doubt he would have said if baby were a boy.

The 'yawn rape' thing is a good few years old now, and I don't think the comedian (Russell Howard) would be stupid enough to do it again these days. Its just a big no over the last couple of years.

ThingsthatgoBumpintheDay · 14/05/2023 12:01

The first comment had me like 🤔wtf then the yawn rape just sealed the deal that he is actually disgusting. Bad enough saying that to an adult never mind a bloody baby/child. 100% testing the waters to see if you’ll pick up on his comments & probably hoping you won’t so he can take it further. Protect your baby x

Original poster
RK10 · 14/05/2023 12:11

@girlfriend44 I've said in my opening post how uncomfortable it made me. Implying that there is something wrong with me or off about me because I've asked on here is quite low. I know it's AIBU but I clearly care about my baby and I'm trying to protect her. I'm a single mum with a new baby and an ex trying to tell me I'm overreacting.

@DrManhattan I don't think many people would foresee their ex making sexualised comments towards their baby. Yes I should have chosen a better dad clearly but she's here now.

OP posts:
YouNeverSeeTheRealMe · 14/05/2023 12:12

He's an absolute moron. What possessed you to have a child with such a cretin? Get rid.

girlfriend44 · 14/05/2023 12:18

RK10 · 14/05/2023 12:11

@girlfriend44 I've said in my opening post how uncomfortable it made me. Implying that there is something wrong with me or off about me because I've asked on here is quite low. I know it's AIBU but I clearly care about my baby and I'm trying to protect her. I'm a single mum with a new baby and an ex trying to tell me I'm overreacting.

@DrManhattan I don't think many people would foresee their ex making sexualised comments towards their baby. Yes I should have chosen a better dad clearly but she's here now.

Whys it low?
Your gut instinct should tell you it's wrong, same as the one I mentioned about a man asking stepson if he had hairy balls?
What happened before the internet?

Original poster
RK10 · 14/05/2023 12:25

@girlfriend44 I've said straight away how uncomfortable it made me.

You're implying there is something wrong with me.

I don't know what people did before the internet, but for various reasons I'm fairly isolated and am grateful to places like mumsnet for support/advice.

OP posts:
Spottycarousel · 14/05/2023 12:26

Having a go at op is unfair. People can be incredibly manipulative at convincing others they are overreacting. It's natural to want reassurance and support in horrible situations like these. Op shouldn't be shamed for it or for having a baby- I didn't choose a great dad for my ds but I was in a bad place then and we don't always realise the red flags.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/05/2023 14:08

RK10 · 14/05/2023 09:43

@Awwlookatmybabyspider why would I make something like this up about my baby daughter???

He's not on the BC as we split up and he wasn't that supportive during the pregnancy. I registered her myself I didn't even tell him.

But I know he could take me to court to get on the BC if he wanted to.

I could be wrong but I have a feeling he could potentially do this.

No I meant how true it is wether or not they have no rights if their name is not on the BC. I wasn't saying I didn't believe you about his name not being on your baby's BC.

Original poster
RK10 · 14/05/2023 16:25

@Awwlookatmybabyspider I do apologise, I read it as you thought my thread wasn't true!

OP posts:
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