Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sexual comments around baby

97 replies

RK10 · 13/05/2023 11:39

Name change as this may be outing and I don't want it linked to other posts.

I have a very young baby, am not with her Dad. He's not very active in her life and has only seen her a few times since she was born. She can't be away from me yet as she's too young.

He recently came to see her. While he was holding her she sneezed. He commented "oh she just had one eight of an orgasm".

I asked him what he meant and he explained that's what a sneeze was... I was hmmm as it made me uncomfortable that he was relating an orgasm to our baby.

Later on she yawned and he poked his finger in her mouth and said "yawn rape"... I again asked him what he meant and he acted like I was odd for not having heard the term "yawn rape" before.

I told him I wasn't comfortable with him using those words around the baby. He said I'm unreasonable as she can't understand.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
RK10 · 13/05/2023 19:40

I've remember that when we were bathing her, he also commented that it was "weird touching her boobs".

I said she doesn't haven't any, and he said "you know what I mean, where they will be".

OP posts:
Whatkindofuckeryisthis · 13/05/2023 19:43

First of all is he 12?! What an absolute cretin! Secondly cut him off completely!

Spottycarousel · 13/05/2023 19:53

RK10 · 13/05/2023 19:40

I've remember that when we were bathing her, he also commented that it was "weird touching her boobs".

I said she doesn't haven't any, and he said "you know what I mean, where they will be".

He's creepy. Don't leave your baby alone with him EVER

FayCarew · 13/05/2023 19:55

Oh @RK10 , I'd be checking Clare's Law on him, and would be looking at stopping all contact. Your most recent post is beyond worrying.

JMSA · 13/05/2023 20:03

What the actual fuck? Shock

Original poster
RK10 · 13/05/2023 21:03

He doesn't seem to get that it's not right, and keeps saying I can't take a joke.

Clare's law is a good idea.

OP posts:
Username9917 · 13/05/2023 21:07

He sounds disgusting. Absolutely skin crawlingly repulsive.

Clipboard007 · 13/05/2023 21:30

Utterly vile and inappropriate that he would think these things around a baby. Cut contact as soon as possible.

PonyPatter44 · 13/05/2023 21:37

He's very inappropriate, and clearly can't behave properly around children. I'd tell the pathetic nonce to take you to court for contact.

StrawberryWater · 13/05/2023 21:40

He is disgusting. Do all you can to cut contact with this creep and if you can’t 100% supervised contact.

MsGrumpytrousers · 13/05/2023 21:57

RK10 · 13/05/2023 19:40

I've remember that when we were bathing her, he also commented that it was "weird touching her boobs".

I said she doesn't haven't any, and he said "you know what I mean, where they will be".

Sexualising children is what paedophiles do. This is not normal behaviour.

TunnocksOrDeath · 13/05/2023 22:07

Write it down. Date. Time. Context. Words. What you said about it. What his reaction was. You may need details if you decide you need to cut contact at some point. Keep records.

Maray1967 · 13/05/2023 22:36

HollyBookBlue · 13/05/2023 11:47

Your title says "sexual comments around baby" but that isn't what's happening here. What he's doing is making sexual comments towards your baby. That's disgusting and worrying.

Exactly this. Appalling - he needs to understand how vile this is. Anyone who said ‘yawn rape’ around my baby would be out of the door.

Ghastisflabbered · 13/05/2023 22:42

RK10 · 13/05/2023 19:40

I've remember that when we were bathing her, he also commented that it was "weird touching her boobs".

I said she doesn't haven't any, and he said "you know what I mean, where they will be".

This is repulsive.

Your previous posts show him at best to be an immature teenager who thinks rape jokes are funny.

But the latest actually makes my skin crawl and my stomach turn. You need to cut contact and if you seriously think he will take you to court to get on the BC then you need to speak to a solicitor about how to prevent that.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/05/2023 23:01

I hate to say this but he sounds paedophilac to me. Thank God he's not on the BC. The creepy disgusting C U next Tuesday.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/05/2023 23:04

TunnocksOrDeath · 13/05/2023 22:07

Write it down. Date. Time. Context. Words. What you said about it. What his reaction was. You may need details if you decide you need to cut contact at some point. Keep records.

It's not really a case of if she "decides" to cut contact. She has no choice other than to cut contact. There's no ifs buts or maybes about it.

Original poster
RK10 · 14/05/2023 08:07

I will speak to a solicitor. But I don't see how I could stop him getting any access at all if he does take me to court? My understanding is many abusive fathers get access to their kids... tbh it really scares me.

OP posts:
CannotDoThisAnymore · 14/05/2023 08:49

Wow all of these comments from him and the boobs one 😱 what must he think when hes changing the nappy, i can guess whats going through his head if thats what he says about the boob area. Absolutely disgusting. Id give no unsupervised access. Very worrying.

Original poster
RK10 · 14/05/2023 08:57

I feel like I'm giving a massive drip feed here with the boob comment I remembered, now I've remembered something else. When we were changing her nappy and she was kicking around he said "she likes to be naked like her Mum". I think he thinks he's funny taking a dig at me maybe but in the context of other comments I feel so icky.

OP posts:
CannotDoThisAnymore · 14/05/2023 09:19

Make a note of all these and any future ones and mention to the NSPCC when you speak to them. All a bit odd

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/05/2023 09:30

How true this is I'm not sure but I believe if theyre not on the BC they have no Parental rights.

Original poster
RK10 · 14/05/2023 09:43

@Awwlookatmybabyspider why would I make something like this up about my baby daughter???

He's not on the BC as we split up and he wasn't that supportive during the pregnancy. I registered her myself I didn't even tell him.

But I know he could take me to court to get on the BC if he wanted to.

I could be wrong but I have a feeling he could potentially do this.

OP posts:
Spottycarousel · 14/05/2023 09:44

Is there any way you could record him secretly on your phone while he's with baby so you might have evidence of his comments? I know it's difficult with contact as he's likely to get some if he goes through court.

CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 09:46

The thing is you have no proof so court would add him and give him contact, you could record him but I’m not sure court would accept this

Original poster
RK10 · 14/05/2023 09:49

Because I've pulled him up in it now I doubt that he will make these comments in front of me again but you never know... I suppose he did make 4 in the space of a few hours.

I'd have to record the whole visit? And not sure if it would be accepted by the court.

He has a lot more money than me so could afford a good solicitor if he wanted.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread