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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours letting their baby cry for hours at night

90 replies

Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 13/05/2023 03:37

It’s 3.30am. The neighbours 1 year old whose bedroom is clearly in the room next to mine (we are in a terrace) has been crying for 2 hours. The noise woke me up and I have been unable to get back to sleep.

Aibu to think it’s totally unacceptable to let your child scream for 2 hours. Apart from it being really awful for the child who is clearly distressed, it’s also awful to listen to and also has probably woken up the neighbours on the other side too. It’s not the first time either by a long way.

I don’t know if I should go & speak to them about it tomorrow.

OP posts:
Yummymummy2020 · 13/05/2023 03:42

Honestly I can’t imagine just leaving a child cry like that(I have two toddlers). The only thing I will say, is it possible they were trying to calm the child down and you couldn’t hear that as the crying would be so much louder? In saying that they could also be doing the whole cry it out thing. You are not unreasonable to think it’s bad to leave them crying two hours though, I couldn’t do it. I don’t know About saying it to them, that could go either direction and I guess it depends on how well you get on with them and just how frequent this is happening!

Dunnoburt · 13/05/2023 03:43

Could be night terrors? I had this issue with my LO used to go on for hours at night and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

Dunnoburt · 13/05/2023 03:45

You have my sympathy though BTW! I hope peace resumes soon!

Original poster
Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 13/05/2023 03:46

@Yummymummy2020 yea maybe it’s not a good idea to say anything- I am feeling a bit unreasonable as I am knackered and it’s been constant. They are definitely not with him though as I can normally hear them too. It happens a lot but this has been the worst for ages

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 13/05/2023 03:47

@Dunnoburt thanks! Still going at the moment - it’s awful 😞

OP posts:
Buttonsandlace · 13/05/2023 04:11

I would report this. That baby may need help. My Mum used to say when I was a baby she would leave me downstairs crying\screaming and go to bed. It took a neighbour to finally notice there was something wrong when I was around three before I was seen by a doctor. Turns out I had been in pain since birth. Anyway the last time I caught my Mum laughing and telling someone to just leave a baby to cry I let rip at her about how negligent she had been. She's not said it again.

PaintingTheSky · 13/05/2023 04:32

I sympathise op, but if it's not an every night occurrence then it's hard to say just what's happening.
My youngest was a screamer, barely slept and let the world and his dog know about it through the power of lungs.
We did everything humanely possible to stop the screaming, but nothing worked, there was no medical reason for it either.
Maybe this is the case with your neighbours baby? I'm sure the parents don't like being kept awake all night either.
Maybe you could have a kind of jokey conversation with the mum to try and guage if it's deliberate or not? Something like blimey, your baby has got a pair of lungs and half, how on earth do you cope?
See what her reaction is.

EllandRd · 13/05/2023 04:34

It's a baby and that's what babies do.

SugarHorse · 13/05/2023 04:38

EllandRd · 13/05/2023 04:34

It's a baby and that's what babies do.

That's very easy for you to say when you're not in the thick of it like the OP is.

bussteward · 13/05/2023 04:39

Are you sure they’re not doing something? DD used to cry for hours even when we were there with her. She still has night terror episodes where there’s little we can do about the noise.

Cookiecrumblepie · 13/05/2023 04:40

Babies cry because they want something or are distressed. It’s not normal to just leave a baby screaming for hours. Poor baby. Can you report this to child services if it continues?

WeekendInTheBoondocks · 13/05/2023 05:20

Put some white noise on while this is going on. Who knows the baby’s reasons for the continuous crying, it could be that she’s inconsolable and the parents are doing all they can. I would pop round and tell them how the sound is keeping you awake, you can’t get a clearer picture of what sort of people the parents are than actually talking to them. I have a six month old (who thankfully isn’t a cryer - yet!) but I would be mortified if I thought he was disturbing a neighbour like this.

frankgu · 13/05/2023 05:24

One of mine was a screamer & if she went for it no amount of cuddling, singing, milk, etc which of course I did would soothe her. She would just stop from exhaustion.

autienotnaughtym · 13/05/2023 05:48

It's not normal for a baby to continuously cry. It could be being left or in pain. I would report it , people have thus view of not getting others in to trouble but it's not about that. It's a bout making sure the baby is safe and the parents are supported. If there is nothing wrong nothing further will happen.

SparklyBlackKitten · 13/05/2023 05:54

@Buttonsandlace you would report this?? What the?
If it happens time after time. You would first confront your neighbours!
And if you then feel there's a case of neglect THEN you report

Not straight away jeez.
The kid could just be sick
Or the parent. Or God knows what

Some baby's even cry when you are in the room ...🤐

pecantoucan · 13/05/2023 05:58

I think personally I would go round and say you were just wondering how they were getting on with the baby as you noticed a lot of crying at night - you're just checking everything is OK. They might then be really embarrassed and say ah yes sorry baby has been xyz which will explain it satisfactorily to you.

Wfhandbored · 13/05/2023 06:00

Those saying they would report, please visit your neighbour first and speak to them. See the child yourself as you may be reporting a completely happy child who has bad nights. My 2yo is going through a really hard clingy stage where if she wakes in the night and me or her dad don't get in her bed she cries and cries, sometimes screams for literally hours till she conks out. We mostly give in because it upsets me her getting so upset. But they may be going through something similar and trying to break the cycle.

Rachldn · 13/05/2023 06:00

Sorry OP, that sounds very tough, but I feel sorry to the poor parents and the baby too. I can’t imagine anyone got any sleep. Baby could be teething? I would suggest being kind and giving the benefit of the doubt this time, maybe get some ear plugs and white noise prepared just in case it happens again? Hope you have a better night tonight!

madeleine85 · 13/05/2023 06:00

It could be night terrors. Our older one had them from around age 2 for 6 months. Complete inconsolable screaming. No way to stop it. I was sure the police would show up one night. She got through them but it was truly horrible to sit through at the time as she was in a dream and we really couldnt stop her screams.

KCIII · 13/05/2023 06:03

How do you know the baby is not sick?

If this is not regular and has woken you up, can’t believe the parents have managed to sleep through and it’s deliberate.

marshmallowsforbreakfast · 13/05/2023 06:07

Blimey babies cry, it's annoying but it's just life living in a terraced house. My DC had night terrors and no amount of me rocking and cuddling could calm them. I used to worry terribly about what people must think. Sometimes babies are inconsolable despite all your efforts. Do you have any other concerns?

Splat92 · 13/05/2023 06:07

I had one child who screamed for hours on end. Went to sleep school etc and it didn't help. If I had a neighbour come and complain about it when there was nothing I could do it would have tipped me over the edge.

seven201 · 13/05/2023 06:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Optionshighlights · 13/05/2023 06:13

@Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 you have my sympathy, it is awful being disturbed by neighbours noise…even worse at 3.30am.

Since becoming a mother I realise that some things are out of your control. Maybe go round and see if there’s anything you can do to help rather than complain. Nothing big but they might appreciate a cup of tea and a chat with you. I was lonely, anxious and really struggled in the early stages and loved it when neighbours or family popped by to just see me and talk about things.

Sorry if I’ve got the situation wrong, just saying what I know now vs how irritating I would have found it 4 years ago!! 💐

seven201 · 13/05/2023 06:13

Apologies. Wrong threat. I'll report myself

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