Page 3 | Neighbours letting their baby cry for hours at night

SherbetDips · 13/05/2023 07:33

They’re probably sleep training, it can be a bit rough the first week or so.

Pranadds · 13/05/2023 07:36

How do you know they’re ‘letting her’ cry. They could be there holding her? My one year old has been unwell recently and she has been screaming her head off at night, I’m there holding her and rocking her the whole time but my neighbours wouldn’t know this would they.

startrek90 · 13/05/2023 07:36

Isthisexpected · 13/05/2023 06:15

I'm sure people will tell you that you don't know the full story blah blah blah but I think the only reason a child would be this distressed for that long if being comforted appropriately and distracted etc is illness, in which case it wouldn't have happened before.

It's usually possible to soothe a very distressed one year old with changing rooms, putting the lights on, music, a soothing toy or book etc. So to me I think hours of screaming is in response to a parenting decision.

I'd definitely ask how the baby is doing today and if they don't say sick, I'd report on the basis that you have said "it's not the first time by a long shot". They need parenting input and are possibly being neglectful. If you don't want to risk comeback I'd report and not say anything.

With respect, your are talking nonsense. First off babies get sick more than once, my DS practically spent his first year and a half sick and screaming... And there was nothing I could do except hold him.

Secondly if the baby is experiencing night terrors then stimulation like lights on, singing etc make it worse in my experience. My DS (the same one who used to get ill) was like this. He could (and still can!) Scream for hours. It's horrible for absolutely everyone. I went to drs, specialists etc and no one had any advice. Incidentally my DS started having these episodes around a year old, he's now been diagnosed with ASD and the Dr told me that night disturbances like this are very common in children with ASD.

Saying parents are neglectful because the baby is crying is nonsense. The op has no idea what they are doing. I am glad you had an easy time, but not all of us where so lucky.

OP, I think you should maybe go around there this morning and ask what's going on. Be polite and sympathetic and just see. If it's night terrors or something like that then I am afraid there is not much the parents or you can do so I would suggest earplugs.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/05/2023 07:37

If this is a one off then at 1yr possibly sleep training

See how tonight goes

The. Maybe knock and say you heard them crying a lot if everything ok

Do you usually see your neighbours /say hello etx

Saniflo · 13/05/2023 07:39

This is madness. Calling social services because you hear a baby crying at night?!?! Wtf. Babies cry. Sometimes they cry for ages even when you are holding them. Get a grip OP.

TeddyBeans · 13/05/2023 07:42

DS went through a sleep regression around a year and it was absolute hell. It didn't matter what we did he would scream and cry for hours every night. What made it worse was we were in a flat so we had neighbours everywhere. It took him a good 3 months to get past it and I spent 3 months on edge waiting for one of the neighbours to complain about the noise. Luckily noone did because I'm sure people realise babies cry.

We're in a different flat now with baby DD and I'm already starting to worry about if she'll hit the same sleep regression and pray that she's not as bad as her brother was if she does 🤷‍♀️

grayhairdontcare · 13/05/2023 07:43

I had this a few years back .
We are also in a terrace and the baby cried every night from 250 till 440, for weeks.
I was absolutely exhausted.
The neighbours actually knocked on to apologise after 3 nights of crying.
She looked absolutely exhausted and very emotional and embarrassed.
I told her we were all deep sleepers and hadn't really heard anything and not to worry.
Figured she didn't need the added pressure of pissed off neighbours on top of what she was dealing with.
It was a tough time but it didn't last forever.

Original poster

Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 13/05/2023 07:43

Thanks for all the comments & perspectives. i am bloody knackered!!

The neighbours have 2 kids of age 3 & around 1. It’s by no means the first time- once my kids were on sleepovers & my partner & I went to a gig & got back late. That time we had 2 hours of the mother screaming at her older child as he wouldn’t go to sleep. It was really awful - he was crying & clearly wanted to be with the parents but she kept going up to the loft room after shouting at him & then slamming door.

So there is history here - I don’t think she’s coping. It happens in the day too- she has had to give up her career in the short term & I don’t think she likes being at home. I have talked to her.

So I do have sympathy as I know how hard it is. But she also is constantly shouting at them, is slightly passive aggressive with them etc. We hear a lot of it.

I guess I am a bit at the end of my sympathy as it’s now 3 years of it - I just wanted to knock on the wall last night & shout ‘comfort your child’!!

OP posts:

SuddenlySingle11 · 13/05/2023 07:46

My DS had glue ear. He barely slept, I was like a waking zombie. He use to scream on and off most the night

Dustyblue · 13/05/2023 07:46

I do sympathise OP. Constant noise when you're desperate for sleep can be torturous.

But imagine if your baby was the one causing the noise and there was NOTHING YOU COULD DO TO MAKE IT STOP.

I had that baby. Thank goodness I live on a suburban block with some space between houses, but I was still worried about the neighbours.

Unless you know them fairly well, approach at your own risk. What with the sleep deprivation and high anxiety over "why won't he stop crying" I would've taken your freaking head off.

PifandHercule · 13/05/2023 07:51

Maybe they are weaning off breastfeeding. How long has this been going on? If you do speak to them just be gentle and have empathy as it’s most likely they are also distressed seeing their baby crying for so long (unless they are heartless monsters).
We are preparing to start night weaning and we have a very strong willed toddler and we are bracing ourselves for a week of sleepless nights. Planning to give the neighboroughs the heads up so they don’t call Social Services….

toddlermom99 · 13/05/2023 07:52

You're judging without even knowing the facts. When my toddler had his leg amputated he would cry all night, even in his sleep. I would lie in his bed with him comforting him and stroking his hair but there was nothing I could do (apart from top up on the morphine etc) that would help. You don't know the situation, this baby could be sick, be having night terrors, she could be sat there holding and rocking that baby and you can't hear that over the crying etc. I understand your frustration but I can guarantee the mother feels even more stressed out.

Isthisexpected · 13/05/2023 07:53

Well there you go then. Report the family so she can get some support. Children suffer with shouty parents. Do something.

bigknickersbigknockers · 13/05/2023 07:54

Unfortunate but babies do have these awful sleepless night but one of the parents should take the crying baby downstairs to minimise the disturbance for her family and the neighbours. Its just common curtesy

AlltheFs · 13/05/2023 08:00

I’d flag it to social services, let them check.
Some babies cry no matter what the parents do.
But all the abused children that died at the hands of their parents after months of abuse, the ones left with fractures, bruising. The ones being sexually abused, starved, beaten. Those babies cried and people ignored it and left the parents to it.
Just think about that.
Children are killed because people think it is none of their business. We are all responsible for safeguarding. There’s no harm in an erroneous report.

DustyLee123 · 13/05/2023 08:08

I would be having a word. They should be taking the child downstairs so as not to disturb others. If it doesn’t resolve then I’d be contacting SS.

AnneBerlin · 13/05/2023 08:12

My twins used to scream and scream when they were around 1, and some nights nothing I did would settle them. I always worried what the neighbours were thinking and felt so awful about it 😫
Can you try having some white noise on, OP?

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/05/2023 08:15

Ok your update about shouting at 3yr and leaving to cry for hours means not a one off

Talk to them and then Yes call ss.

OlympicProcrastinator · 13/05/2023 08:17

I'm sure people will tell you that you don't know the full story blah blah blah but I think the only reason a child would be this distressed for that long if being comforted appropriately and distracted etc is illness, in which case it wouldn't have happened before

With respect, you’re talking rubbish. That might have been YOUR experience but I’ve had a baby that cried because they woke up and were tired but cried and screamed more if you tried to touch them or shush them as she got annoyed. That went on for months. I just had to lay next to her to let her know I was there because touching her at all would set off more angry cries.

I’ve also had plenty of nights when one of mine cried for a couple of hours solid while I paced up and down, stroked them and shushed them when they were absolutely fine. Lots of babies go through that stage.

If I were in a terraced house, I can’t see how a neighbour would know I was in there stroking and quietly murmuring to a baby either. Especially being drowned out by screams.

glittereyelash · 13/05/2023 08:19

It's a tough one I had a child who cried relentlessly sometimes for 8 to 12 hours solid. Nothing we did made any difference. I was always worried someone would ring social services but our neighbours were so kind and supportive. It's hell listening to a child cry 😢

ichundich · 13/05/2023 08:20

Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 13/05/2023 03:37

It’s 3.30am. The neighbours 1 year old whose bedroom is clearly in the room next to mine (we are in a terrace) has been crying for 2 hours. The noise woke me up and I have been unable to get back to sleep.

Aibu to think it’s totally unacceptable to let your child scream for 2 hours. Apart from it being really awful for the child who is clearly distressed, it’s also awful to listen to and also has probably woken up the neighbours on the other side too. It’s not the first time either by a long way.

I don’t know if I should go & speak to them about it tomorrow.

I agree with you OP, but MN is very pro crying it out.

Rockbird · 13/05/2023 08:25

Well that was a drip feed 🙄

Justalittlebitduckling · 13/05/2023 08:26

How do you know they’re leaving the baby alone?

NewDogOwner · 13/05/2023 08:27

How do you know the baby isn't being held and rocked but still crying?

Emotionaleating · 13/05/2023 08:32

Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 13/05/2023 07:43

Thanks for all the comments & perspectives. i am bloody knackered!!

The neighbours have 2 kids of age 3 & around 1. It’s by no means the first time- once my kids were on sleepovers & my partner & I went to a gig & got back late. That time we had 2 hours of the mother screaming at her older child as he wouldn’t go to sleep. It was really awful - he was crying & clearly wanted to be with the parents but she kept going up to the loft room after shouting at him & then slamming door.

So there is history here - I don’t think she’s coping. It happens in the day too- she has had to give up her career in the short term & I don’t think she likes being at home. I have talked to her.

So I do have sympathy as I know how hard it is. But she also is constantly shouting at them, is slightly passive aggressive with them etc. We hear a lot of it.

I guess I am a bit at the end of my sympathy as it’s now 3 years of it - I just wanted to knock on the wall last night & shout ‘comfort your child’!!

That’s really distressing. I honestly don’t know what I’d do. Poor kids.

I’d report them - maybe then the mother might get some support.

Is the mother an outwardly nice person?