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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this inappropriate? I feel a bit embarrassed

75 replies

milkydress · 12/05/2023 22:32

Went on a date with a man I met online. We had a lovely time and I just didn't want it to end - I really don't think he did either. He had parked his car on my street so he walked back with me. As he was about to leave I asked if he wanted to have a cup of tea with me. He said he did...we had tea nothing happened and he left after about 1.5 hrs. Since then he has been texting and asking to meet again. But I just feel that was too soon to invite him into my space. Now I feel a bit embarrassed.
Is this a normal thing to do or should have I waited a bit? How long should you wait to invite someone after a date - I don't mean to have sex or anything- just a cup of tea and a chat. Sorry I'm really new to this dating stuff and I don't know what I'm doing.

OP posts:
Theimpossiblegirl · 12/05/2023 22:34

It sounds like it went really well. Unless you've detected red flags I would see him again. You obviously enjoyed each others' company.

Merangutan · 12/05/2023 22:34

You’ve done absolutely nothing odd or embarrassing at all here, OP! You had a great time, continued getting to know each other at yours and he left wanting to see you again! Be confident about your decision. You made it together and it suited you both. Sounds like a great date. Also, he’s not only after one thing if he was happy to have a cup of tea without pressing you for more!

Hankunamatata · 12/05/2023 22:35

Sounds like it went well. You felt comfortable inviting him for cuppa and a chat. He still wants to meet up. Sounds all good to me

TokyoSushi · 12/05/2023 22:37

It sounds absolutely fine, enjoy!

GoodChat · 12/05/2023 22:41

I agree with the others. No need to be embarrassed at all.

BillyNoM8s · 12/05/2023 22:42

It's only an issue from a safety perspective. If he ends up being possessive/strange/love bomby, he knows where you live Sad

Doggymummar · 12/05/2023 22:43

I wouldn't be inviting someone to my house until I had properly checked them out, all social sites, met them from work etc probably police checks as well. Me and my oh met on tinder 10 years ago and dated for maybe 4 months before going to one anothers houses. We have both had stalkers in the past so we're very careful.

DisappearingGirl · 12/05/2023 22:43

I'm smiling at the idea of you feeling guilty for having tea on the first date :)

Testina · 12/05/2023 22:44

It’s fine, but next time you meet someone from online, really don’t have them park on your street! You should be more careful with your safety. If you meet up and your instinct feels good (though it can be wrong) sure you might have them back to yours for tea or sex. But this sounds like the first time you’d met him, so I think foolish to have him know the street you live on.

PaigeMatthews · 12/05/2023 22:46

i agree with pp saying better not to tell strangers where you live.

CountMushroom · 12/05/2023 22:46

BillyNoM8s · 12/05/2023 22:42

It's only an issue from a safety perspective. If he ends up being possessive/strange/love bomby, he knows where you live Sad

Yes, this. I think it was unwise to invite a total stranger into your house — and also, even before you invited him in, if he’d parked his car on your street, had you told him where you lived and he’d picked you up? Don’t do that.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 12/05/2023 22:48

He came into your house and "coffee" meant actual coffee to him, not a code for bedroom sports. That bodes well. You may have been unwise letting him know where you live so soon, but you've done nothing to be embarrassed about.

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/05/2023 22:51

It’s totally fine.

Sounds like he’s one to see again

Novatherova · 12/05/2023 23:10

All fine. Enjoy and don't overthink. My DP copped a feel of my boob on our 2nd date and we are still together 8 years later.

Thisismeyeah · 13/05/2023 09:24

You cant change whats happened. Learn from it and should you ever date a new person again just be more aware. Don't beat yourself up about this they may be a genuinely nice person who you end up together forever. Enjoy it while it good.

JMSA · 13/05/2023 09:27

There are no rules for this kind of thing, other than just keeping yourself safe. He sounds great and you've done nothing wrong, so go for it!

Banditdog · 13/05/2023 09:33

I don’t think there is anything to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. But I think it was foolish and you should try to be more safety conscious in future.

Catlord · 13/05/2023 09:35

No need to be embarrassed, all went well! In future I wouldn't let new dates anywhere near your house until youve met a few times as there are some oddballs on OLD but nothing to worry about re this one.

Superdupes · 13/05/2023 09:42

It sounds wonderful OP! You really have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about at all. Don't spoil it by overthinking it!

Teeturtle · 13/05/2023 09:46

Catlord · 13/05/2023 09:35

No need to be embarrassed, all went well! In future I wouldn't let new dates anywhere near your house until youve met a few times as there are some oddballs on OLD but nothing to worry about re this one.

He is still a stranger and it is too soon to decide that there is nothing to worry about with this one.

Catlord · 13/05/2023 09:49

Teeturtle · 13/05/2023 09:46

He is still a stranger and it is too soon to decide that there is nothing to worry about with this one.

Show quote history

What do you mean? Nothing happened on the date that she should be ashamed about. They went back for a cuppa, had one and he went home. I'm talking about her feeling worried she had broken protocol rather than knowing he is definitely a good or bad egg at this stage.

HairyFarnbarn · 13/05/2023 10:13

No need to be embarrassed. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it again then don’t feel any pressure to.

Butchyrestingface · 13/05/2023 10:16

I take it "cup of tea" isn't a euphemism for "we worked our way through the entire Kama Sutra and shook the foundations of every house for miles around"?

If not, you're fine. Carry on camping.

Conkersinautumn · 13/05/2023 10:53

It sounds positive to me. Maybe do something out and about that you go somewhere else from next time? Maybe a lunch date followed by your own appointment so you have to go. See how that feels.

C1N1C · 13/05/2023 11:00

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 12/05/2023 22:48

He came into your house and "coffee" meant actual coffee to him, not a code for bedroom sports. That bodes well. You may have been unwise letting him know where you live so soon, but you've done nothing to be embarrassed about.

This. He seems like an actual nice guy. Many guys would see this as a clear invitation and then get pushy or feel dejected if nothing happened... he didn't. Good signs.

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