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Original poster

Is this inappropriate? I feel a bit embarrassed

75 replies

milkydress · 12/05/2023 22:32

Went on a date with a man I met online. We had a lovely time and I just didn't want it to end - I really don't think he did either. He had parked his car on my street so he walked back with me. As he was about to leave I asked if he wanted to have a cup of tea with me. He said he did...we had tea nothing happened and he left after about 1.5 hrs. Since then he has been texting and asking to meet again. But I just feel that was too soon to invite him into my space. Now I feel a bit embarrassed.
Is this a normal thing to do or should have I waited a bit? How long should you wait to invite someone after a date - I don't mean to have sex or anything- just a cup of tea and a chat. Sorry I'm really new to this dating stuff and I don't know what I'm doing.

OP posts:
Cnidarian · 13/05/2023 11:02

Ahhh love, you're stressing because you think you went too far on the first date.....with a cup of tea?! Honestly and truly, you're fine. Enjoy seeing him again it sounds like you had a great time.

OrlandointheWilderness · 13/05/2023 11:14

Sounds lovely to me!

MardiMoo · 13/05/2023 11:22

I truly don’t think you need to overthink it. It was just a cup of tea - I would suggest meet him again and then continue to take it at your own pace. He is obviously a nice chap, who respects that and don’t try to jump on you as soon as he was inside your place.

Flowertight · 13/05/2023 11:25

You’d be a red flag to me. You asked him in for a cup of tea, drank the tea, had a good time, now you’re ghosting him as he came into your space. That you invited him in to. For a cup of tea.

itsgoodtobehome · 13/05/2023 11:34

DH came back to my house on our first date. That was 15 years ago, and we've been married for nearly 13 years of those. He hasn't murdered me yet......

StarlightLady · 13/05/2023 11:37

OP, nothing to worry about, everything was perfectly fine. It's a case of listening to your own instincts.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/05/2023 11:46

Cup of tea sounds fine for me but anyone I meet online I never let them drop me home and if meeting near my home I meet in a cafe etc. Last man after second date wanted to drop me home, I said no but round the corner fine. Got comments about this is a very nice area…

Current man I’m dating we’d probably go to each others places when we have sex but luckily we’re other sides of London to each other! @

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 13/05/2023 11:49

Nothing to be embarrassed about and it's good all went well BUT it could have been a whole different story. Safety first and what you did wasn't safe unless you have a flat mate looking out for you when you got home with him.

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/05/2023 11:50

As others have said the only issue is the safety one, ie inviting him into your home.

Other than that I can’t see what the problem is. Even if you had shagged him tbh. You do what feels right and don’t feel you need to set some ridiculous Rules based schedule.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 13/05/2023 11:54

You obviously felt comfortable enough with him to invite him for tea and he didn't misconstrue this as an invitation for sex. So communication between you sounds good. I don't think you need to feel embarrassed at all.

BMW6 · 13/05/2023 11:57

Perfectly fine OP, no need to be embarrassed!

Sounds like you have found a good one - well so far so good anyhow!

MomFromSE · 13/05/2023 11:57

It’s fine - if you like him see him again.

Don’t start acting strangely now and ruin a good thing before it starts!

YouTarzan · 13/05/2023 12:02

To be honest I would be a bit bothered if I invited the blokes back and he didn’t make a move. I would be concerned that he was just looking for ‘companionship’ rather than a full bodied relationship.

Bearpawk · 13/05/2023 12:11

Butchyrestingface · 13/05/2023 10:16

I take it "cup of tea" isn't a euphemism for "we worked our way through the entire Kama Sutra and shook the foundations of every house for miles around"?

If not, you're fine. Carry on camping.

That also wouldn't be an issue if they were both consenting adults.

DP and I had sex the first time we met and we're still together 10 years later and have a wonderful relationship.

Bearpawk · 13/05/2023 12:13

@milkydress may I ask the reason you're new to this, were you in a relationship for a long time or just haven't dated much yet ?

I think it sounds like you had a lovely evening, so long as you're aware of safety and you were both having a nice time it's completely fine.

Xrays · 13/05/2023 12:15

Personally I wouldn’t invite someone back so soon as you don’t really know them and I’d be worried about them turning into some weird stalker weirdo. But maybe that says more about the type of people I used to attract!

Inthebathagain · 13/05/2023 12:17

Nothing to be embarrassed about here.

This was how people did dating 20 years ago before Tinder and red flags were in our vocabulary. You had a first date, got walked home, then invited someone in if you wanted to carry on the chat.

Sounds like you had a great time. I hope the second and subsequent dates go as well.

MovingStones · 13/05/2023 12:22

You shouldn’t feel embarrassed. But you did put yourself in a vulnerable position.

Don’t let anyone you’re newly dating know where you live, definitely don’t invite them into your home. Have fun but be safe.

Whatonearthisgoingonnnn · 13/05/2023 12:23

I agree with others - good sign. He came into your space and didn’t try it on or appear to be dejected. No red flags really!

Sounds like you had a really good date and fingers crossed you’ve found one of the good ones!

Teeturtle · 13/05/2023 12:28

Catlord · 13/05/2023 09:49

What do you mean? Nothing happened on the date that she should be ashamed about. They went back for a cuppa, had one and he went home. I'm talking about her feeling worried she had broken protocol rather than knowing he is definitely a good or bad egg at this stage.

Show quote history

I didn’t say she should be ashamed? Confused I am suggesting that she should be more safety conscious. And also it is not unknown for men to attack on the second meeting, so I would still say it is early days to say there is nothing to worry about.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/05/2023 12:39

In retrospect, don’t tell strangers off the Internet where you live.

But, given what's done is done.
You had a nice date.
You felt safe inviting him in.
He didn't (unless you drip feed) try and pressure you into sexual contact
He messaged afterwards wanting to see you again.

Why wouldn't that be good?

Are you embarrassed you commuted a social faux pas or are you a bit scared it went so well and it might actually have legs?

Pinkdelight3 · 13/05/2023 12:42

Nothing inappropriate or embarrassing at all. You're two adults. You enjoyed the time you spent together. The only weird thing is how you're overthinking it, but guess you just need to get used to it, not panic and back off when he's been fine.

BeeBowBeeBow · 13/05/2023 12:46

Wasn't it just a night-cap? If you'd mounted him in the pub and dry humped him that would be embarrassing but inviting someone in for cup of tea! Really OP chill. Even if he's said no thanks I have to get home when you invited him in it's still so far from embarrassing

HappiestSleeping · 13/05/2023 13:08

Theimpossiblegirl · 12/05/2023 22:34

It sounds like it went really well. Unless you've detected red flags I would see him again. You obviously enjoyed each others' company.

This 👆

It sounds like a very pleasant evening. He seems to have assumed that inviting him in for tea meant tea, and wasn't a code word for anything else, which is exactly how it should be.

Have a nice time on your next date.

Goodread1 · 13/05/2023 13:10

Hi @milkydress
I agree with other posters you really need to be more safety conscious,

as there are obvious weirdos out there, !

Other than that, he sounds like a cool guy so far,
Looks promising this one does for you.

Nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about . !

I like the sound of this one,

he didn't take advantage of you in any way, and assumed that you asking if he wanted to come in for tea, was code for having a good time in the bedroom dept in any way.

Looking 👍 good this one does..

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