To go for twins via IVF?

[Clandistyne]

DH and I have been trying for two years and are now getting IVF privately. He has eight year old twins from a previous relationship already so I’m not eligible for NHS help. The clinic have asked whether I’d like to implant one embryo or two. We would ideally like two children together.

Pros:

• I’d be 37 by the time any babies from this cycle were born, so reduced likelihood of getting pregnant again later and getting the two we’d like
• Only one pregnancy to go through
• Reduced IVF cost
• We’re used to raising twins already

Cons:

• Riskier pregnancy
• Double costs for everything including nursery at the same time

Has anyone opted for twins via IVF? How did it work out? Am I crazy for considering it?

💐💐💐 I'm so sorry for your losses xx

From observation (no actual data!) most of the twins I cone across through work are in single parent families, so I would assume it puts a bigger strain on relationships. Maybe have an honest conversation with your dh as to whether 2 babies at once was a factor in his previous relationship breaking down?

When I went for ivf i asked about this, the doctor did not advise it as she said at implantation time there is a "dialogue" between embryo and your womb lining. If one of the embryos implantation is "rejected" both will be rejected in most cases. I got pregnant with the second "only embryo", she is 4.5 years old now. I think you would be wise to follow the advice given in your particular case...

Maybe have an honest conversation with your dh as to whether 2 babies at once was a factor in his previous relationship breaking down?

Good advice I think.

Thanks everyone, some really interesting - and diverse! - responses here.

I agree I come across as naive and should have put ‘risk twins’ rather than ‘opt for twins’ in the OP. It’s the start of our IVF journey but I know that cycles are most likely to end in no babies than two. I’m also aware that every cycle takes time, and I’m running low on it.

To answer some questions - twins don’t run in any of our families, I met DH when the boys were 3, his first marriage failed because they were unhappy together and considering separation before an accidental pregnancy, then she had an affair and they split when the boys were 2 (she’s happily remarried to that man and has more children). We have 50/50.

IVF definitely isn’t allowed in my area for stepparents, but thanks to everyone who suggested I double-check.

It’s not double the cost of everything. Assuming you work, it’s not double the cost of mat leave.

Mat leave cost me £25k of earnings for one baby. I’ll have to do it again, and lose another £25k to have another baby. So, in that sense, having twins is very efficient! Plus, nursery costs are about to become a heck of a lot more manageable. Or, you could get a nanny, which would be more cost effective as she doesn’t charge more per child.

I totally understand the desire for twins.

@Clandistyne how is the ivf journey going?

I’m ok cycle 8 of TTC, so this is a very interesting topic for me 🤞🏻😊

Do you actually have twins? I’d assume not based on these recommendations.

Are you aware it costs double to put them in nursery often with no sibling discount.

Government funding for nurseries is paltry and they often only offer specific hours in the middle of the day or top it up with loads of extras.

Good luck keeping your job with double sickness in domino effect too. (I did keep mine somehow but know lots that have had to give up work for a few years)

Having twins is much more dangerous for the babies and the mother and both often end up with birth complications.

@HermioneKipper No, I am struggling to conceive currently, and would love twins.

I’m not giving recommendations, just my opinions. Nursery costs are about to come down in the next couple of years, with further funding for 9m+. Or, the cost of a nanny would be the same for one baby or two.

Both ladies I’ve known with twins weren’t sick once. Many ladies get sick with single babies too.

Like I said, I’m not recommending anything, but mat leave is helllla expensive, especially twice

Well take it from someone with twins it’s beyond hard work and generally not a great idea. Unless you’re on last chance saloon with IVF, no reputable clinics would recommend either.

Nannies are expensive and you need to employ them, pay tax, benefits, pension etc.

Nannies also charge extra for twins - of course they do as it’s more than double the work!

Youve known two people with twins - great barometer. It’s not only about being sick - birth injuries and ongoing issues are much more common with twins.

TWINS are hella expensive 🤣

By sickness I meant the amount of sickness you’ll get in the early years with children. Twins tend to get it one after the other too. So you’ll get 2 days of a sick bug and then the next will get it. And so on and so forth

I have frozen embryo IVF twins. I had 3 embryos put in as they weee the last 3 to survive. They’re now teens. We then got pregnant naturally when they were 6 months. It’s a hard one to answer.

I was sick beyond anything you could imagine. All day every day to the extent I was vomiting blood.

Both of my twins have autism . Although high functioning I would have preferred to speak it out.

I think that's a fair point.

Space it out.

That said I’m not sure I could have gone through another transfer.

The clinic I used (Which is well known and was recommended) - gave us the option of transferring one or two, and just made us aware the likelihood of twins was very high as we were in our 20's, was our first try and have a previous child ect.

We chose 2 and we did go on to have twins and it is expensive (especially childcare and holidays/flights) but it's not twice as expensive - we do get good discounts on school fee's ect.

A lot of the big expenses come at the same time during the year as they are the same age, also some things are difficult like taking them both to swimming classes as toddlers needed 2 adults. The thing I found hardest si the lack of sleep in the first 2/3 years.

But there are also a lot of nice things about having twins - they always have a friend which was especially nice during Covid, and mine are a lot more confident than my elder child was which I think is helped by having each other. It's really busy and a lot of fun.

The risks will be higher but due to having twins I got great care throughout my pregnancy and delivery and found the pregnancy / birth easier than with my first for us the decision was fairly easy to choose 2 to increase the chances

I was 37. First time we had 2 embryos put back, one baby.

What I should say is we put two back, one split so for a while there were 3! Those two didn't stick though and stopped growing very early on. So one baby born. I'd make the same decision again.

Second ivf, we only put one back and had one baby.

I wouldn't dream of opting for twins, the pregnancy is high risk and you're higher risk for pre term birth, pre eclampsia, gestational Diabetes among other things. There's also a higher risk of learning disabilities. Also age 37 means the pregnancy is slightly higher risk anyway. And a twin pregnancy is likely to be tougher on your body, pregnancy can be rough enough as it is

I also thought through my years if infertility that twins would be lovely but when I eventually had a baby I was grateful it was just one because I was anxious enough as it is, never mind all that added worry.

Put in 2 it will increase your odds. If you get twins you have won the lottery of life

That's quite a rose tinted view of having twins in my experience - are you actually a twin mum??

I am and I feel incredibly grateful and yes after many losses I do feel like I've been given the best gift. But my marriage didn't survive having twins specifically and on the twins support groups - of which I'm a member of many - I'd say daily the majority of the posts are from actual twin mums who hate having twins and are in total despair

Yes to all this.

My twin boys are wonderful but my god they’re hard work.

Youll get very limited help from people as frankly they can’t handle them. My mum used to often babysit my older one but can’t hack the twins. Understandably as some days I really struggle myself.

I know lots of people with twins whose relationships haven’t survived and as a PP has said, it causes many parents to be pushed to the brink daily.

I think trying for twins is a bad idea (I have ivf twins). Twin pregnancies are brutal for mother and babies. Have them separately.