to ask how do people afford all these things ?

[kermitspants]

Me & DH have a fairly good/decent income between us. What with the cost of living increases etc and general costs to run a house for 5 of us, we don't/cant afford to have many luxuries. I see FB posts with friends (acquaintances) who:

Were celebrating the coronation at home with Fortnum & Mason champagne & hamper

Purchased a brand new landrover as a gift for their wife for Christmas

Brought their DC a brand new car for their 18th

Pop up marquees in the garden with the biggest TV screen for friends to come over and watch England playing

Christmas and the gifts are ££££££ with some people taking the DC to lapland (in addition of the summer holiday they had) and buying top of the range gifts/food/hampers

Have the biggest Christmas trees (ours is usually around 5 foot and costs around £50 (real tree) which I thought was a hell of a lot of money for a tree). Goodness knows how much the bigger trees cost

New York trips for Christmas

My 'luxury' for Christmas food was a posh bottle of M&S prosecco for the table along side Tesco food. I splashed out on a £14 posh bottle of fizz for the coronation, and that was pushing the boat out.

Am I missing something here ????

NB - those who think I am jealous, need not reply.

Putting stuff on credit isn’t bad or shameful, obviously if it’s paid off. Good credit is a good thing.

Urgh, there are a couple of women at my husband's work place who sound like the OP. We are both in our late 50s, and mortgage free, and both work part time. We have a nice detached house in a third of an acre of land near woodland, and a 3 year old car, and have a holiday abroad ever year. We part funded our 2 DCs weddings recently too. (Paid a third.) We are not super rich, but are comfortable. We have worked hard for many years, and have been frugal. DH did not go part time til 55. Worked full time nearly 40 years.

At LEAST 3 or 4 times, these women have prodded and poked and asked my husband how we manage with him only working 26 hours a week, and me only 24. They wonder how we can afford our life. He shuts them down and says 'I am not having this conversation with you.' They frown.... 'hmm well I just don't GET it' they say. There is nothing for them to GET. Our finances are fuck-all to do with them.

@kermitspants As people have said, clearly these people earn a lot more money than you, or they have much less outgoing, or they have more debt. Could be a number of reasons.

Lots of cars are purchased on finance and repossessed when payments are not kept up.
Some people earn more, some are more willing to exist on credit etc.

The greater the need to to advertise one’s happiness and success on social media, the greater one’s insecurity and unhappiness in many cases.

They earn more than you.
They have inheritance.
They have no mortgage as it's paid off.
They are living on the never never and will face a debt crisis in future.

Either way it's none of your business and comparing yourselves with others is the way to live a life of misery. Much easier said than done, I admit.

and.. many people have less kids than you… meaning life is a lot less expensive (especially if you’re having to pay for childcare)

some people have family help for childcare

Also.. some people earn a lot more than you’d think. My mum would nag me to go back to uni to get a degree so I could get a well paying job like a teacher….

What is your ‘decent income’ and what is your mortgage? Do you have any major expenses like childcare?
I think you would be shocked at how much some people earn

Ps we got a loan out to go to euro Disney, a loan a few years ago to go to Italy (cheaper than spin or Portugal for anyone thinking of it, went to a eurocamp!) and years ago also went to Eurodisney using a credit card (would not advise using a cc although we kept it all to a minimum we were paying it back for years!!)

Hey, if you’re that bothered why don’t you download their house title deeds and see if they’ve got a mortgage or not.

Or maybe look on Companies House?

So many reasons….

A lot of it isn't real, OP. Cars on finance, holidays on credit card, loans etc etc lots of debt all just "for the 'gram" . I certainly don't envy them, it's not true happiness.

Oh I know it’s not. We’ve used credit sensibly in the past. 0% credit is often a great way of paying for things.
I just meant that on threads like these people are so quick to jump in with ‘they’re all in loads of debt’. That’s not true, and just smacks of sour grapes really.

Simply they earn more money than you. Or prioritise their spending differently to you. My husband and I have the highest income of any of our friends - but we prioritise putting our money into pensions, ISAs, saving for our kids future, life insurance etc. We have second hand cars and we don’t often go on a lavish holiday. However most of our friends prioritise spending their money on holidays, monthly payments on new 4x4 cars, eating out, taking their kids to activities at the weekend etc. Neither way of life is wrong, we just have different priorities. And I know who I would rather be at retirement!

We saved obsessively for 5 years, then moved to better jobs and bought things we always wanted like a new tesla, new kitchen, nice holiday etc but we buy things cautiously usually. None of it on debt. People have different priorities

Another one wondering whether you couldn't just come off social media?

Get off the socials...i have and am so much happier!

It’s so weird.

how do they afford it

they earn more than you

I earn a lot.

🤦🏼‍♀️

You’re assuming people aren’t doing both.

My husband and I have the highest income of any of our friends

How do you know that?

I think it really depends, there are so many possible answers.

Some people put stuff on cc and take loans, some have inheritance, some have investments.
I also think that some people are very wealthy but don't necessarily show it.
Some of my family are wealthy but the way they dress and act you would not think it. Only if you saw their home you might think it.

Friend of mine is in the same game as me. Interesting career, money’s not good. He’s always skint, too.

However he’s on his third holiday this year, including Disneyland. They’re going to the Maldives for Christmas.

His wife must be raking it in...

We didn't have a third child
We live in an area which has lower than average property prices
We both earn a lot more than most people we know

But I am careful what I post on facebook because I recognise many of my friends do not have our disposable income

Because of our shitshow of a housing market over the past few decades, there are people who've never had that much money who happen to be sitting on substantial wealth, purely because of the location where they bought their often very modest home a few decades ago.

Yes! one of my older colleagues was very much "tax the rich" & thinks millennials spent far too much as she's very tight. Her cheap house is now worth over 2m & she inherited 500k. She's not rich in her opinion as she's never earned over 50k & thinks her frugality & her savings has got her where she is 🙄. She also had one of those gold plated pensions, that scheme had closed by the time people my age were getting employed there.

Do you have pets? A dog for example can cost a bomb over the course of a year but no one looks at a family with a dog and thinks wowee they’re living the high life. Spend that same money on hotels and you’d get people wondering how you could afford it. So a lot of it is perceptions of what costs money/is an extravagance, buts it’s also just basically life - some people earn more, have more debt, get help from family, won the lottery etc.

My husband and I have the highest income of any of our friends - but we prioritise putting our money into pensions, ISAs, saving for our kids future, life insurance etc.

I never understand these comments. Presumably you lie to them about your income, why do you assume they aren't downplaying to you?

A lot of people in their middle years inherit from relatives and these days that can be a great deal of money. If you've already got your own home and you inherit the value of another house, that's a lot of money.

Their outlay doesn't make them better people or happier. The fact they have put it on social media says a lot, don't compare yourself to them. More money more stress spending it IMO