To call off an engagement but stay together

[Lidale]

Is it weird? How many people have done it and if so did you ever end up with a happily ever after down the line with the same person?

Nowadays an engagement is a bit of something and nothing, isn't it. If you don't want to get married, that is fine. Keep or give back the ring, either is fine. Don't be surprised if the intended spouse subsequently rejects the relationship outright, this too is fine.

Are you planning to do this? Because your partner may handle it badly and not want to continue. Which us fair enough

I think if it's a case of deciding you don't want to get married it is fine, as long as you both feel the same way.

I know a couple who got engaged and then he backtracked and called it off. 5 years later he proposed again and they married a year later. They have 2 children and have celebrated their 10 year wedding anniversary now. He initially backtracked because he felt too young and not in a position financially to get married

Why do you even need to call the engagement off and make a big drama out of it. Just don't get married, no big deal.

Why has one or both of you gone off marriage?

This. What did the engagement mean to both of you, and why are you cancelling that part but plan to stay in the relationship?

Why do you want to stay together but not get married anymore?

(Obviously not getting married is fine but it seems something has changed)

We have 1 dc together nearing 5yrs. Called off the engagement as there were just a series of unfortunate events after the engagement (the proposal being one of them) and felt we had a long way to go before we was ready to be engaged or entertain the idea of marriage. We are still together and living together. To me it just feels alien for our relationship to be going down this road as I know no one in real life that has done this.

I guess I'm just wondering how common, if at all, it is.

I do want to get married. However I didn't want our journey to marriage off on the wrong foot, which at the time it was.

I would have probably just stayed engaged and held off the actual wedding for a while if that's what you both still want some point down the line.

I think it depends on the reason why. If you have both decided that you would like to keep your lives and assets separate, for example, if you're older and you are clear you want children to inherit, etc. then I think that's one thing. If you are just starting out in life and one of you has decided they don't want to legally tie themselves to the other, but you're trying to still hang on to the relationship despite that, I think that's something different.

How can the proposal have been after the engagement?

If you've both decided you do want to get married eventually, then it's just a long engagement isn't it? I don't think there's any need to call off the engagement, just don't actually do anything with regards to planning the wedding.

Your updates actually sound quite mad. I don't see what it is that you think needs to happen before you marry one another, but that doesn't need to be addressed for you to continue to live together, and have a child together.

This!
OP it all sounds a bit confusing. How old is DC, because it's not clear if DC is five or you've been together five years and had DC in that time?
Do you know you are in a more secure legal position as a mother if you're married?

This is bonkers. What has gone wrong that means you can't get married on the right foot, yet it is still a good idea to live together and raise a child together?

What’s the story about the proposal?

Ah, based on your update, I think it sounds very tricky. It sounds like there are some fundamental issues in the relationship if you are struggling already (and 'on the wrong foot') so early on. I think if it's things that can be fixed, like a health issue or being made redundant or some other stressful situation, that caused the relationship to be rocky as soon as you got engaged, maybe repairable. If it's dishonesty, cheating, abuse, etc. then no, it's too much in the 'honeymoon phase' to be having those issues when you aren't even married yet.

Yes, this. Why make a big hooha about it? Odd...

Agreed. I'm finding it hard to get my head around the fact you don't feel committed enough to proceed with marriage but it's fine to have a child and live together and the barriers stopping you getting married which led to you cancelling the engagement are not factors which would also impact your day to day life together.

Surely if you were uncertain enough to break off the engagement you'd be questioning the whole relationship?

I did that. We did end up marrying and I'm now very happy. I was an idiot but there were life circumstances clouding my judgement at the time and I wasn't sure I should be making huge decisions while in that headspace.

Ultimately there isn't any one way to do it that suits everyone.

Well, this is just ridiculous 🙄

If your relationship is okay enough to still live together and act as normal, I'm not sure why you wouldn't still be engaged considering you want to still marry each other.

I know people who have been engaged for 20 years and have been happy together. There's not a set time frame you need to be married in after the proposal. So I'm not really sure why you cancelled it all.

As long as you're both happy though, I suppose that's all that matters.

You live together and have a dc together, so I don't see how you can realistically believe you are "restarting" the relationship. I guess you weren't happy about the proposal?

Real life relationships are messy, not perfect. If you want to get married, then do. It doesn't need to be scripted. I'm not sure how you can have a 5yo together and still be making up your minds?