To call off an engagement but stay together

[Lidale]

Is it weird? How many people have done it and if so did you ever end up with a happily ever after down the line with the same person?

You have a child. It does not matter in terms of commitment whether you are engaged or not. You either get married or you don't, the "engagement" itself is worthless without a wedding being planned. You aren't planning a wedding, you don't seem to intend to marry, so how are you engaged?

I really don't get it. Why did you accept the proposal if you weren't going to get married? Why do you think if you get engaged again it will be any different? Your "journey to marriage" will always include that "getting off on the wrong foot" you can't erase history.

Are you actually calling off your engagement with someone you live with and have children with because the proposal????

What happened? Did he cheat on you? Because that won't go away.

At this point, just separate. You have done everything backwards anyway. I cannot understand where this relationship is going?

However

You live together, have a child. What else do you think marriage will bring? It will be exactly the same. If he's the higher earner, it should be better for you.

However if he's a sponger and you are the higher earner and practically live like a single mum, then definitely don't legally tie yourself together.

You say you felt there was a long way to go before you got engaged or got married, but you’ve had a child with him?

madness!

An engagement is a promise to marry - that's all. It's a statement of intent. If you don't want to make that commitment right now, it's fine and just because no one else has done what you're doing, if it's right for you then what's the problem? IME, once you're engaged then everyone is going to ask you when the wedding is. If you don't intend to get married any time soon, it's fair enough to take that pressure off and avoid all that tedious questioning!

You either want to be legally married with associated legal implications or not. Forget proposals and engagement that’s just fluff. Do you want to be married? Does he. CAB has a decent guide marriage v cohabitation. If you don’t want to don’t marry. Lots of couples get engaged but have no intention of marrying.

If you live together and have a five year old child I don't see what the commitment issue is with getting married unless one or both of you doesn't want to be in the relationship any more.

Have you called the engagement off because you want him to propose again in a manner that you deem more appropriate?

Because that isn't what marriage, or a long term relationship is like. Things don't always go to plan, but you have to deal with them together and not say "no, stop. Let's do that again". Life isn't a perfect video to go on insta.

Which is utterly pointless. You get engaged to be married. Otherwise you're just making a fuss for nothing.

So let me guess - you didn’t get the big instagram proposal you wanted?

Just have a long engagement, really no need for drama

Lots of couples get engaged but have no intention of marrying.
Do they really? 😵‍💫. What on earth for?

What's wrong with being engaged but not actively planning a wedding? It seems to be pretty normal these days as a sign of commitment without actually going as far as marriage/civil partnership.

Of course, if you're not committed to your fiance, have no long term plans at all, marriage or otherwise, then it seems a bit silly to stay engaged if you know you're going to go your separate ways eventually.

Does your fiance know your reservations/opinions/plans, etc?

Attention, mostly

I find it totally astonishing how much people invest in "engagements" and "proposals" and can't think or rationally discuss a marriage. The whole thing sounds totally cart before the horse.

The engagement and the proposal are total side issues here OP. Neither of then will matter to you in ten years. They are window dressing.

There's nothing wrong with not getting married and remaining together as long as you are both financially protected and happy with the situation. Marriage is about money, really. If you work and have some financial independence you don't need to get married anyway so it's fine to stay together. I'm in a committed LTR with someone I have no intention of marrying. But if you want to get married for financial protection and he doesn't want to its more problematic.

But FGS stop worrying about engagements and proposals. They are completely irrelevant to the matter in hand.

Yes, I suppose... Sad.

I was engaged to DH (then fiancé) for 6 years before we got married.
It would've felt really strange to take my ring off and tell people we didn't want to actively plan a wedding.
Are you thinking into it too much? Being engaged is just something for you not for everyone else so don't even worry about it.

I suspect it didn't look right for social media?

Yes, fully agree. Having a child with someone is a far bigger commitment that being engaged, buying a house or getting married! A child is for life and that binds you to the child's other parent.

We got engaged as we are happy to announce up the world we wanted to marry but as 40/50 somethings with no kids there is no actual rush. (Parents advancing age is biggest factor now)

I'd assume cheating or something if someone called off an engagement-assuming no wedding booked you just stay being engaged for a while. It's nothing really more official than just changing your Facebook status to "it's complicated".

I don't think I'm explaining myself clearly.

Dp "proposed" without actually asking me out right which started everything off wrong. I was left confused and frustrated and consequently it ended up in an argument which to me then tainted our "proposal" if you could call it that.

He then tried to re-propose again a week later by actually making clear but I just felt it cheapened the whole thing. We was having relationship issues before this, and was in relationship counselling.

I came to the conclusion that I didn't want my engagement to hold such a negative weight everytime I had to relay the story to someone or think about it and that coupled with the fact that we still had issues that needed major ironing out I thought it best to call it off.

I know relationships aren't perfect but I wanted to feel we was at our most happiest when we get engaged so we can actually feel joy and celebatory feelings rather than bad ones.

Around the time of our engagement some secrets came out about my dps finances ect that just clouded everything.

However all that said its been over a year now and we are doing better. I still intend to be married, whether to him or not. It's not that I don't want to be married. I just want to feel happiness about it rather than anguish. Hope that makes it more understandable

Have one of you cheated? Or was the proposal not good enough and you want it redone?

However all that said its been over a year now and we are doing better. I still intend to be married, whether to him or not.

Errrm you're sure you want to get married but you're not sure if you want to marry him ... Don't you think maybe it's best to call time on your relationship rwtehr than string it along. It doesn't sound like you're very fond of him.

@ComeTheFuckOnBridgett something like getting it re done yes. But not for superficial reasons but because it was just all around a bad time for us both and I want us to feel happy and even more so feel happy when I announce the news to my family and friends. At the time our families where really apprehensive about our relationship so declaring the engagement wasn't met with smiles or a congrats but rather are you sure....