Buying a property together unmarried

[Breakfastbaguette]

Just wondered if anybody has done this or split up and how things worked out for you.
I've been with my partner just over 3 years, lived together 2.5 years.
I'm 32 and he's 28, 29 start of next year. We aren't engaged, I asked him in March if he'd considered marriage with me as I'd like to and he said he hadn't thought about it yet, it was a massive commitment, not ready yet, none of his friends are married etc.

Fine, now the topic of purchasing a house together has come up. He's said he's happy to do this (well that's what he said at least). He hasn't mentioned marriage since so clearly not changed his mind, I haven't mentioned either.

Aibu to think it's too risky to buy property together if we aren't married? What if we buy it then a year later he still doesn't want to get married?
I don't want to seem like I'm putting pressure on him, but as I say it just seems too risky, it's not quite as easy as renting. Just wondered people's thoughts?

After three years i would expect him to know if there is a future. You have made it clear you want marriage, he doesnt

so personally i would be looking elsewhere now otherwise you will just end u0 resenting him

I think it's a generational thing.

Traditionally couples would get married as a show of commitment and getting married changed things. You'd move in together, consummate your marriage etc. That's no longer the case. You wake up the following day with a new surname if that!

I adore my partner and we have been together years. I want to spend the rest of my life with her but there are no benefits to getting married. Our paperwork when buying property supercedes anything marriage deeds would outline so marriage would just be an excuse for a big party, nothing more. It's by no means out of the question but it's by no means a big deal anymore

This is the best advice

bigalt

But there are many benefits to marriage

Look up the legal differences between 2 single people versus being married

It is difficult, he has all the power.

I understand how you feel that this is true. In fact, you each have equal power to stop the relationship.

I would not hang on hoping that he will eventually agree to marry you. The power dynamic is all wrong.

Split up. Find someone who will move heaven and earth to be with you.

Are you your partner's next of kin? It's just not true that there are no benefits to marriage.

get pregnant then insist upon it to protect your inevitable earnings hit.

Having recognised that a man may not eat to get married, it is laughable to suggest if you get pregnant you should insist on marriage.

What leverage would you have to insist?

Yes next of kin to one another.

Happy to be educated on the benefits :)

Buying a property together is absolutely fine even though you aren’t married. We bought our first home together 18 years ago. It would be 50/50 if we were to separate. Being married was never a life goal of mine though. It sounds like you want to be married and he doesn’t - that’s a problem so it’s probably not wise to purchase a property together when you want different things.

They always come out with the “benefits” but I’ve yet to have one person educate me on these “benefits” I’m missing out on.

We are:
-beneficiaries on each others pensions (along with our children) and life insurance
-we have LPA over each other should we need it
-beneficiaries on each others wills
-inheritance tax won’t impact us as our property isn’t worth enough for it to be a concern
-we earn too much for tax breaks
-joint owners and mortgage holders of our property.

We both entered the relationship with nothing. We have pooled our resources from day 1; we have both taken stints of SAHP/part time work and full time work; overall we have both contributed equally to our finances.

There is literally no benefit to us marrying except because we could have a party. Which tbh we could do regardless …

Its definitely an outdated view that marriage is some sort of holy grail; and if you look at marriage rates you will see that it’s falling out of favour. And really, what’s the point if there is a 50% chance of divorce anyway.

I think you need to make sure you are on the same page before committing to a house purchase. What if he never wants marriage… would you still want to buy a house with him? What about kids. Personally I wouldn’t want to commit to a house with someone without knowing where you both stand on the big life stuff. Age doesn’t really matter. You should know after 3 years if you’re committed to someone what the direction of travel is. If marriage is important to you I think you need to make that clear.