Apologies for the intrusion here - I’m not a mum or female but I have been aimlessly googling and contemplating and a few searches directed me to Mumsnet threads that were full of useful advice and thought I’d give it a bash.
im a few weeks away from 40. Currently living with my elderly mum who is in the last few months of her life. Challenging time but trying to make it as ‘nice’ as possible. I broke up with a girlfriend of 5 years two years ago, it was for the best and ultimately the right person hasn’t come along since. Not as easy to meet people in late 30’s and I’m usually v busy with my own business.
when I was 24, I did a post grad and met an incredible girl. She was 18: if I’m honest my mates ripped the piss out of me for her age, look back and cringe a bit. She was utterly stunning too and a nice person, we had a lot in common. Initially we had a ‘FWB’ relationship. She was hard to read and I played hard to get. Absolutely pathetic on reflection but there we are. She always seemed a lot older than her years and had recently suffered a very traumatic sibling death. I’m a bit apprehensive about revealing too much detail in case she reads here tbh but it was truly awful. She often spoke about her separated parents quite negatively and didn’t really reveal much about them aside from that she didn’t get on with her mum at all. She spoke a lot about her sibling and I was very conscious that she’d been through a lot.
I quickly fell for her tbh. She showed absolutely no indication she wanted more. We had quite an intense relationship, was much more than just sex. I could give examples but reluctant to do so incase she reads here. This shamefully went on for 4 years until one day she messaged me and said she loved me but had met someone. I didn’t interpret this to mean that she was ‘in’ love with me and frankly I thought about her for a good few years after and often thought about her. I learned through the grapevine that she’d got married.
I bumped into her at a hotel event last week. Absolutely out of body experience. She hadn’t changed a bit and was just as beautiful as I remember. We ended up going to the bar upstairs and chatted from 5pm - 2am but it felt like 2 mins. Long story short, I broke her heart. I don’t want to add too many details, but it transpires that her childhood was extremely traumatic and just thinking of how much she carried during that times makes me feel very emotional and protective of her. She didn’t tell me because she “didn’t want to put me off” and actually our casual relationship (with lots of affection and couple in all but name and commitment) really caused her a lot of pain even though she was quite embarrassed to suggest so. I could just tell. She said I was her lifeline at that time and the only person she had emotional/physical intimacy with. She was an absolute socialite at the time, friends everywhere but her family circumstances were very very difficult. I wish I’d known.
the chemistry was absolutely unreal and it was like no time had passed over the years. She is extremely successful and I’m really proud of everything she’s achieved. She is recently separated from her husband and has a 3 year old. I asked about her husband and marriage and she said that she had no interest in meeting anyone new because she’d never want her daughter to have to experience other men in her home because she doesn’t have the interest in meeting someone and spending time getting to know them at a cost of time with her daughter.
not sure where I’m going or what I’m expecting the advice to do but what would you suggest in these circumstances? We have exchanged numbers and have been texting multiple times daily. She’s not flirty but very familiar and we always did get along very well. Is it appropriate to ask to see her again? I am not usually this clueless but when I say that I can’t believe I am speaking to her it’s the biggest understatement imagineable.