To not understand the way my Dad acts

[theyaremad]

My Dad seems to struggle with the tiniest little things in his life. This week he is overwhelmed because he received an automatic text from our GP surgery 2 weeks ago saying he's overdue his annual check-up for his type two diabetes, and it's all he keeps bringing up. He thinks his life is really stressful and busy, and thinks he has it worse out of everyone in this world. But when you ask him to list off what's wrong it's minor things like he needs to pick his prescription up from the chemist, and pick his daughter up from uni this weekend.

My mum, sister and I were hoping to plan a holiday once my sister finishes uni to celebrate. My Dad is invited but has no interest in holidays and never goes with us (he doesn't even have a passport). Growing up we never went on holidays as we were really poor, it's only once me and my sister started earning money that we have started going on holidays together and sometimes our Mum comes too (the 3 of us are very close). We asked my Dad if he wanted to go and he said no, so we asked would be able to look after the dog and cat for us. He got really angry, and I've now been text by him saying:

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF LIFE. I'M NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING FOR ANYONE EVER AGAIN. [MY SISTER] CAN MAKE HER OWN FUCKING WAY HOME ON SATURDAY, I'M NOT PICKING HER UP!!!! I DON'T FEEL WELL!!!! I THINK I NEED A BREAK MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE!!

WIBU to have asked if he'd look after the pets so my Mum could come with us? I know he probably feels left out but he never comes on holidays or days out or anything with us, even when we were younger. He never shows up for things - birthdays, Christmasses, graduations. He just keeps to himself and I guess we've gotten used to it

That’s just awful. The theatre incident is NOT just anxiety. People with quite severe anxiety, depression etc. manage not to do things like that to their young child.

That actually sounds exactly like something someone affected by severe anxiety could do. Quick to anger, out of control during outbursts, frequent crying, negative thoughts, constant worrying - these are textbook examples of anxiety.

I see these kinds of comments a lot on Mumsnet - anxiety doesn't make you X, depression doesn't make you Y, ADHD doesn't make you Z - no, actually sometimes that is exactly what they do. They act like mental health conditions have no effect on your behaviour when the whole point of these diagnoses is that they do affect behaviour, in negative ways, and that is why people seek treatment for them.

@Hont1986

I see these kinds of comments a lot on Mumsnet - anxiety doesn't make you X, depression doesn't make you Y, ADHD doesn't make you Z - no, actually sometimes that is exactly what they do. They act like mental health conditions have no effect on your behaviour when the whole point of these diagnoses is that they do affect behaviour, in negative ways, and that is why people seek treatment for them.

Maybe. But if this kind of mental health condition results in extremely unpleasant and aggressively controlling behaviour towards your family the onus is on the person who suffers to deal with it without constantly sabotaging other people.

Yes it may well be rooted in anxiety but it’s not carte Blanche to behave like an arsehole towards people you are supposed to love.

What a difficult situation you have there OP. The more info you give the more I feel you NEED to take your Mum on hols, for her sake. Seems mad to me that someone can't mind their own pets but if he is that overwhelmed then I agree with others to put them into kennels. Sounds to me like he is also scared of being alone. I wonder does your mum do everything for him and he doesn't know how to cope? On top of whatever MH issue he has. I feel you need to talk openly with your mum about her needs and see what you can do to help her deal with him. It's not helpful IMO to just say he is as asshole or why is she with him etc. Fact is she is his wife and must be having a very hard time.