This concerns my friend since childhood. We got together a few years ago but I ended the relationship late last year for a few reasons but also because my feelings were platonic rather than romantic. I initially pushed for us to have a break from each other, mainly for his benefit as he obviously still had feelings for me but he forcefully insisted we remain friends - according to him now because I’d said I wasn’t interested in dating which was and is true but he never mentioned this at the time.
A few weeks ago, after I’d done him a favour, he started interrogating me about my love life. I was honest and admitted that I’d hooked up with an ex which resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. As fate would have it, the abortion was booked on the day of a mutual friend’s funeral.
We had already planned to travel together so I messaged and explained I’d need to leave after the service as I had a hospital appointment and would therefore travel to the funeral by myself. He insisted that he could still take us and that he’d take me to my hospital appointment as well and that he hoped we’d spend the day together after (which we did even though I really wanted to be on my own to process). He asked what the appointment was for so I lied about the reason and explained he couldn’t come with me (which was true) but took him up on his offer of a lift, partly because I knew from experience that he wouldn’t drop it.
He’s furious with me for not telling him the reason for my appointment and said if he’d known I was pregnant, he wouldn’t have taken me or done a couple of other favours for me at the time. I’m really hurt that our friendship appears to be conditional on me not sleeping with or dating other people and I’m equally angry that he expected me to consider his feelings first at a very traumatic and upsetting time for me.
For context, shortly before we got together, I had another termination (same ex) and my friend was fully aware and insisted on taking me to my appointments so I assumed he’d be ok about it as he was before. However, he sneered at me that he’d now taken me to two abortions which really stung as I could hear the judgement in his voice, even after I’d told him I’d found the whole thing traumatic and was still processing it all. For further context, he’d been on a date and not told me about it but apparently that’s not the same as I don’t have feelings for him?! It’s true I’m fine with him dating but the double standards bother me.
Was IBU to have let him give me a lift to the hospital? I feel like he’s massively overreacting- it’s not like I was secretly having a baby and he was taking me to my maternity appointments, it was just a lift for a medical procedure but he’s acting like he’d done me a huge favour that I brought about by deception.