No one likes me

[Mum1135]

I just feel today that no one really likes me. I don’t know why because I think I’m friendly, caring and a decent person. I can be a little quiet and do lack confidence due to an abusive and traumatic childhood but I’m an adult now so should feel like this!

what made me come on here and post is that I saw my neighbours today (I moved in 3 months ago, a large cul-de-sac) I e been really friendly and introduced myself (no one introduced themselves so I felt I should). I find them cold and distant but obviously with each other they’re fine.

im still every time saying “good morning” to them. I feel really lonely. I don’t feel I have friends in my life in general just lots of acquaintances. I work as a temp so not in a place long enough to make friends.

@Cakeoutintherain i think it is learnt behaviour you’re right. I don’t know how to even begin to learn this.

@Garethkeenansstapler Golden advice. Literally gonna copy and paste it. Save it in my phone lol

I have felt this my whole life ,especially women ,so my step mum and mil and to some extent my mum ,I felt strongly I wasn’t liked .
bullied at every school ,I was like a beacon for bullies.I didn’t ever manage more than one friend at each school I went to ,some schools I didn’t manage a single friend
going to the childrens center age 43 ish ,and the odd toddler group gave me a few friends,but as my kids got older they drifted away .once the kids grew apart I couldn’t hold on to the friendships
my kids got diagnosed with autism and we lost a few friends that way
I’m currently gettIng assessed for autism and adhd later this year ,I think that is why I’ve struggled with friends

Have you done a test for adhd or autism - there are some online - not perfect but might point you in that direction, or not.

Its unlikely to be you - its just timings/the randomness of connections.

For example - a former colleague got in touch with me recently as they had moved nearby, and I invited them round for coffee. Had a lovely morning, and spoke abstractly about doing it again. Since then, my professional life has become hellish busy and my children have been invited to a ridiculous number of parties, so every time they've got in touch I have declined (giving reasons) and not suggested a future date as I geniunely can't see any gaps in my calendar for ages.

They probably feel slighted/rejected but its not that I don't want to be friends with them, its just they are not a high enough priority in my life to carve out time at present. If we'd first met up again at a different point in my life, we'd probably be meeting regularly and building a deeper connection so then when I hit a really busy stage they would've been a priority to squeeze in space to meet somehow.

What I'm trying to say is - try not to take rejections personally and just keep being a nice person to many, and eventually the timings/connections will align.