Toy situation with child I nanny

[Nannywest]

The child I look after is lovely but I feel like I’m honestly at the end of my tether with how our afternoons are. I look after them after school in their own house but it is so incredibly difficult to set out any activity to do. They have lovely parents who work hard long hours which I feel has contributed to this.

Every toy they have is plastic tat. None of it is looked after. There are remnants of toys that were once sets but now are just bits of plastic at the bottom of a toy box. Any art supplies are here, there and everywhere. Ruined because child has been allowed to dig through them and damage anything usable. So when child plays after school, I don’t feel like I can play properly with them. I try to make shift things with what’s there but then child gets frustrated at say my ‘bed for a figure’ because it’s not actually a bed. Whilst the plastic bed they had is snapped at the bottom of toy box.

I think the parents clearly buy child any gift shop toy when they go out to make up for them working so much, which is lovely of them, but broken slinkies and crushed bouncy balls from the museum do not allow me to create any proper set up activity.

AIBU for being annoyed at this? They are well off people and all I have to go off is boxes and boxes of plastic pieces of toys that were once whole.

So chat to the parents and tell them what supplies you need and keep them separate and out of reach only for use with you.

Why dont you just tell them what you need?

Tell the parents what the situation is, be honest and tell them that in reality while it appears there are lots of toys for the child to play with, now you've had a chance to go through what they have you've discovered that everything is broken. Then depending on how you feel about it, you could offer to go out and purchase some appropriate play things, or make suggestions as to what you need for the parent to purchase, but my advice would be to be very specific about what you want, otherwise you may well end up with cheap crap all over again.

It’s difficult. They are very much ‘child can do what they want to do when they come home’. They are content for me to leave child to play which is what they want but I feel like I am failing the child by not being able to play with them.

I can’t exactly ask the parents to buy new sets of toys that the child can’t touch while I am not there

If that's what they want and not what you are happy with then tell them you're not a good fit. Some people would love to have someone who wants to get involved.

Another issue is that because it’s all random plastic toys in boxes, I’ll often get to their house and try to organise. The parent says ‘oh you don’t have to clean up, just play with X’. Whilst I’m trying to navigate myself through stepping on everything they’ve dumped on the floor.

What kind of toys do you think the child should play with? And does the child play happily on their own with the bits of sets etc that they have?

I bought my DC a load of Grimms toys, and various Montessori/Steiner open ended play type toys. He always preferred the plastic tat! Not if I’m buying plastic I try to get Lego or at least stuff that feels solid, and won’t break easily.

Could you start by asking for better toy organisation? And help them with if that’s something you’re good at. Then if they often buy new toys the better organisation should help them to last longer.

You sound quite judgmental about the hours they work. People can not look after things, not see a problem with plastic tat and that have nothing to do with how many hours they work.

I’d be much more annoyed by your attitude towards the parents working long hours than I would by anything else you have said. Surely most people who use a nanny work long hours?

I know it’s not the ideal solution, but if I were in your shoes I might go and get a few art bits myself so I had the option of some structured activity, but take the things with me when I left for the day so that they could be kept nicely, and were only used under supervision.

Alternatively, speak to the parents about maybe “wanting to align some of our play to the school curriculum” (which should sound like a worthwhile investment to busy high flying parents), and ask if there’s any budget to get a few bits and bobs to assist with this.

They would find it insulting if I offered to sort through the toys to find say all the plastic fruit or dishes to play shop or picnic but they are too busy to do it themselves. Child gets frustrated with me when I try to engage because I don’t understand their game whilst they have a piece of paper, a pen, a doll head and a block. 🤦‍♀️

It isn’t the plastic toys I’m opposed to. It’s the fact that none of it goes with the other. If we had blocks, we could build. If we had plates and bowls, we could play restaurant. If we had dolls with heads! You get the drift.

Why on earth do you think they’d find it insulting? Just say to DC - ‘Let’s hunt out all the lovely fruit and veg this afternoon!’

You sound both judgemental of the parents and also sort of lacking in imagination.

Surely this develops their imagination more though, nit having perfect things to play with.

How old is the child? Get them to help you sort the toys.

You sound quite judgmental about the hours they work.

Absolutely not, the hours they work keep me in employment! They work really hard to provide lovely experiences for their child when they aren’t working. I just wish they would spend the money on actual toy sets we can role play with instead of overpriced gift shop toys that break within a day.

Surely this develops their imagination more though, nit having perfect things to play with.

Thats a whole other thread. This child has particular difficult with imagination. I try to take them out into nature to develop their imagination as often as I can but they said they’d prefer to stay home and parents go along with this.

But playing with children is about getting into their worlds - not enforcing your world upon them. If the child is happy playing alone then you don’t really need to get involved. But if you want to then sit and observe for a while and you will surely pick up what is being used to represent what?!

Make a game of the sorting that needs to be done, when the parents' backs are turned?

Apart from that suggestion - is the child happy playing by him or herself with odds and ends of toys?

Also, you should get rid of anything sharp or anything that is a choking hazard, quietly and without mentioning you're doing it.

A child doesn't need a tea set to all match and be laid out to play with it. Any old bits can be 1) things in a shop or 2) things to line up or 3) things to play Kim's game.

I think you need to use a bit of imagination

When I had a carer for my child, she sorted the whole toy box, put it all in separate containers with labels, set up a toy and book rotation schedule, got a lock for the toy store cupboard thingy.
She's up there with God!!!

Just ask them, they are probably aware it's not ideal for a play session but just can't do it. You could start with sorting out the broken parts, then try some sort of categorization -and do it together with the child.

I don’t know you sound kind of limited in imagination? If you have a few blocks and a few doll heads you could have a totem pole😂
My own children have always played this way, kind of mixing up random objects and creating weird worlds. Wasn’t this the whole idea of the wanky/wnaky basket that was oh so popular not so long ago . You give them a few bath plugs and some plastic pipe and all is well 🤷‍♀️
Perhaps take your own supplies for the games you feel comfortable playing .
your post kind of reminds me of Phoebe and Monica and their dollhouses in ‘friends’.
you’re a monica and your boss is Phoebe- styling . Bad mix.

Just let them go what the parents want. I am with you on the play aspect, but if the parents want them to do what they want, then there's not much else you can do.

I'm really chuckling at the description of the game with paper, pencil, dolls head and block! We have loads of players that get tidied/disorganised on a continuous tide, I still find my son playing with some random thing he found on the kitchen counter pretending it's a... well, whatever it is.

I would definitely just get stuck in and try to organise things a bit. You can play shop with anything though, you need a till and a fruit bowl, or box of cars, or packets from the kitchen cupboard. We have all the stuff to serve and sell but I still get handed imaginary ice creams made of thin air but with every conceivable topping.

If the child is old enough to go to school do they need you to be setting up activities for them? Don’t they just play independently? My 4 and 5 year okds do.
Equally, after a full day of educational activities I’d be letting them play however they please, exactly as the parents have suggested.
If the child is frustrated at not finding things then you could tidy together.

Most parents I know are thrilled to have the nanny take charge of organizing the toys. Many would even be willing to pay for some extra time for you to come in and complete the task, but that is obviously just the subgroup that isn’t scrimping to pay for the nanny in the first place.

are you actually sure they would be upset if you talked to them about organizing things? I can see that some people might be, and you are the one who works for them, but don’t just assume they would be.