Toy situation with child I nanny

[Nannywest]

The child I look after is lovely but I feel like I’m honestly at the end of my tether with how our afternoons are. I look after them after school in their own house but it is so incredibly difficult to set out any activity to do. They have lovely parents who work hard long hours which I feel has contributed to this.

Every toy they have is plastic tat. None of it is looked after. There are remnants of toys that were once sets but now are just bits of plastic at the bottom of a toy box. Any art supplies are here, there and everywhere. Ruined because child has been allowed to dig through them and damage anything usable. So when child plays after school, I don’t feel like I can play properly with them. I try to make shift things with what’s there but then child gets frustrated at say my ‘bed for a figure’ because it’s not actually a bed. Whilst the plastic bed they had is snapped at the bottom of toy box.

I think the parents clearly buy child any gift shop toy when they go out to make up for them working so much, which is lovely of them, but broken slinkies and crushed bouncy balls from the museum do not allow me to create any proper set up activity.

AIBU for being annoyed at this? They are well off people and all I have to go off is boxes and boxes of plastic pieces of toys that were once whole.

Lego. Infinite possibilities and many bricks can't be broken.

You can make a bed out of an old cardboard box, intact a whole dollhouse. Imagination is what you need.

In fact!

You might not be suited to this particular family. There’s nothing wrong with that. I won’t nanny for families with work from home parents because I’ve found it’s always too awkward. It means I don’t have full options of all families but that’s my choice. A jumbled work environment with broken toys and no proper resources wouldn’t work for me.

Play and activities should be child led, not set up by Nanny.
Sure, I might get something out and make a suggestion, my DC have brilliant imaginative play sessions because I don't interfere. I've always just got down on their level and joined if and where they have wanted me to.

They have been entertained and busy all day at school. They probably want to come home from school and chill. Instead they have you interfering and trying to get them to play with their toys in the way you want them to.

I say back off, ask them if they want you involved and if they say yes, then ask them in what capacity. Be guided by them and step back.

I know it's not ideal but would you keep an eye out on any freecycle pages or charity shops and see if you could pick up something suitable for a few pounds?

I'm trying to understand what the actual problem is here?

Doesn't sound like the child is unhappy - they want to play with their stuff and just don't want you to get involved?

Doesn't sound like the parents are unhappy with the current toy set up.

The only unhappy person is you, because you want to play with toys in a particular way?

Maybe buy a couple of toy sets and baking sets from a pound showyourself and bring them on particular days.

"Today I've brought a post office game".

"Today, let's have a tea party".

"Today, let's make cupcakes".

You can play, pack up and take home with you. Problem solved!

It sounds like you're the only one who is put out by this.
The child and her parents are quite happy.
Maybe this just isn't the right job for you?
Aren't you just trying to impose things on this child which are neither wanted nor appreciated?

I do this, over the years I've built up a collection of my own resources - mostly from charity shops and the scrap. I pack a different selection into my wheely box each week (along with books, playdough and a box with my own tape, scissors, glue sticks, pencil sharpener etc). The kids can't wait to see what's in the box!

This is really weird. Why does the child need to only play with things that go together in one particular way? You seem quite controlling!

I wouldn't hesitate to sort out the toys and the playroom either - that's the nanny's job - I hate a messy, disorganised playroom.

You need to work with what you've got. Here's some ideas....

Hide a doll's head somewhere in the room while they close their eyes, then have them find it.

Set a timer for 2 minutes, whoever finds the most green/ yellow/ things beginning with B/ etc etc... things in the toybox is the winner.

Take it in turns to tell a story. You say a word, they say the next one, see how crazy it turns out.

Do a crazy drawing if you can find a piece of paper and pencil. Try to draw each other with your eyes closed/ without taking your pencil off the paper.

Set up a 'treasure' hunt for them by writing clues to find around the house.

Play some music on your phone/ TV, help them make up a dance routine.

Develop their critical thinking and reasoning skills with a lengthy silly game of 'Would You Rather?'

Put your socks on your ears and pretend you're a bunny rabbit.

Okay you get the idea. I definitely wouldn't be asking the parents to buy more toys. Let the child direct things, I would only offer suggestions if they seem bored.

Then take a hint & leave the child to play by themselves! They've had a full day of interacting already. The parents have said the child can do what they want, they're not expecting anything beyond supervision, the child is happy.

I would say to the parents that you have some ideas for imaginative play, and how would they feel about giving you a small budget/kitty for supplies?

You can have a bag of toys/craft supplies that you have chosen with particular play in mind. Bring it nannying- it will be a novelty for the child. When you leave, take them with you.

If my nanny suggested that, I'd think it was great.

Could you just go ahead and try and sort everything without asking parents?

I'm really chuckling at the description of the game with paper, pencil, dolls head and block!

Honestly, I was being generous with that description because I really do mean the boxes of stuff is literally things like a square piece of plastic from something or other.

Ive worked with this child for a year and I know that they would love the activities I would set up. On the occasion they have had a new set before it has a chance to be split into a million different boxes, they love it. The toys are just not cared for enough whilst I’m not there for us to continue it.

You can make a bed out of an old cardboard box, intact a whole dollhouse. Imagination is what you need.

This is what I do. It’s the child who gets frustrated by this because they don’t have the actual toy - when they do - it’s just been broken because it’s thrown in a box

Maybe this just isn't the right job for you?

Ive been doing this for 10 years in different settings. This isn’t some new revelation.

This is really weird. Why does the child need to only play with things that go together in one particular way? You seem quite controlling!

Im not trying to control how they play. My issue is that the child only has random bits of broken plastic toys that aren’t much use for anything especially when they already struggle with imaginative play.

I wouldn't hesitate to sort out the toys and the playroom either - that's the nanny's job - I hate a messy, disorganised playroom.

I don’t have an issue with clearing up after we’ve played. But It isn’t my job to organise and clear up broken plastic pieces already there every time I show up to work. I do it. But there’s no organising bits of toys like a car door from a car they no longer have or a leg of a doll.

Anyway thank you for the replies. Some good suggestions about how to go about this.

I made (by my daughters' opinion) an amazing doll house from a wardrobe door! I was always the child that made anything and everything from cardboard boxes and marker pens.

Here's the link if anyone wants to do it themselves.
https://www.homebase.co.uk/ideas-advice/diy/build-dollhouse-using-hammer-drill/

YABU, you are there to do a job not give out your opinion on what you think of the toys.

All DD’s toys are whole, unbroken and cared for. She’ll still make up a game with a piece of paper, a pen, a doll and a block. The other day it was “let’s play guess the ball, we each get a unicorn and a domino. Now you tiddlywink!” Just play?

I wasn’t thinking this was that bad because my DC will play with anything (like literally she’ll have a whole game with a piece of string being a cat or whatever). I would either talk to the parents about it (our nanny certainly would have), or move on to a new job. Not a new career but you don’t have to stay if you don’t enjoy the environment. I don’t think our nanny would take on a family that was so messy, she mentioned a couple times finding that kind of environment stressful (as do I!!).