Toy situation with child I nanny

[Nannywest]

The child I look after is lovely but I feel like I’m honestly at the end of my tether with how our afternoons are. I look after them after school in their own house but it is so incredibly difficult to set out any activity to do. They have lovely parents who work hard long hours which I feel has contributed to this.

Every toy they have is plastic tat. None of it is looked after. There are remnants of toys that were once sets but now are just bits of plastic at the bottom of a toy box. Any art supplies are here, there and everywhere. Ruined because child has been allowed to dig through them and damage anything usable. So when child plays after school, I don’t feel like I can play properly with them. I try to make shift things with what’s there but then child gets frustrated at say my ‘bed for a figure’ because it’s not actually a bed. Whilst the plastic bed they had is snapped at the bottom of toy box.

I think the parents clearly buy child any gift shop toy when they go out to make up for them working so much, which is lovely of them, but broken slinkies and crushed bouncy balls from the museum do not allow me to create any proper set up activity.

AIBU for being annoyed at this? They are well off people and all I have to go off is boxes and boxes of plastic pieces of toys that were once whole.

Should’ve said, not that bad until you said the child struggles with imaginative play! Mine will tell babysitters/adults to go away so she can do her story and wouldn’t want you to set it up for her but sounds like this kid needs it.

They really do. If they shoved a doll in a toilet roll and called it a rocket, I’m here for it! I think people think I’m complaining we can’t have prim and proper tea parties with matching crockery. That’s not the issue. This child doesn’t know how to play with their imagination and having toys with clear purposes helps them so much.

Could you ask the parents for a small budget to buy a few new things? My eldest also struggles with imagination and this set up would really frustrate her.

You could pick up a few good condition used toys or art supplies cheaply on Facebook market place and take one each time then take it home with you so it stays in decent condition.

If the child is school aged maybe you could ask if you can help set up a system for the toys so child can find what they need? If they're getting frustrated that they can't find the bed for x figure for example that came with it, that is a good conversation starter to have with child and parents about keeping things in sets or types of toys together.

Once there are set boxes for set things it should be fairly simple for them to keep the system in place?

I'm a mum who was a childminder for 16 years too and even toddlers quickly knew which box was for cars, which was for blocks, etc. They could play with them all mixed together. My youngest made a lovely mixed combo world of Shopkins, Lego and happyland the other day. But he was perfectly capable of putting it all back in its proper boxes when we were done playing.

I'd seriously open up a conversation about it and ask if you can help the child reorganise their toys. Explain you can make it a fun project with the child and support them and that it will help him to play more happily going forward as he's struggling to find things or finding them broken etc.

You've got to talk to the parents about it. Explain the way the child is struggling with imaginative play. Ask if they would mind you suggesting a couple of basic sets- (lego and a shop for example) and ask if they'd mind you organising the toys a bit.
My DS has organised sets of toys but still likes to get everything out of his 'bits and pieces' box of broken tat and make up his own game, which is great. It sounds like the child you look after needs a bit of encouragement and a few more toys. It is definitely good to be able to set up a shop or tea party scenario and let them explore it and even if a dolls head is still one of the characters coming in to buy something, it's good to have something to start with sometimes.
Would you be able to ask the parents for this or for some money to go and buy some?

This child doesn’t know how to play with their imagination and having toys with clear purposes helps them so much.

But the impression you gave before was that they were quite content just playing by themselves with their bits and pieces of plastic?

Sorry, I don’t mean to sound confrontational. I’m just struggling to understand the problem. The child seems content to play alone. The parents are content with that. If the child struggles with imaginative play then what are they actually doing when they’re just with their toys and you are observing?

I liked to play alone when I was a child - I had little imagination for toys - but I did have a dolls' hospital set up in my bedroom.

I was very imaginative when it came to writing, though.

OP - you can't judge all children the same. I get an uneasy feeling that you're trying to shoehorn this child into a box which doesn't suit her temperament. You do sound controlling and unable to hear others' points of view.

You ought really to let the child lead you.

This sounds like a brilliant game, what am I missing?

I don’t think it’s controlling to say ‘it’s hard to work as a childcare professional amongst a mess of broken and disorganised toys.’ I wouldn’t want to work at a nursery full of broken toys. Or nanny for a family who were extremely messy or disorganised. It just wouldn’t work for me, and I don’t think it’s controlling to say that.

Oh god, you'd hate our house. It is really hard to stay on top of when a) you don't have the time or b) the space for good storage solutions.

I don't see why you can't make sorting out a bit of a game one day. Sorting in itself is a learning activity. You can get everything out and sort it, then leave one box with random mismatches stuff and try to keep the rest separate for more organised play.

Op I was a nanny. I don't think you are being unreasonable. Odd broken toys, fine. But this kid doesn't sound like they have anything that's still in one piece.
I would go through and get rid of all the useless broken toys, and ask if you can purchase some new toys that the child can help pick out.

Honestly unless the parents are actually in the play room/kids room while you are there with the child, I don't see how you can't just chip away at it.

Pick a box. Split it into two boxes - broken/for the bin and for a toybox. Just work your way through them, and remind the child that the broken/to bin box is now off limits. Once it's full, just bag it up and ask the parents what do do with it.

At least then within a week or two the only toys left in the room will be safe to be played with. Then work on sorting them.

I am actually curious how so many of the toys are getting broken. Even the 'Poundland' type toys need to have a bit of force aimed towards them to break.
A doll doesn't lose a leg unless she is being handled very rough.
I would actually be worried that there is some anger issues from someone in that family.

It sounds to me like: the child doesn’t want to go out, is happy to have someone to play with them- but can’t stretch their imagination to ‘fill in the gaps’ for the things they don’t have (like: let’s play tea parties! But we’ve got no plates. Let’s use these frisbees. Child gets cross because they aren’t real plates).

but they would have the real thing- if everything wasn’t trashed and piecemeal.

Do they tend to just break/trash things when they play alone?