Feeling sad about being left out

[Quandary45]

New mum woes!

In-laws are here staying with us to celebrate MIL and DH's birthdays.

PIL, SIL and partner, plus my DH have all gone out for a fancy meal this evening, leaving me and 3 month old DD behind. SIL booked the restaurant and made the plan without asking first, and we were invited - but there was no way this place would be welcoming to a baby so young, on a Saturday night. If I were another patron I probably wouldn't want one there either.

Just a bit sad to be left at home. I'm EBF so can't/won't leave DD with anyone yet, which I guess is my choice. I am probably BU but just wish they had thought to book something for the daytime/somewhere more child-friendly.

I'd have gone and taken the baby as it looks like an early table if you're posting now. I assume you were invited?

Aw, that's not very nice is it? Your SIL should have been a lot more tactful, and in your shoes I'd have hoped my DP would have made her change that.

Surely you were all together in the daytime anyway if they’re staying?
It sucks to be limited when you have a baby but ultimately it’s no reason for the other adults to stay in on the evening because you don’t want to bring the baby.

That does sound really shit of them to arrange something that you- clearly can't join in with, even though you are hosting them!!! I wouldn't be happy either.

Your SIL should have known better, but if she invited you and doesn’t yet have children might not of grasped this HOWEVER your ‘d’h absolutely should have spoken up on your behalf once he realised and changed the plans - as you so often hear on mumsnet, you have a DH problem.

Well as you obviously haven't gone then use the time as me time. Watch some nonsense on the telly, do a face mask, nice hot chocolate, pile of toast, sorted.

Why was DH okay with this? SIL may have booked it but they all chose to go along with it. I’d have taken the baby, doubt anyone would really have noticed such a small one. But they should have tried to include you.

What did your DH make of it? I feel sad for you that they all left you to have a night out, it’s just so rude really. Sorry op, but I would be pissed off with my DH too if it were me.

You can go out for the evening with a 3 month old if you want to.

@Sissynova yes you're right. Just sad/missing my old life of freedom I guess. I think it's just a bummer that this was the big birthday celebration - we could have done that earlier today but they wanted to rest before the big night out.

@ThePoshUns I could have checked the restaurant but its a bit snooty/there's a dress code so I assumed no babies.

I’ve taken small babies to various fancy places. As long as you take them outside if they are noisy it’s fine - and much easier than when they’re older and have a proper bedtime. It’s a good thing to do in a big group so that you can pass the baby round and eat with 2 hands.

Perhaps SIL assumed you’d do the same?

you should have went along

So what did your DH say when you said you didn't think it was suitable?

Why wasn't it either:

1. I'll check if babies can go, or
2. Let's do something else to celebrate my birthday then

Also, tbf to DH when he told me the plans and I said there was no way I would be able to go, he offered to ask them to cancel but I thought it was unfair to everyone else. Didn't think I'd be that bothered but I am. Too late now - totally my fault.

so you werent left out, you choose not to go

@Saffronn yes I think she did assume I would bring DD. Feel a bit silly now not trying to take her, but she's cluster feeding lots and I think I would have been stressed out about potentially having to breastfeed throughout the whole meal

I understand. It makes the whole having a baby thing feel a little overwhelming, you can no longer go out when you want for a meal, you have someone else to think of. It’s a big life change having a baby and (especially if exclusively breastfeeding) can be a little restrictive sometimes while it feels everyone else is swanning off free as a bird.

Get a takeaway or some snacks and snuggle with your baby and watch trashy tv/read/scroll mumsnet.

This place is a trip sometimes.

No way would my SIL have done this. And we don’t even like each other!

Why not take the baby? I take my 3 month old out to dinner every week!

So you weren't left out, you were invited, but you assumed that the baby wouldn't be welcome so you ducked out. DH offered to change it but you declined.

I get it's a bit of a downer, but I think this one is entirely of your own making.

Text or call your husband & ask him to bring you home a dessert, or two 🎂

I’d have taken baby tbh, at 3 months they are very portable, you could have put babe in a sling and they would probably sleep or feed discreetly through it.

I understand. It’s the sort of thing I’d have done too. But I’m definitely the sort of person to cut their nose off!

I hope you can have a better day tomorrow.

You’re SIL wouldn’t have done what though? Invited you to a meal at 6/7pm latest?
The OP wasn’t left out, she was invited and chose not to go.

Nor mine. But then, my SIL is a sensible woman who understands that a parent of a 3m old is unlikely to enjoy herself in a resturant that's not welcoming to babies, particularly if the baby is fractious and disturbing others.
Also, that there's limited fun in an evening with a real possibility of eating one handed, while holding, placating or BF a baby.
Perhaps the OPs SiL is like the people on this thread, that seem to think a baby can be taken anywhere with as little stress and disturbance as a handbag, and the OP is at fault for not knowing that.