Feeling sad about being left out

[Quandary45]

New mum woes!

In-laws are here staying with us to celebrate MIL and DH's birthdays.

PIL, SIL and partner, plus my DH have all gone out for a fancy meal this evening, leaving me and 3 month old DD behind. SIL booked the restaurant and made the plan without asking first, and we were invited - but there was no way this place would be welcoming to a baby so young, on a Saturday night. If I were another patron I probably wouldn't want one there either.

Just a bit sad to be left at home. I'm EBF so can't/won't leave DD with anyone yet, which I guess is my choice. I am probably BU but just wish they had thought to book something for the daytime/somewhere more child-friendly.

I voted YABU because no reason why you can’t take a 3 month baby to a fancy restaurant. But then I read the bit about the dress code 😮. What kind of a restaurant has a dress code?!

It's not unreasonable to now feel sad, but you did exclude yourself. Could they bring something back for you, cake or similar?
For future events, a breastfed 3 month old is great, we took our first DS to a restaurant at around 12 weeks, he slept most of the time, woke up and whinged and rooted, popped him on for a feed and he was settled and soon sleeping again.
It's now, that we have 2 young toddlers who like to leave the table and wander, that we avoid eating out!

Oh lovey I remember those early says, it's hard isn't it. Plan something nice for yourself in the week, maybe n undisturbed bath with candles or a walk alone or an coffee in a coffee shop. I EBFed too and the advice I wish I'd taken was that baby wont starve in the space of an hour. Daddy can take baby for a walk or in the car but that hour isllnow and then without a small person in the fourth trimester will refresh you like you wouldn't believe X

he offered to ask them to cancel but I thought it was unfair to everyone else. Didn't think I'd be that bothered but I am. Too late now - totally my fault.

Errrr, no.

Your DH has taken the option to put the decision onto you, so that you would let him off easy.

That was really not fair in you.

As a parent of a EBF new born, he should have been politely explaining that MiL/DSis can do whatever they think right. He would not be leaving the mother of his children behind in order to celebrate his birthday.

Never mind leaving you to feel guilty about not being OK with this.

The nature of our family celebrations change, depending on the ages of all the members of that family. It's only decent to put on hold plans for posh grown ups when you have such young children.

Isn't it obvious that you don't just leave out the new mother who is looking after your children?

Please don't feel guilty, OP, and make sure you pick a time to explain how you feel about this to DH. I hope for his sake that he gets it when it is spelt out to him.

Keep in mind Maya Angelou's' words 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them'

Hope you can sort it out with him.

@Quandary45
I totally understand. And I think your DH should have fought for you at all costs and made a way to include you. I am angry on your behalf.

With a 3mo baby you should be being looked after as you’re unlikely to have the energy to advocate for yourself over things like this.

Tomorrow I would tell your DH that you were upset that the plans weren’t suitable for you and from this day forward you want to be treated with the respect and importance the mother of his child deserves. You should not be missing out because you have just given birth.

I was in your position many times and did not do this. My DH is now an ex-DH.