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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if I should be concerned about my BF’s reaction?

61 replies

Seagullschips · 06/05/2023 16:54

I’ve been with my BF for 2 years but known him 3 as we work together. He split from his 3 years ago- has barely spoken to her since but does sometimes see her in social situations as they have same uni friends a couple times a year. They get on ok but don’t seem to like each other.

Anyway, BF found out last night that his friend is now dating his ex and has been for a few months. BF has been absolutely what I would call devastated for the past 24 hours. Going from upset to angry, saying he feels disgusted and betrayed. That both of them should go f themselves. He doesn’t want them seeing each other and he wants to put a stop to it. That it’s going to cause him anxiety and pain if he ever sees them together.

I sort of let him get on with it last night thinking by this morning he would feel better but this morning we were suppose to go to a street party with friends and family and he refused to go saying that he’s “depressed” and “hurt”. Refusing to even come out and socialise and has stayed home.

I went out without him and again have just messaged asking if he wants some food and he’s said “he can barely eat”.

I don’t really know how to react to be honest. This isn’t a close friend of BF and his ex is hardly around and I feel a bit confused and miffed he’s acting like this.

I’m not sure how I’d feel about my friend dating my ex but I can’t imagine cancelling my whole weekends plans for it!

So AIBU if I go home and tell him to get a grip? We are all 34 btw! Not teenagers!

OP posts:
LlamaFace19 · 06/05/2023 16:57

I agree he's massively overreacting. I get being a bit miffed as many people think a friend's ex is off limits, but aggrieved to the point of not eating? Odd.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 06/05/2023 16:57

Tell him to grow up. He's meant to have moved on for the last two years, why can't she? He sounds pathetic.

ChubbyMorticia · 06/05/2023 16:57

Uh, I’d say his reaction is unhealthy. He’s been with you for two years and now is having a breakdown over who his ex is dating? Yeah, no.

GodisaBC · 06/05/2023 16:58

Mmm sounds like he’s still in love with her. What other reason could there be for him being so upset.

TomatoSandwiches · 06/05/2023 16:59

It's a bit pathetic, is he more upset over his friend or the ex though?

Meeting · 06/05/2023 17:00

He's completely out of order.

CaroleSinger · 06/05/2023 17:00

Perhaps tell him that his reaction suggests he might still have feelings for her. He wouldn't be reacting like this about someone he was completely over.

affor · 06/05/2023 17:04

I disagree. Id be pretty pissed off in a friend of mine dated my ex, especially behind my back.

GalileoHumpkins · 06/05/2023 17:04

He's totally overreacting, disgusted, and betrayed by something that has nothing to do with him. I'd be eye-rolling and telling him to do one.

Seagullschips · 06/05/2023 17:04

It initially started as anger towards his friend but has moved into anger over the both of them that he finds it so hurtful. he just kept saying that they were doing it to wind him up but I’ve told him that takes some bloody commitment on their part!

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 06/05/2023 17:09

He's got quite the ego to come up with that reasoning.
I would find this behaviour really unattractive.

ohfourfoxache · 06/05/2023 17:12

Hmm….🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Ivyiris · 06/05/2023 17:20

This is an over top reaction. I don't mean to worry you but the way he is acting is like he still has feelings.

Odile13 · 06/05/2023 17:21

It sounds like a massive overreaction. These two people are allowed to date whoever they want and it isn’t about him. He is also being very insensitive to you.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2023 17:22

They've been split up for three years.

I can maybe understanding being a bit upset but his reaction is hugely OTT. Are you sure he doesn't still have feelings for her?

Cosyblankets · 06/05/2023 17:25

I'd be getting my running shoes on!
He can barely eat? FFS!

Seagullschips · 06/05/2023 17:25

I really don’t know, I did mention last night are you sure this isn’t about her and he said no, that it’s just weird that his mate would want to date her and the disrespect of it all.

Now, he’s just moping around like he’s hard done by which is the part that’s really annoying me, and he’s been messaging other friends to tell his ex and the friend she’s dating that they’re dicks and he’s hope they’re happy together!

I didn’t really know how to respond because I’ve never been in this situation or had a friend date my ex so I wasn’t sure how I would react but can’t imagine I’d be too fussed after all this time.

OP posts:
Krabappel · 06/05/2023 17:28

He's acting like she's cheating on him. Are things ok between you two? He's so invested in this woman

SunshineAndFizz · 06/05/2023 17:29

Sorry, he's not over her.

It would be strange if an ex started dating a good mate, but his reaction is waaay over the top.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2023 17:30

I could understand his feelings if they'd only just broken up, or were still together and she cheated - but it's been three years and he's in a new relationship with you.

I genuinely don't understand why he cares so much if there are no feelings there.

Gymmum82 · 06/05/2023 17:33

Weird and OTT. I’d be running for the hills

WhoWants2Know · 06/05/2023 17:34

Messaging other mates to bring them in to it will just make him look pathetic.

PurpleSky09 · 06/05/2023 17:34

To be fair I don't think I'd like it either if I found out my ex was with one of my friends, even if I wasn't that close with the friend anymore. I know it's totally unreasonable of me, I just think it'd piss me off and I do think I'd dwell on it for a while.

Onlywords86 · 06/05/2023 17:36

It sounds like he’s being over dramatic. That said, I broke up from my ex 11 years ago and have been with dp for 9 years and I would definitely be spooked/ upset if a friend started dating my ex. We had a very bad break up (he cheated) and I’ve had minimal contact with him since so I think it depends a bit on how the relationship ended. I find anything to do with him (even writing this!) a bit traumatic

pinkyredrose · 06/05/2023 17:37

I'd be majorly fucked off if i was you. Why does he give a rats arse!

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