Sick to death of people having to comment on me

[Aaarrrrghhh]

'She's shy isn't she'

I am in my early 30s and work in a care home in a senior position.
Today I've made endless phone calls, welcomed numerous visitors, spoken to people from external agencies and so on. I have been told I'm doing a good job and no concerns have been raised.

We had a lady who fell very unwell and her daughter was quite upset, so I consoled her.

On the way out this daughter was speaking to a colleague of mine. She was asking him if he could call x agency in regards to her mother and then I heard her whisper to him 'I don't think I should ask that lady to do it, she's a bit shy isn't she.'

I'm the one who literally called her to inform her her mother was unwell.

I couldn't be bothered conversing with her after that.

I hate how only one type of personality is desired, and that's outgoing. I am quieter but I don't think that should matter. I think I speak clearly and have confidence in what I'm saying.

I am a little shy sometimes but as I say I communicate a lot in my job which does help. I just hate how it's always commented on by people negatively, it honestly makes me feel so ashamed.

You would never say 'Oh don't ask her/I don't like her/ anything negative because she's outgoing/loud/chatty.'
I know I'm just ranting on but I've had this my entire life and it's driven me to the point of depression.
That's why I'm going for a WFH job. It makes me not want to leave the house. I'm probably being dramatic but what am I supposed to do. I've actually come to despise the word shy.

I'm the person who contacted her, contacted the paramedics and so on and I think it's very ignorant of her to suggest I'd be too terrified to make a phone call.

I don’t like the chatty ones! Ignore her, just be who you are, I’m sure there are many people who appreciate you.

I liked who I am but constantly made to feel that I have problems.

I don't have many close friends so that probably says a lot. People think I'm nice

Oops! People think I'm nice but not really interested in being my close friend.

some people just talk to fill space, they have nothing of any value to say. Don’t worry about it

You're right. She was so rude whispering about me. She wouldn't even have known her mother was ill if it weren't for me. I'm in my 30s and treated like a little girl.

This has really touched a nerve for you? Obviously she’s wrong and also rude to comment in that way.

You sound like a very capable person and it also sounds as if you want to work from home only to avoid uncomfortable situations like this which seems a shame. Do you think you could find some strategies that help you ignore rude comments or to deal with them?

I hope you feel better about this soon as you did your job well and you know that.

But if you do end up wfh, make sure you still go out to meet people. We all need that. Maybe you’ve not met your people yet?

If I were so shit surely I'd have been sacked or at least had a warning? But nothing.
Thanks for your kind words.

I don't know what strategies would be effective really. I'm sick to death of being picked on for it, but honestly want to wfh now.

I'm in what is normally seen as a very outgoing job. And it's funny because I'm actually very shy with peers and I would say I'm more introverted in how I decompress. But in my job there are certain clients who gravitate more towards me being quiet and gentler than to the louder more outgoing members of my team even though we're doing the same thing. Other clients will gravitate towards the other louder staff. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round and in your job you'll encounter lots of different personalities and you'll be exactly what some of them prefer. I had to learn that to be able to be confident in my role and now I'm in a more specialised safeguarding position as a result of recognising my own strengths because I do better on a one to one and I can handle difficult disclosures quite well because I've received more of them over the years. Your approach can be your strength if you embrace it, you might find you are more observant or thoughtful than someone who's more outgoing may be and together you provide a full package which benefits your clientele.
Yanbu to wfh if that's what you want and you feel you'd enjoy, but don't let others force you into that. Just because someone doesn't see your value doesn't make you any less valuable.

I get the opposite, because I’m loud and chatty I have to always do everything/be super friendly/outgoing/fix whatever. On the rare occasion I take a back seat to give others a chance I’m asked if I’m surely well and what’s upset me. People need to stop commenting on people full stop. It’s perfectly okay to be chatty sometimes but other times not.

I think you should ignore it. It sounds annoying but people often have something annoying to say. You sound good at your job. Don't quit because people make silly comments.

she was rude to whisper about you and its. learnt upset you

but you haven't done her a favour calling her - it was your responsibility to do so

Do you speak quietly? I think speaking either particularly loudly or quietly can be a bit jarring for other people.

There is a guy at work who speaks very softly and I must say I do find it a bit weird/annoying straining to hear.

You don't sound shy, perhaps "reserved" because you are naturally an introvert and don't talk for the sake of it.

Be assertive and politely correct people? "I'm not shy just use my words carefully and only when needed"

I avoid loud people

is it possible she's just chatting shit to take her mind of other stuff? Love working at home though, done it since 2016, it's so cool and I'm in a small flat, rather work in a bedroom than deal with work chat.

I think you're wrong actually. Just about everybody appreciates a calm, practical person. Yes, outgoing people are great in care homes because they can bring a certain energy. But you can't have that all the time. It's too exhausting for everyone. They need the more self contained people to make the atmosphere feel calm, ordered and safe, which is good for older, easily confused people.
But nobody pleases everybody. We tend not to think of all our successful interactions, instead fretting over small incidents that didn't go so well.
Trust me, I have a mum in a care home, and there is a real mixture of character types on the staff. But we appreciate them all because they are all so wonderful and kind - and, more importantly, my mum does too. Anyone that doesn't realise how important you are, really isn't worth giving much headspace to, to be honest.

You would never say 'Oh don't ask her/I don't like her/ anything negative because she's outgoing/loud/chatty.'

I would, and I have. More than once. My workplace had a couple of people who were loud and who never shut up. I blocked a change of role (not a promotion and no extra money involved) for one of them as I felt that it was a role that needed a calm listener rather than a (constant) interrupter. The other one caused me, for the first time in a forty year career, to go to my boss and ask for her not to be put in my team (it wasn't the done thing to make requests like that in my job). Fortunately my boss knew me very well, had already recognised that it would never work and it turned out that she wouldn't have put her with me anyway.

Thanks you've made me feel better. I know it was my responsibility I think I phrased it wrongly, but I mean I think she's ridiculous saying I'd be too frightened to make a call when I'm the one who called her in the first place.

I just feel so self conscious and paranoid that all of my colleagues talk about me now. I've got one colleague who's called 2 other people quiet behind their back.

I don't feel I should have to change my personality well I didn't initially but most people seem to think there's something wrong with me and I shouldn't be who I am.

I appreciate all your words and I'll try to feel better.

Wow I'm reading this differently. Like it's one example, not lots and lots - does this happen a lot because maybe you do need to address it?
But she's asking someone to do a task and trying to be considerate to what she perceives your strengths/weaknesses as a team. Prob just offering an explanation as to why she's asking him if you've been talking to her.

If her mum is very ill- was the other agency she was talking about a hospital or hospice?- the woman was not her best self.
I found everyone I dealt with around a loved ones dying unprofessional, brusque, annoying etc. I was just very thin skinned and anxious.

I work in medical and constantly get...you'd be so much prettier if you lost a few stone. I'm 61 thank you and I've been trying for years, bugger off. I feel like saying you'd be so much nicer if you kept your rude comments to yourself.

Blimey!
I would say that and I'd probably add "you'd be ugly either way".

who says that to you?

OP, that woman was rude and probably doesn't know any better than to whisper🙄.

Don't change who you are but perhaps you could develop some strategies just for work to comfortably assert yourself.

Don't give up working at this place if you enjoy it.

Read up on assertiveness.

You are who you are , but many many people adapt themselves for work.

My husband will attend social events at his company because he thinks it's important that the younger staff put a face to his name.

He always dreads it a bit but is glad afterwards as he remembers him self at the beginning of his career and it is nice to see the enthusiasm and energy of young graduates a year or two into working.

You sound e extremely competent and capable.

My friend who started lecturing many years was softly spoken and was told kindly that she needed to work on voice projection to assert herself.

She did and it worked.

Check YouTube out.

Don't allow a couple of silly opinions derail you.