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AIBU?

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Original poster

To start going to church even though I'm not religious?

173 replies

happyclam · 06/05/2023 14:01

A bit of background.. I've reached a 'settling down' period of my life. I live in a smallish town, lots of new build estates etc. And recently I've really started to feel lacking a community / network? I don't have a big family and while I have friends (who mainly live in a different part of the country) and workmates, I just feel I'm missing out on a local network / community..

I'm not at all religious - but I've started to feel like I'd love to be part of local church or parish community. Went to a Christmas service and loved the whole feeling of it. Is that absolutely ridiculous idea? Is it disrespectful to 'proper' Christians? Or how else do others get a sense of community? Part of me would want to join the WI but everyone is about 80...

All thoughts welcome!

OP posts:
jackstini · 06/05/2023 14:03

I'm a Christian and do t think it would be disrespectful at all
It's a lovely thing to be a part of and we would welcome you in our church Smile

KeyanSt · 06/05/2023 14:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it was posted by a PBP.

lightand · 06/05/2023 14:05

You would be very welcome in churches.

lightand · 06/05/2023 14:05

I am saying that as a Christian.

RafaistheKingofClay · 06/05/2023 14:06

You’d be fine.

HoldingTheDoor · 06/05/2023 14:06

I would class this as Christian Appropriation, like Cultural Appropriation and agree with you that it could be seen as disrespectful. Go if you are willing to learn and to convert, but not a place IMO where you can just hang out and have something to do to fill up your spare time.

Churches are there not only for praise and worship but to serve the community and help people. At least the "good ones" are.

PomPomChatton · 06/05/2023 14:07

Surely everyone is 'not religious' when they start going to church. Go, no one is going to ask you what you believe.

tulippa · 06/05/2023 14:08

Seems a bit disingenuous to me. So you'd just sit there and pretend? Or would you say that you don't believe in anything they're doing but can you join in anyway?
There must be some community groups or volunteering networks. Walking or hobby clubs. Sports teams. Or maybe a humanist group?
Is your locality on Nextdoor? That site often has social group you can join.

Malarandras · 06/05/2023 14:08

Christians are supposed to be welcoming so I can’t see why any real Christians would oppose this.

SoYoung · 06/05/2023 14:08

I don't know, people seem to be one way or the other on this. Some say it's a community friendly place where all are welcome, whatever their religious beliefs.

Others think it's a bit like going to an AA meeting and being like "I'm here for the snacks".

BreviloquentBastard · 06/05/2023 14:09

My local church welcomed me for very similar reasons. I love the sense of community, I enjoy helping with charitable and community events, I like to be involved. I'm not really religious and they know that, but they're very welcoming, open, and happy to have another pair of hands to help.

Fudgewomble · 06/05/2023 14:09

You would be welcome in my church

ditalini · 06/05/2023 14:09

A parish church is for the whole community. YANBU to attend services and take from them whatever you need, which may well be just some time out and being part of a group.

You would be unreasonable to pretend to believe things you don't, but 100% they'll be happy to have you as they are.

HoldingTheDoor · 06/05/2023 14:10

I'm an ardent Atheist and dislike religion but I do a lot of volunteering and that often involves working with or in local churches. I don't know one of them that would have a problem with the OP joining them.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/05/2023 14:10

I have been going to church for about 10 years since DD was a toddler. I don’t believe in any of it, but I like the family/community aspects of it. No one has ever pressed me on what I believe.

lavenderlou · 06/05/2023 14:10

I'm agnostic and I go. Tooky kids to a free playgroup and got to know some people who went so I gave it a try. Now I run the Sunday school. I've made lots of friends and I do like the music and the opportunity for stillness and reflection.

Blackcountryexile · 06/05/2023 14:12

I would encourage you to give church a try. I think people often enjoy and benefit from the feeling of community and the calm and peaceful atmosphere even if they don't have a strong faith.
What about seeing what your local library has on offer as well? You can go in or check online. Perhaps you might enjoy a reading group?

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 06/05/2023 14:12

Churches serve the local community. As long as you don’t stand I church announcing that it’s all a load of rubbish, then yes you can go. A good church brings a community together - and things that do that are few and far these days.

Original poster
happyclam · 06/05/2023 14:12

Thank you everyone for your answers so far, it's really interesting to hear your thoughts!

Just to say, I'm not 'anti religious' I feel I live by Christian values and believe in the messages and lessons, I just don't think I'm think I believe in afterlife / a creator.

Interesting about other societies / groups - I live in a town without lots of options for this and don't have any big hobbies (like running or cycling)

OP posts:
HoldingTheDoor · 06/05/2023 14:13

Just make sure that you eat their soup if they offer it though. I got a death glare and was growled at to "Eat the soup!" once by a very scary lady when I was volunteering at an event and politely declined a bowl of it. The look she gave me still haunts my nightmares.

AlltheFs · 06/05/2023 14:15

I’m not religious but we live in a small village with a beautiful old church. We have loads of church based events as well as the usual Xmas, Easter etc and I go along to those. No-one asks me what I believe, it’s fine.

It’s the heart of the village here still, DD will be going to the village school and they are all CofE here-they don’t care what religion anyone is either.

Original poster
happyclam · 06/05/2023 14:15

HoldingTheDoor · 06/05/2023 14:13

Just make sure that you eat their soup if they offer it though. I got a death glare and was growled at to "Eat the soup!" once by a very scary lady when I was volunteering at an event and politely declined a bowl of it. The look she gave me still haunts my nightmares.

Ha! I will remember this if I do give it a try!

OP posts:
Parisj · 06/05/2023 14:15

I asked dh and he said as long as I was there with an open heart and mind, in his view it was ok. I stopped going. My aunt who has been long term involved with the church recently told me she was an atheist. I guess its a common thing maybe. I do think its hard to find community these days, everything is a bit too casual.

KnittingSister · 06/05/2023 14:16

I think there are as many reasons for going to church as there are people in church that day. There are many different aspects of church, the music, the quiet, the reflection, the people, the wisdom, the friendship. We all need and receive different things at different times.
I didn't know about 'church shopping' until we joined our church, but now I know that it's quite normal for people to visit different churches in their search for a church that suits them.
Join in, enjoy, good luck!

HarrietStyles · 06/05/2023 14:17

I think that if you were atheist then it wouldn’t be appropriate. But if you are in sync with some Christian values, enjoy church services…… then go for it. My parents are very religious, whereas I am not. But I’ll happily go along to church services with my extended family at Easter and a Christmas etc. and my children enjoy going to Messy Church, so I take them to that.

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