To start going to church even though I'm not religious?

[happyclam]

A bit of background.. I've reached a 'settling down' period of my life. I live in a smallish town, lots of new build estates etc. And recently I've really started to feel lacking a community / network? I don't have a big family and while I have friends (who mainly live in a different part of the country) and workmates, I just feel I'm missing out on a local network / community..

I'm not at all religious - but I've started to feel like I'd love to be part of local church or parish community. Went to a Christmas service and loved the whole feeling of it. Is that absolutely ridiculous idea? Is it disrespectful to 'proper' Christians? Or how else do others get a sense of community? Part of me would want to join the WI but everyone is about 80...

All thoughts welcome!

You just come and join or sit there and drink coffee and do what you fancy. They do not obligate

I would regard that as one of the silliest things I have read on Mumsnet. How do you know God, who is slow to chide and swift to bless, is not inviting the OP to partake of as much of his love as she is able to, even if she does not choose to call it worship? Plenty of Christians and Jews (and memners of other faiths) are doubtful about all the tenets of belief (this is healthy). I myself was born non-observing (secular) Jewish, was a very convinced Christian as a teenager (thanks to Billy Graham), then atheist, and now, in later life, am very drawn to the Sea of Faith movement (which considers, like Don Cupitt, that religion is simply a human creation). Some members describe themselves as on the liberal or radical wing of conventional belief (like liberal Christianity or Judaism) while others choose to call themselves religious or Christian humanists Some even refer to themselves as agnostic, atheist, or simply nontheist.

My Christian friends actively encourage this behaviour as:

1. comforting people, being welcoming etc is a Christian thing to do, regardless of why they feel in need of comfort.
2. a percentage of random bums on seats will become converts, and they're always happy when someone else finds Jesus. Just don't lie about your motives, and do try to make yourself useful where you can.

I grew up going to church. The hypocrisy was obvious to me from my teens. It was also incredibly sexist - the women did the teas while the men were in the church leadership.

It was gossipy and snobby and the minister only visited those who lived in the wealthiest areas. the awards in the youth groups always went to the children whose parents were elders or big financial supporters.

When a member of the church was accused of some awful crimes the church prayer for you school boys who were lying about him.

and this was a very mainstream vanilla religion.

be careful about joining organised religion. While it can offer companionship and chorister - there can be a more sinister underbelly.

You must have gone to a very unusual Church @Stripedbag101
That's not my experience of any of the Churches I've been to.

I am happy that you have found genuine goodness. However you must admit that organised religion doesn’t always attract people whose intentions are above reproach?

surely you have read a newspaper or two over the last couple of decades?

Your experience sounds very odd, never heard of a church that gives "awards in the youth group". Was this in the UK?

By youth groups I meant girls brigade and boys brigade.

I love that your assumption is I must be lying rather than acknowledging the common view that hypocrisy is rife in organised religion!!

Why do you assume that I was assuming you were lying?! I thought it sounded like maybe it was in US

As an example of the hypocrisy the church didn’t allow cohabiting couple to marry I. The church.

fair enough - if you don’t live by the church rules why do you want to be married there. I actually think that is fine.

but - the rules wasn’t universally applied.

you couldn’t be a leader of girls brigade if you were cohabiting - again okay. I don’t agree with that rule but every organisation can have its own code that members must live by. But this ‘rule’ was dropped/overlooked when a very popular leader moved in with her partner. She was older and divorced - the rule also only seemed to apply to younger females. Males personal lives were not scrutinised .

you again may claim I am lying. That’s okay.

i am just saying is you join any social group you need to be aware of and comfortable with their values and how they live them.

I don’t see any reason why not. Volunteering is another option.

Because you said it was very odd and you had never heard of any church youth organisation that gives awards. Surely if you have had any involvement with girls or boys brigade you know there are Bibles exams and PE competitions and attendance awards and endeavour awards? The award part of the display goes on and on and on.

I have a very good friend who is a Bishop. She knows that I don't necessarily 'believe' but that I enjoy the music, history and to some extent ritual of the church.

A decent church would not bat an eyelid.

I don't go to church very often because I don't like the people in my local church (clergy not people).

I mean, I would probably prefer to join some hobby groups aligned to my interests rather than attend church as an athiest. I would feel like a phony even if I wasn't being judged by true Christians.

I thought it didn't sound like a run of the mill youth group attached to a C of E parish church, that's all. And it wasnt - boys/girls brigade is a bit of a different set up. I don't know why you are being so aggressive in your responses, I haven't got any axe to grind either way

I work for a branch of the Church, I'm an atheist but I like the values and behaviours the (very moderate) branch I work for espouses. Most Christian churches of all flavours are crying out for active members and would welcome community minded people who were broadly aligned with their values in my experience.

I apologise - I probably was defensive. I was reacting the poster who questioned my experiences - odd is code for I don’t believe you.

I do accept some people have wonderful experiences of organised religion. But it irks me when people claim there is no hypocrisy. I have deeply religious friends who not only acknowledge it but have been working with their church leaders to consider how it can be addressed.

I don’t think my church was unusual - I have heard this from many people about many churches. And if you google hypocrisy in congregations it is an issue a lot of religious leaders are concerned about.

I just think anyone joining. A church - particularly if they have children - should do their research and ensure they are comfortable with the messages around things like sex before marriage, sexual orientation, divorce, assisted suicide etc etc.

a hobby or running club might be a better fit for someone looking to make friends if they aren’t religious.

Sorry I didn't realise the coded meaning, will avoid that in future (unless of course I do want to insinuate that someone is lying 😂!)

Some of my favorite people in church aren't really believers but go for the community part and I've also met some of the most pious, ignorant and un Christian people who do believe. You'll be fine!

Stripedbag you seem to think you have to be perfect to go to church. That really isn’t the case (luckily for me!). Christians are just regular people all making mistakes same as everyone else.

Is there a Quaker meeting house near you? They are very welcoming, inclusive and don't care what you believe as long as you're aiming towards ethical values.

No i absolutely don’t think that - because no one is perfect. But people should be honest if they aren’t practicing what they preach. People shouldnt hold others to standards they themselves find impossible to live up to.

people should be kind to others when they stumble - and admit that they too have stumbled.

hypocrisy isn’t about people not living up to high standards - it about them not being honest about it.

Any church - and any place of worship of any other faith - will have a congregation with a whole spectrum of reasons for being there. In many cases it will be habit, or cultural, or to be part of a community. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's always been a part of religion.

Oh, and in two decades of churchgoing I don't think anyone has ever asked what or whether I believe. As long as you pick a gently middle of the road church and not somewhere too excessively evangelical, you'll be fine!

I’ve recently rewatched Fleabag Series 2. Would be too worried there may be a ‘hot priest’ 😳

My MIL is a CofE priest and she would absolutely love to have people like you at church. I can hear her now say ‘come and take it in, join in if you want, or just sit and contemplate. You get out of it what you want, and then we can have a cup of tea’.
Go for it OP.