baby... is this a harmful/sub optimal environment?

[imelp]

Single mum to a seven month old, maternity leave us ongoing. Our days are all the same, nice routine, a few toys, once a week watches me cook, fifteen mins story time a day, one bath a day. Three days a week we might do a walk. Once a week we go to the supermarket.

On average we see people once a week (my mum) for two hours and she will talk and play. Obviously there is interaction sometimes when we are out on a walk, dc might see a dog or someone will say hello, same in supermarket. But they basically just see me, day in day out and obviously my reserves are low as I am constantly looking after them…I’m not always fully engaging etc.

I have started to really panic about their development. They will be at nursery at age one and I am scared they’ve had no real interaction with others. They seem happier around more people too and this upsets me. Am I doing things wrong? How can I do better if so?

Mine loved going for walks at that age. I used to put him on my back in a baby carrier and wander round town and he was happy just enjoying all the different sights and sounds.

Swimming is another good option if you can afford it, just gives them a different type of stimulation.

Doesn't sound harmful but most mums and babies that age would be a bit bored with that routine, and it'll be a shock to the system to go to nursery without having gone to baby groups. Around here there are a lot of classes so we do at least one per day, which I think is fairly common. Depends on the baby but my DDs loved the interaction and different environments.

Surely, most of the d ay when Baby is awake, they are with you and you're interacting with each other? You talk baby through what you're doing, have one sided conversations etc.

Hope you don't spend all day staring at your phone and jabbing it...

I did a lot more parks (swings were a big hit by 7m) and taking them out and about to coffee shops and reasturants as well as errands (mainly to diy and fitting shops as renovating while on mat leave)

We also had a lot of bathtime.

Tbh at 7m i didnt bother with much as the world is interesting enough at a year i needed to start doing more and did a few classes and soft play sessions.

Don’t be so hard on yourself - you sound as if you’re doing really well but you do sound as if you need some company. Having a baby is a great way of meeting people, especially sympathetic ones as you’re all going through the same experiences.
I wasn’t sure about baby groups but in the main they were great and some days even rhyme time for an hour at the library was a sanity saver for me and good for DC.
I still meet my NCT friends regularly- and DCs are now at uni. We’ve been through all sorts of lovely and not so great experiences together and they’ve been a great support during tough times.

I had a baby during covid and they hardly saw anyone for months on end other than our small family unit

They are a happy, social 3 year old and it’s not had any affect on their development.

how do you know how they would be now if they had had more interaction?

This sounds absolutely fine to me. You’re overestimating the social skills of most one-year-olds! Please don’t worry there is anything ‘harmful’ about this situation.

It doesn't sound ideal to me, though not absolutely awful either. I think your baby would benefit from social interaction more than cookery lessons at the moment.

Yes, we all coped with lockdowns, but few of us thought it ideal.

I didn't much like baby classes but we went out every day , DS started swimming lessons at 12 weeks, obviously you go in the water with them that was fun.
I walked a lot, went for coffee sometimes with a friend sometimes just with DS, we went to a lot of places I wanted to go museum, gallery etc at that age anything new is good stimulus. We did parks, beach, feed the ducks usual kind of stuff too.
I would've been so bored otherwise, I love DS whole heartedly but it's like groundhog Day with a baby unless you break it up.

When are you planning to go back to work?

If it’s within the next few months then I’d cherish this time which allows you to be at home and spending 1-1 time with your baby.

Being back at work is great for your MH and your child will absolutely love nursery but it can be very hectic and so it’s nice you are using this time to take things slower.

7 month old babies don't need a big social circle.

They are learning so much about the world through every single thing that happens in the day, even if (to you) it might seem repetitive and boring.

As long as they have positive interaction from you and enough stimulation like going on a few walks etc., that is all they need.

It won't be doing your baby any harm at all.
However, they may be missing out on some pleasure. Babies that age are often delighted to see other babies and it adds a little joy to their otherwise fairly limited lives. So, baby groups, can be a lovely for DC if you can force yourself, but you're not hurting them if you can't.

You can have your baby around more people without joining a baby group. You could maybe add some more things to your routine: taking the baby to the grocery once or twice a week - show them the fruits and vegetables, tell them the names of things. There will probably be a few elderly women shopping at the grocery store who would be more than delighted to say hello and wave at your baby.

You could take your baby to the park once or twice a week and look at the ducks and other birds, or watch other children playing on the playgrounds. Children love babies and will likely bring things to show your baby - blades of grass, twigs, pebbles, their toys, etc.

You could take your baby for a ride on the train or bus and your baby can watch the buildings and cars go by outside the window.

If you get a weekly garbage pickup, many babies love to watch garbage trucks! Or, any regular thing that happens around your flat. If the mail usually gets dropped off at, say, 10 am, you can make sure to be down in the lobby at 10 am so your baby can see the mailboxes being opened and the mail put in. The mail delivery person may find you a bit strange at first but after a few days will probably enjoy waving at your baby, although will not have time to stop and chat.

You can listen to music that YOU like with your baby. It doesn't have to be baby music.

You might increase your reading time to two 15 minute periods per day.

Your baby will also enjoy watching you make an egg. You can point to the egg and say, "Egg!" When you make a sandwich for your lunch: sandwich, bread, ham, slicing, etc. It is good to narrate what you are doing as you work, babies love that. "I am going to fold the laundry. This shirt is red. It is my favorite shirt." It's good to talk in baby-language (high voice, simple sentences) as babies learn language better this way but any talking you do is great.

But overall, if you and your baby are happy together, that is the important thing. Don't pack so many activities in to your day that you become stressed out, as the baby will feel that and will respond to it with his/her own stress. Happiness is good for baby brains.

@Thewitcherswolf and others have given some good ideas. And my personal opinion is that you are doing fine, especially if you just make sure you are interacting and making things you do interesting. I do think it would be beneficial for you to take your baby to one group a week, to help prepare her for nursery, if you can tolerate it. Different toys, group music-making, craft activities - it'll add variety and socialisation. You may find one you like better if you can manage to go further afield.

However, Mumsnetters often have the idea that you must go out all or most days, asking Why don't you go out every day? This really is NOT necessary, if you aren't the sort of person who wants to go out every day for their own wellbeing. A few times a week is fine. More in the summer than in the winter is also fine.

Sounds ok to me. If you don't want to do a baby group maybe just do a few different things to vary things for you both. Go to the library, go for a coffee in a cafe once a week.
Baby's definitely don't need to go to groups everyday, he will be absolutely fine.

Painful in what way? You don't actually have to talk to people if you don't want to make small talk

How about an organised fun one, like Baby Rhyme etc where there's naturally less adult interaction?

Even just taking them to soft play etc.

But I think they're going to find nursery overwhelming if most time is home with Mom 121 and then it's suddenly strangers and busy and noisy and lots of other kids.