baby... is this a harmful/sub optimal environment?

[imelp]

Single mum to a seven month old, maternity leave us ongoing. Our days are all the same, nice routine, a few toys, once a week watches me cook, fifteen mins story time a day, one bath a day. Three days a week we might do a walk. Once a week we go to the supermarket.

On average we see people once a week (my mum) for two hours and she will talk and play. Obviously there is interaction sometimes when we are out on a walk, dc might see a dog or someone will say hello, same in supermarket. But they basically just see me, day in day out and obviously my reserves are low as I am constantly looking after them…I’m not always fully engaging etc.

I have started to really panic about their development. They will be at nursery at age one and I am scared they’ve had no real interaction with others. They seem happier around more people too and this upsets me. Am I doing things wrong? How can I do better if so?

Do you know any different OP?
Are you at the rural end of nowhere?

I don't think that routine is normal, no. However, it's the norm for some people.
I suppose the nursery will even the keel and the child's brain will get plenty of stimulation.

I personally don't love baby classes but I go to one a week just to get ds out and around other babies. The last one I did I ended up loving and the other mums were great. A lot depends on the group of people you get. I think your routine is fine but if you're worried then add a wee class in. Most library's do free rhythm and rhyme.

Is the TV on while you're doing this ? Me and my baby would be going out of our minds with boredom ! I do think stimulation is really good for them so I'd try to get out and see people more, why don't you like it ?

At 7 months he can go on a swing now so maybe add this to your routine and maybe a baby group just so he has different toys to play with ?

If you’re happy it sounds fine! Babies don’t need other babies around at that age, so I wouldn’t worry about that. She’ll get socialised when she starts nursery, and even then it’s ages until they reach the stage where they’re playing together rather than in parallel. I’d try to get out for walks more but that’s just me.

I did all the baby group stuff on my first mat leave and it was fine but I had to really push myself and I can’t say I enjoyed it or made any lasting friends from it. Second baby I didn’t really bother with any of it and it did him no harm at all, he’s super sociable now.

Lots of people here saying all fine and of course It's most important for mum and baby to be happy but seeing how much the babies from my baby groups love watching each other, interacting (touching each others faces and hands) playing with new toys and looking around new environments, it does seem like you might be missing out OP - it's so much fun seeing them interact and start learning from each other and new spaces. Id really recommend trying it out.

I’d be going out every day for my own sanity. Even just a walk round the block or to the local park. The local library should have free classes like bookbug which are really good. There are also messy play sessions that pop up once a month or so with no subscription so just book and pay for the ones you want. If you have the money classes like Baby sensory, baby massage and baby ballet are all good fun for you and baby. I am not the most social person but it does you the world of good to speak to other people too!

I think it's fine, as long as your baby seems happy.
I think you should just relax and enjoy it!

For what it's worth, I think in if you're going to be a SAHM you do need to make the effort to have your children meet others and do things outside the home. It's less important if they are going to formal childcare.

It seems a bit sad, to only leave the house a handful of times a week. Unless you spend most of the time in the garden?

Library, swimming, playgroups, park, mini farm? As long as you interact it is fine but you will soon find them getting frustrated as they become more mobile. What are you post ml plans?

I had my first DC July 2020 so obviously they hardly saw anyone for several months, although I took them to baby groups as soon as possible (April 2021). They are perfectly fine. The baby groups were more for me! However they probably benefited from being in different environments. DC went to nursery 3 days a week age 1 and settled in ok despite not having much experience of strangers. So I'm sure your DC will be fine but if it was me I'd get out to some groups etc just for variety.

Your baby probably does only want you at this stage. Lots of things that babies start to do around this age - crawl, climb, feed themselves - use lots of energy and involve lots of learning, so i would say that if you do things that can help them do that (finger foods, tummy time, lots of encouragement about exploring), that is probably ok. Do you sing to your child? Listen to music? 15 mins of books a day seems quite low if you aren't doing much interacting with them, but I assume you are "narrating your day" and otherwise speaking to them a lot and if that's the case that is totally fine.

I do worry a bit about you, though. I don't think you sound very happy and also worrying about your baby's development and feeling guilty can be a sign of low mood/PND, as can not wanting to be around others.

What is it about baby groups that you hate? I didn't like all the ones I attended and I am an introvert so I struggle with some of the socialising, but I liked the ones with group singing (there is a bring baby choir near us) and messy play, because I found it hard to do them by myself at home and I went to a really lovely one that was over staffed by older women who didn't have their own grandkids nearby which was bliss (coffee and cake to eat at my leisure whilst someone else played with baby!).

If you're chatting away to your DD and interacting with her then no problem. I'd personally want to mix it up a bit and find some cheap/free activities each week. Church playgroups are often cheap, libraries often have free story time sessions etc.

OP, I think you are being too hard on yourself and setting too high expectations.

It sounds like you have established a routine, and that is great!

I have an 8 month old and like you have a good routine together. I do try and get out and about each day by going for a long walk, and if the weather is bad, we pop out for a quick coffee, or visit a stay and play session for a change of scenery for us both (and new toys for my little boy!) I did try baby classes but personally didn't enjoy them hugely (they were quite cliquey and made me feel more lonely!).

I am sure your little one is well and healthy and happy, and that's all you can ask for! I don't worry so much about the interactivity etc as my little boy will go to nursery in 4 months.

I hope that helps?!

I’d try going to some baby groups. Most libraries have a free rhyme time. We have loved baby sensory classes too. See what’s around. And try peanut app to meet other mums around. I’d be crazy if we didn’t have play dates so I could chat to other mums!

But besides that, just chat lots about what you’re doing. Don’t worry about not always being fully engaged, it’s good for baby to gain independence by being left to do their own playing for short amounts of time (with supervision of course!).

I think you should spend more active 1:1 time reading and playing. It would also be good for them to be around other people, nor just you and your mum. 7 months is still young, but as you get closer to 9, I'd say join some baby groups, or something as it's good for socialisation. Humans are social creatures remember, and also thinking of the future you want your DC to be comfortable around other people and not need you around.

Sorry just saw your comment re babygroups, neither did I. Remember it's not about you anymore

Your baby will be fine. My DD was born in first lockdown and we hardly saw anyone the first few months of her life. She's very sociable and was fine going to play school / school etc. Maybe join some play groups or baby groups of you can x

Just came on to say, are there any groups that are for mums, that the babies are welcome at? I did Pilates, yoga, a pram fitness thing and a parents choir, all of which I found MUCH less cringe than eg baby sensory, just as entertaining for the baby and good for me too. That said, my second was a covid baby, saw practically no one other than me or their dad for 10 months, and settled fine at nursery, so I’m sure yours will be fine.

Mine is 12 now. First 18 months her dad was away 5.5 days a week. No family within hundreds of miles.

The mums from my NCT group were - and still are - like family to me. Our babies have grown up together, through groups and coffee meet ups and are closer than cousins (even now 3 have moved over 100 miles away). I didn’t go out every day, but having those touch points during the week where the babies played together or napped while we chatted and had coffee and cake kept me sane.

Once DD was walking (9-10months) going to soft play etc was essential for both of us!

Also good for their immune systems to see lots of people and places.

What are you doing all day? Where is the baby when you are boiling an egg??

The TV is on isn't it?
In that case, then no, I think you should be out and about.

Oh bore off. It's about her and baby. Baby does not trump everything else.

I suppose it depends what the baby is doing during the day - you haven’t really said other than a short time for stories.

Personally I needed to get out more than that. I liked baby groups but if you don’t then still library to pick new books once a week, out to the park and playground etc. at that age they’ll enjoy the swing and things, crawling on the grass.

Sounds very boring for you and could be more stimulating for baby. You can’t just say you don’t like any baby groups, they can be quite different. Sounds like you need to make some friends as you only see your mum, this isn’t ideal for you really and you might need help with baby one day when your mum isn’t available. It isn’t right to isolate yourself.

You dont need baby specific activities but personally I need to leave the house daily and I think babies and kids need the fresh air and change of environment