To be mad at husband messaging another woman?

[Mumof3andlab]

Hello,

so I just wondered if I am being unreasonable to be mad at DH. My DH is usually quite shy, hates small talk with strangers but the last month or so he’s mentioned this woman, who he keeps bumping into on the dog walk. He said she is friendly but he finds it really awkward.

Tonight I find out she asked to give him her number and he messaged her, chat was all PG but he didn’t tell me about it and clearly didn’t want me to know.

I also did not see any mention of a wife in his messages so whilst he says it was just a ‘normal conversation’ I said you are giving her the impression that you might be into her, rather than declining her number and saying sorry he is married.

He has never messaged anyone else before, never cheated, been together 10 years. Of course he thinks I’m over reacting. AIBU??

You didn’t think to include that in your OP? It makes a huge difference.

This relationship is a car crash.

You tell him you're leaving him, watch him on cameras, and insist on going through his messages.

He is messaging a woman and he's told her you're separated.

Just call it a day and do you both a favour.

Ah there’s always a few posters who appear, accuse the OP of being controlling and refusing to let the poor put upon husband have a ‘female friend’, then we get the update saying that it was as seedy as we all thought, and they scuttle away only to return to the next thread and rinse and repeat!

They have absolutely nothing to base their theory but deride the poster in pain, it’s rubbish behaviour!

I read the OP’s update as in they messaged the woman after their initial OP, as she didn’t believe her Husband’s lies.
Some time had passed between their initial OP and the update, so I assumed she had done some more digging (contacted the woman) and then had further discussions with her Husband.

So sorry OP. You can’t not know what you now know. Even though it doesn’t seem that they were physical/intimate with each other at this early stage, the trust is gone. Plus, your relationship seems as though it may have run its course. It’s a shame that you’re likely to spilt up whilst your children are so young. Counselling sometimes help in situations such as these, but you said he has form for dishonesty so I think it’s best to bail out now. What makes it worse is that he lied to you when you confronted him the first time. I’d also be done with him. All the best with getting your ducks in a row.

I'm sorry to read your update op. He sounds awful and I'm glad you're making plans to leave. I'm impressed that you messaged her directly.

@Mumof3andlab - much empathy. 20 years of what is beginning to feel like a snow job this year. Making similar plans.

Its an agenda to support the 'rights' of men to do exactly as they please, by manipulating women into thinking they are inferior (less secure, controlling, not sane) for setting and enforcing reasonable boundaries. I believe some are MRA, but sadly others are women brainwashed into doing their dirty work.

So sorry OP. I hope you get the job and are able to leave him asap.

This! My mum said that to Her sister years ago when aunt thought her DH was playing away.

Half of Mn appears to think that ‘retiring’ all your opposite-sex friendships when you’re in a relationship is some kind of agreed ‘rule’ and that anyone who doesn’t do it is some kind of insecure type who needs validation from the opposite sex and likes having a ‘stable’ of opposite-sex friends.

Then again, half of Mn doesn’t appear to be able to manage friendships of either sex at all, so perhaps it’s an entirely theoretical sacrifice.